Height

Just bumped by something,

 

 

To think that she is 180cm tall, and i'm probably just 3cm taller than her, which is some negligible differences...scares me. She is as tall as me! Damn! Of course thats impressive in asian contexts, and still that height is not common for a lady.

 

Just some interesting facts.

Think, not.

I guess my mom's right. She said i should stop thinking about things too much. Which in fact, i do all the time.

 

Think about what i did in the day, how people react to it, why do they react in such a way, is there any poosibility they might react otherwise if i said otherwise, what are the consequences, what effects will it dawn on me the next day and in the near future, can i mend it back, can i just ignore it, is there an importance to what happened earlier, will it have a snowballing effect on what i did to him/her in the past, does she/he mind, did i do that subconsciously to others as well, is it a bad habit or attitude, is it my problem or theirs to deal with, why are they behaving as such, do others think its fine or its an issue, what do i think of him/her in the future, what will become of the person, what will become of me, are these characteristics i should look out for in the future, will these characteristic give me an advantage, are these vales people are lacking, why is that so...

 

so on and so forth....

 

Do you think that much?

 

One thing's for sure, everyday i thought of something and the next day another thing, and sometime in the future, i know they will somewhat be connected. It struck me the other day, i was telling another friend of mines about Avatar's "Wake up, Jake! Wake up!" and then i felt as if a wire had been connected and it suddenly occur to me, hey "Wake up, Jake, wake up" had a pattern of "X, , X" and i linked it to the movie's director and i recalled seeing the movie emphasizing "From the directors of Titanic" and i realized hey, "X, , X" sounded familar in Titanic.

 

"Come back, Jack, come back". There you go.

 

Don't know, i honestly felt my brain is a little unique but hey, as far as i know i should be normal just like everyone else right? Wait...i swear i just found out something again. Its correct that i should feel unique! There is nothing too wrong with it, because its like what people usually say...that we're all unique! So if we're all unique from each other, which SHOULD be the case, then thats normal!! ( or you've already realised that a long time ago? -.- )

 

Whatever, but i think there are further understanding in that to be discovered. Maybe if i think harder i might get it. Hold on a second...i'm thinking again...damn.

Quotes

Ok this is going to be the most random entry ever.

 

I actually wanted to note it down somewhere but couldnt. Yesterday while i was watching a programme on discovery Channel, one of the shushi chef in the programme said

 

"We dont do a lot of things at 100%, we do a hundred things at 1% more. And thats what quality is all about".

 

Hell, that was indeed very very well said!

Guilt, fat guilt.

So, i was very much contented with what i achieved in the afternoon. I ate just 2 piece of swiss roll and 2 slices of bread for lunch. Amazing much? I'd thought i could save money and also cut down on the soon-to-come-in-decade-tummy-fats. Hell, during dinnertime i started craving for something....i dont know, fulfilling? lol im not sure even thats the word to use. Guess its applicable to me since "A good meal is not all about how delicious the food is, its about how fulfilling you've felt and how satisfied towards the end of the meal".

 

Dim Sum. Yes, thats what came to my mind.

 

 

Look good huh? I bet the price of RM11.50 for one meal looks better.

 

"Well done, Lester". Yes, thats coming from my doppleganger. Ester's her name, actually i used to refer to my inner-bitch that name, stopped using that since college days because

 

1) AUSMAT, during the first meetup of the first lesson of the first day of the first week, when we were introduing ourselves to the entire class. The girl, whose turn next's me to introduce, was named Ester Chow. Whats the probability and chances? You'll never know, i still remember how akward was it to stress on the "L" when it was my turn to introduce. Got a tsunami of chuckles and laughters towering me and came clashing down on me next.

 

2) A certain someone's girlfriend has the name as well in Uni. Probably a good idea to not remind him of his girlfriend. Especially when i have similar name.

 

Yes, "Well done, Lester". So much for trying to save money? You still end up paying for 2 meals today anyways. Thats one. Another is when i unwrap the dim sums, oh gosh, the amount of oil pouring out is staggering. I couldnt help but keep imagining where those oils will go into my body. But but but, i have the awesome green tea at home which i literally cant stop myself from drinking it...everyday.

 

 

This! Look at all the goodness a cup of greentea promises! (Mines was a much bigger cup really). And bites on an apple afterwards really made me felt better.

 

Second entry of the day, hmm.

 

I, Lester

I, Lester.

 

thought this is a gd picture...

So anyways i bumped back into the song by Flyleaf - All Around Me

 

You've gotta admit she looked a little crazy in the MTV...but honestly speaking i felt a little like her in the inside. =X

Now that you've probably listening to the song autoplaying in the background which is the same song i mentioned a sec ago, i shall go with today's entry. I'm making an entry today because - i dont know. I just have to type something i guess?

Oh god i think the song is driving me cracy, like it did to me 2 years ago. Headache argh, but i cant stop from self from listening to it. Replaying for the 4th time in a row now i guess? I think my brain needs an outlet really, so many thoughts stucked there in a viscious endless cycle bombarding my head with thoughts of such weight. Theyre heavy, mind you.

Oh, after listening to the song i now finally recalled how is it like to want to smash things and smash and smash and smash. Music really have profound effects on human emotions i swear, or its just me who are terribly sucesptible to them?

....I just realised im pulling my hair. Lol dang!

I'm crazy am i not?

 

 

Hide and Seek

Another day, another entry. I noticed most of my blog entries are quite emotional, its not like my life is engulfed in constant emotional state where waves after waves of misfortune would keep crashing onto me continuosly and endlessly. Its just that i have lack the drive to blog about something cheerful. Its not like something delightful never happened, its just that i have a higher tendency of blogging about feelings that were otherwise unheard for most people around me. Why and why is that so?

 

It soon came to my realization, and i guess im just like everyone else, theres a part of ourselves still clinging onto the steely cold bars and struggling to get out of this cell. We want to be heard, beacause we caged our most truthful-self to...ourselves, and also lacked the courage to really open ourselves to others. See, thats how this "open ourselves" term came about. So...i guess i want to be heard as well but another part of myself would shut myself off.

 

The coat to your innermost thoughts, are like the 21st century lock. It can double lock, and triple quad and on.

Every turn you've made to lock it further, the harder it is to turn it the other way round and unlock it.

 

It just gets harder to spit out all your cries within you isnt it? I still wonder, will something devastating happen in the future? So badly i could once and for all pour out all my feelings, and then find myself back again amidst of all the already shed scales and skins. Dead scales and skins.

 

Its been hard to express my feelings nowadays, and sometimes i just want to cower back into my sanctuary by just hugging. Hugs always give me the sense of security, and i'd wont have to register the words "its alright" or "its ok" through my ears to feel it.

 

...

...

...

...

 

Hmm what did you say? *TACK* the sound of keys clinging against the inner lining of the lock and the reinforcement of the lock, tucks the key away into the pocket and walks away.

Just so you know

Bumped into another song again, Jesse McCartney's - Just So You Know. Its some old school song really, but i heard it on FlyFM and i just have to get a hand on the music.

 

That and classes resumed today, ( 107 ) Days of Summer. I have had enough rest thats what i could say, i'm not whining nor did i whine that the holiday was too long. It was a long break yes, but its a break neccessary for me. I need to quieten my thoughts down really, reflect on things and move on with things. All of these have a common currency - Time.

 

Back to music, i got Leona Lewis's - I See You, an Avatar soundtrack song. On top of that and also Lady Gaga's - Monster. I had it a while already just havent heard of it lol. And again, there are really good music around.

 

Back to school life haha, i still missed the past days where everyone is always together with each other. I liked it a lot last year, and was very grateful for having that opportunity. This year however was what i was afraid of the most. Separation. Because i lived a life with very few close and longlasting friendship, i soon become very sensitive when comes to these kind of things. Since the days of Form 1, Form 2, three years of "O" Level, three months in one junior college and another three months in another junior college, and one year in a local college and one year in Uni...all in a different environment...

 

You tell me, where else can i fall back to if i dont have you in the present?

 

Sad fact, sad past. Its something that no one should go through, and yet its something someone has gone through and shaped the person differently...forever. As much as i hate what i've traded off, im still grateful for the experiences i've gained. Little people would know about this, and little would ask. At least i've never denied my desires, because its not something shameful really. I just want to be honest, and i dont want to hide my feelings and pretend anymore.

 

Because its tiring.