Tinted visions

Haven't updated my post for a while, probably due to my internship and how much of my stamina it drains on a daily basis. It's true that everyday after work, you just want to sit down and do nothing. Absolutely nothing except relaxing and recuperating.

Chinese New Year been pretty fulfilling, like it literally fills up my entire CNY schedule to the brim. It was more of a dare, to myself that I could handle all the invitations etc. It'd probably didn't occur to a lot of people around my age but if you're reading this, it'll do you good if you take this to heart, because you guys had it taken for granted and my past circumstances put me in a situation where I'd learn to appreciate it and see the importance of it in the future. Don't take it for granted that you've got 10 invites from 10 different group of friends, I know many of you would start to weigh friends in terms of their value and how you'd prefer a certain network of friends instead of another. True, it's only human's nature when two groups of friend come together at the same time to be weighed on the scale, but remember this - a promise's a promise. I have nearly 10 days of my CNY holiday packed with activities and invitations, and I'm proud to say I've not broken a single promise, only very early notices with compensations. Whoever comes first, comes first. The common practice of "ffk" and ditching events is shameful, it's an insult to the word "integrity". A simple act of that devalues yourself. Don't. 

Primary classmates, teacher and I.

Many of you definitely took it for granted as well for when you have several invites coming at you. This is the prime time to forge those friendship where many of you would fail to see the very importance of it. The sheer thought of yourself being wanted and popular, and that you could put those invitations aside because it does not suit your mood will one day be your harbinger. The times when all of us dwell into the working life that we would all be saddled with the rest of our lives will bring that into test. People would be tired and lazy to respond to such case and time will erode your bonds with your friends. There and then you'd think you're fine, until the day you needed external help. Would you then cry over spilled milk and say "hi" to those that you've cast  in the barren lands?

Monash coursemates and more and I.

Time and time again, there are people around who want to get to know you better and offer you the chance and platform for such an opportunity to take place. It's ok to be uncertain and seek a companion for such events, well, that's you. Usually people would take an extended amount of time to wait for someone to take the lead, my question to you is, what if there is none? This is the typical situation where you really burdened the organizer because of your selfish reasons. I have personally seen several of such case and I see the frail humanity in those disappointing individuals, and I can assure that it was the case because when I took the courage and be different. That too, applies for volunteering yourselves and making sacrifices. I may have brushed the issue aside but I saw it crystal clear and will see and treat you in a very different way already. I'm just simply astounded by your blatant lack of awareness of the situation, do you not see how this attitude of yours will imply to your future friends if you continue this path? Do you not know what SINCERITY is?

Monash coursemates and I.

Although this dare to myself for this CNY may have been a tad tiring, however it has been enriching and I learnt new lessons. It is also my resolution to be more truthful to myself and the people around me. There ARE friendship I have called off this vacation, call me harsh - but the lies and the betrayals were too much. I'm not blind and I'm not deft, and think again if you think i'm boring at the times when I'm quiet. "A wise old owl stood on a tree; the quieter it gets, the more it hears; the more it hears, the more it learns", something from my most respected teacher in the past. Although God has had bonds severed this holiday, but I sure do make an effort to learn something from it. HE also allowed me to see what I really have in my hands. 

Collegemates and I.

This holiday to be honest haven't been the calmest actually. I sure heard a lot of things going on around me. Sometimes I gotta hand it to the Malays - their Hari Raya is a very good practice to forgive and forget. Something that I will not deny having difficulty in. Although that department requires much more improvement to be made, however I gotta say I'm pretty proud of my anger management. It's more like, I have discovered alternatives to solving issues, so to put myself in a calm state when I encounter it. Somehow, I just learn that a lot of things are really not worth my time, let alone letting it worked me up. Hence my blog title which I have a great sense of affinity to it - it's like watching a bad movie, you just turn if off if you don't like it. At the same time, I also start to not bother with who wins the end of the argument. It just does not matter if you know you've done your best and you're sincere about it, let them twist the facts however much they want, that's what they do. They'll do what it takes so that triumph at the end of the argument comforts, and assures what was their uncertainty. I need not face your condescending looks when I lose that argument, I know so long at the end of the day, if I could face God and lift my head up high, it would be suffice.

Primary schoolmates and I.

Amidst of all the chaos, I too am glad I have things in my possessions that are invaluable and priceless when compared to money. Something that outweigh that materialistic thing which corrupts the mind of others and make them do hurtful things. It's at the back of the mind of people doing, and saying hurtful things. Yes, I am truly blessed and also grateful at the same time that such thing would not bother as much as others, however it's also the choice of each individual to define what is important to their lives. There are always richer people than me, but it's my decision to remain unmoved by that. That being said, I'm glad I can find friends who have the same moral value as I am and really, I'm glad to even get the vibe that, nothing else matters so long we're together and happy.

ACS(I) boarding schoolmates and I.

Well, I sure have a lot of philosophical statements to make, probably because I haven't been venting much recently I guess. Well, I finished my internship just last Friday and although I'm pretty free and bored at home but I SHALL not say so (actually I just did, but it was a lack of a better word to describe my situation!) I would still prefer this boredom over working anytime. That and I shall make my last year as a student a blast in Australia. Oh, before I forget, the highlight of my CNY has got to be the Pulau Pangkor trip, big thanks to the planners, I basically just nod to everything they asked, that includes my presence to the trip. I actually promised to join the trip (knowing that there is 4 days holiday in a row and that anyone in the right mind, would plan something within the 4 days because the all of us are working) without knowing the itinerary at all! The awkward moment when the organizer text you to confirm again prior to inviting you by verbal means, and then you text back asking how many days the trip is going to be. Best damn thing is, I actually wanted to go to a beach pretty badly this holiday and, the second I thought it's going to be impossible, IT HAPPENED!

It's a very good feeling to be at a beach, really. 

To me arms I stretch them wide, to thee mother earth I embrace; And the boundless ocean wide, shall take away all my worries.

花痴。痴情。

那今天可有那个机会听到田甄馥的歌，名“花花世界”。

虽然呢，那音调非常的柔美， 但我不禁会像起自己有多痴情。

依然还是爱着。。。你的你。

2012

HAPPY NEW YEAR

All in all it's been fun for new year's eve and new year, except for the inconsiderate driving by some drivers on the road, not to mention dangerous as well. Just a day before new year's eve I decide to drive on the outer lane of a round-about (of which I usually pick the inner lane because I trust myself than others), and just this once, I almost got into an accident. I only knew when the head of a Hilux was right next to my door. Gotta thank God for saving me.

That aside, my Friday was awesome. Got my paycheck that day, on top of that we get to leave the company early with the mercy of our boss. Was able to leave 4pm that day, but being the workaholic I am sometimes, I actually stayed till 4.30, which was not all THAT bad. Speaking of which I finally understood why my parents were stubborn about finishing their work even if time's already running late. Well honestly speaking there's nothing to understand, we just DO IT.

New Year's eve dinner at Janelle's place with Tian Hui and Ee Ling, not to forget the awesome Sara. After which we went back to my place at Desa Parkcity to watch the fireworks. We were greeted by some massive crowd which is...beyond my comprehension. I'd never expect such a huge crowd. Thousands. After all we managed to get into my condominium and had a great fireworks view. It was spectacular. That and never had I view a fireworks parade and find it not high enough.

Below are some snapshots of the fireworks, which I finally put my newly acquired D7000 to work and...it was definitely at a satisfactory level. Do click on the pic to get a larger view, they're very high in detail.

Pretty good weren't they? Well that's for new year's eve, the next morning I was greeted by this as well. 

A wallet alongside with two shirts. All in all it's been a great two days, and it was great catching up with my friend, Sara. Truly grateful to have friends like her around which you could really feel comfortable around with, and also be able to share feelings and really have someone to talk to. So yeah, looking forward to all the good stuffs to come in 2012!

Christmas

This Christmas, have been unfortunately been very unhappy for me. That is of course, I am put into an undesirable situation where I felt compelled and extremely forced to comply to it. Besides, the recent meeting with friends from various networks bored me a lot, not implying my change of heart, but it does bore me and it only means one thing when this occurs to me - I haven't been spending time with myself. Hence the need for me to actually sit at home and do absolutely nothing but be with myself in solitary, confinement, absolute stillness and peace. Which honestly speaking, I've been really wanting this Christmas holiday to fulfill that role and unfortunately I really do feel like I've been robbed of that. There's really no way around phrasing it and there is really no point in sugarcoating it, it's just how I feel.

I really do commit at work and I feel tired already for being so committed to one thing already, to have a second issue to be shoved down your throat will agitate you. Although the recent issue of being sickened with a certain friend or two does hold true, because of events of late which really allow me to see who that person really is. There is nothing but disappointments and complete loss of faith, trust and hope in that person. There is no longer value in the friendship, hell, I wouldn't even call you a friend, rather just a "contact" now. Although to digress the topic a little bit, I do hate people who ask to be invited. There are numerous of them who does it subconsciously and I feel disgusted usually. I would never do so and sometimes when I sense something off with a certain invitation that was done so commercially or just a display of good manner to just ask you, I would turn it down, although usually sometimes some friend would term that as "loner" or "unsociable" which I would like to correct you right here and now, to take it back and categorize it as the said reason above.

All in all, I am still very unhappy with the fact that my mind therapy schedule is reduced to ashes. Although it still struck me just now that, perhaps God is reminding me of the discovery of what I really want a long time ago - that nothing else really matters, when I could not be happy.

residual

Woke up from a what seems like a lifetime in a dream

Opened my eyes and stared into stranger surroundings

Conscience are like drug injections

Killing my o' fairy land 

in my dearest memories

When all but seems ash of my dreamories

Stood still a residual of it

a light so tiny but never-fading in this pitch black warzone

Sands of time all but eroding that light as we speak

but still hung a glimpse of that precious dream

still so clear in thy eyes until me arms are around it

and here it is -

That blue ink pen drawing on a tiny foolscap paper

with funny triangle shapes and circles 

and a kindergarten sun in the middle of it all

tucked into the safest corner of my wallet

without my knowing

without my awareness

when I fell asleep on you

because I know I'm safest around you

This moment reality is at full gauge

This moment reality is my lens that filter my sight

but that slip of paper will forever resides in me

that uncontested memory of your drawing 

that is so... YOU

 will remind me that you still care

and your voice echoed

"It's ok" 

just another day

It is. Maybe that's how the world seemed like when you lock yourself in your room for an extended amount of time, where the sky and the trees is what you see only from that tiny window frame from inside the room. You can say its as if I'm the frog in the well, but that's if you choose to see it that way. Things just seem to be pretty much the same from the same point of view. The unchanging world, where I would sometimes just take a minute break from my studies and sort of just stare into the outside scenery and let my mind go blank for a minute. It's a good view really, all I see are trees and grass and the blue blue skies, not even a hint of civilization (pavements, roofs whatsoever).

Don't get me wrong, I'm not putting up a fit with how boring my life is. Its just how calm things are, if you just sort of close your eyes or tuck yourself away to some desolated place for a period of time. Rid yourself from the newspaper, of the war going around, of the politics and all its atrocities, and all the catastrophic disasters befalling on mankind. 

"Ignorance is a bliss"

=)

需要人陪

哈，那今天心血来潮，就来个华语的“博克”输入。

今天呢，就完成了另一张考试卷子， 可能是因为下一张考卷是在下周星期二，感觉上就好像还有挺多时间的呢。那也避免不了，难得辛苦了一阵子，有时也得疼自己一下。人家也有说吗，正所谓“休息就是为了走更长远的路“，有时候我的脑袋也真的不能承受这么多的压力和熬煎，也得坐下来，对着电脑放空一下。

既然在考试的话题， 那就得说说第一份考卷。我也倒是觉得有失望。就。。。令场表现可以差得这么样吗？就有一个题目我中途中就困住了，那只好把它丢下先， 赶快完成其他的题目。那题呢，到最后我有总共差不多四十分钟呢。 我想也想不到，堂堂一个十几年的读书生，就连那一行字也没读到。那题目里关键的一行字，我保证你，我可以五分钟内完成他。唉，天真的是有不测风云，我偏偏就在最后那一分钟看到。哇塞，你可以想象我那时可真有多不甘愿。 我明明整份卷子可以胸有成竹的把它完成，还闭门念书。搞得我差点走火入魔，就为了那个HD.

也许是因为那件事，希望也放低好多了。目标放低了，说真的，人也放松好多了。

晚餐之后都没做些什么有建设性的事情，就一直看《康熙来了》。难免看多了也会厌倦，所以就飘落到现在，无所事事，也无思乱想。有时也不知道为何我有这么多繁杂的思想，怪不得我白头发这么多，害得我时不时得染头发，不然就天天有那沧桑的脸色。

忧从中来，何以解愁

有时候，还真的不知道自己可以撑到几时。那些创伤的呐喊，就每天这样埋在自己的心坎里，每天都告诉自己“我还能撑多一天！”。奇怪的是我也没有要日夜有人分担这负担，反而很坚持的觉得这毕竟是我的私事。 但众多人当中，也得感谢（只有）一位，能够聆听我的哭诉， 能够彻底的了解我的心情。就这么一次，就很足够了。 我觉得我对我人生，打从心里，也没什么抱怨了。