So what happens if you wake up one morning, and found out your downstairs study room has maggots all over the floor? They could be falling from the sky and is still falling on your head! Its horrible! To have maggots in your house! Question is, where do they come from? Its the roof outside my room. YUCKness seriously, one dead rat laid opened like the ones you disected in the laboratory. Horrible smell as well.
Thats actually a bigger deal to talk about, but i'm really not in the mood for that so i'm onto faggots now.
My semester 2 timetable will be opened for Adjustment Mode tomorrow @ 10am. Anxious and excited am i, due to the fact i have absolutely nothing else to get excited for this holiday ( yes its that boring ), i get worriesome over some other things as well. I was wondering should i get my usual friend, Jan and Guo back on the exact same timetable again. Partly because i screwed one of the field project a little and am feeling guilty that i literally dragged Jan down, and Guo partially. So i was thinking should i get the same timetable with them again, or just screw it and let fate decide and i go according to what i would plan for myself?
Then i thought again, what would happen if i ever have to go every single tutorial class alone etc. The question "Do i need them?" keep popping over my head. Are friends really that important to the extend i can forgo my lifestyles and aims? Somehow, thats the feeling that went along with me to Singapore. I aint dont need too many friends, i have my aims and i should head straight for it. Friends should never be a stepping stone etc.
And i lied to myself that im not alone for 4 years?
Kintergarden was never a place for serious friendship, and primary school arent exactly filled with people that knows how to keep in contact with each other. I went SMK Taman Ehsan for one year, transferred to SMK Taman Bukit Maluri the next. The foundation of friendship are not even close to solid, and then it crumples and i move on to another construction. Then Singapore. Most of my buddies are kinda there from secondary school. I was happy and fun for some time. believe it or not i'd stuck to my sgporeans classmates way more than my hostelmates which are mostly scholars. Then i came back, did college and most of the closed ones went Australia. So i came Monash next, and suddenly i felt...
...I have no where to fall back on. Because i only have you guys, in the present.
I always see people celebrating birthdays with their past secondary schoolmates. Hanging out on a weekly basis with them. Birthday is one thing that i'd never really like. And those pictures of someone, sitting in front of a birthday cake, taking a group photo with a gang of friends, is something that really dampens my spirit for the day. I'm so jealous of those honestly. I think again and again, of the details of my pasttime and what couldve led to the "me" today. All i could say, again, is that world's fair. I've gained something, and lost something.
If this is what i have traded for the unique teenagehood ( getting the scholarship, going sg and what not ) i had experienced....
...I take it.
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