I just want to drive to the summit of a hill overlooking the cities, smoke two cigarettes, I don't know why two but just two, leaning against my car breathing in the cooling night air, and have the music For The First Time by The Script on replay, and just have someone I trust and believe in to just stare at me, or just stand around for all I care.
I always need distractions, those that most would deem it as life priorities are actually distractions to me - necessary distractions...so I won't have to face myself in the mirror and wonder about all the possibilities out there, all the not-going-to-happens, all the surety.
That's just it tonight, nothing else. Made a promise I'll be happy for the rest of my life and nevermore should I dread living again, but...
...sometimes I just get so tired.
but alas I know, I'm not weak. I just know.
"it's ok"
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