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People take the easy way out, most of the time. Why? Because it's just easy. Had a sorta misunderstanding with my housemates and the usual short tempered me reacted badly, could've given a "meh" at the end and avoided all of those but lesson's learnt. Another incident for myself to serve as a reminder to keep my temper at check. With that in mind, I did not choose reconciliation because I totally knew where it's heading.
You, whom is related, may or may not read this but here it is. Would you have gone "Hehe too late, could've told you exactly where was it but was too lazy to =X"? Chances are, you will not. Judging from the situation and your ego. All along I've endured your crankiness, if you've spoken and the listener does not understood, it's his damn ears' fault. If you heard something and couldn't make up what it is, it's his speech. "It's never my fault", and mind you, a friend of yours recently complemented you in front of me and how he's appreciative of your humbleness, I smiled but deep down I respectfully disagree. I personally watched you, countless times interacting with your close friends and for a lack of better word, humiliate them. Pointing into a whole rack full of plates and dishes and tell him "pass that dish" and then followed by "that dish lar!" for several times does not help, and you carried on by condescending his intelligence for not being able to make out WHICH particular plate you're referring in that whole rack packed with plates of different size and colour.
I still remember the first huge argument when we first came Australia, when I took the initiative to approach you and apologize, you were totally bossy. You just stood your ground so firmly and not wanting to give in at all, even the girl whom I claimed her to be "always sounded so self-righteous" seek reconciliation and have a discussion about it on equal ground. Guess what? The all of us CONVENIENTLY forsaken her because it's just easier. Is it not true? If I had to point one huge mistake I've made this year, it has got to be taking the easy way out, and I am deeply disappointed in myself for that too for being so weak.
There and then, I've decided and told myself to always take the hard way, the tough way and the way that I will walk alongside with my principles. I will stand on my principles or I WILL NOT STAND AT ALL.
Convenience is always the easy way out, I did not hold it against you when you were tired yesterday and couldn't make it to our friend's convocation. It's just utter disappointment knowing that you can't even sacrifice a small period of time to see a friend off, for as long as you know. I know and I understand it's just downright easier, you see, it's always easier. Yes, I did went there and have a brief 10 minutes with him, even if he doesn't care whether I'm there or not, I'm just probably a chess piece in his grand scheme of things to make him look popular. So what? He's been kind to me, and what kind of person am I going to be if I can't even make such a small sacrifice? Yes he was so busy entertaining everyone that I'd really look like an idiot standing around on my own, but think about this - what if everyone thought of the same thing? No one would go for anything, again, because it was easier. I've seen the look in my friends' face, even just for a brief moment when I'm the only one there for him and everyone else wasn't.
I've got no idea how much longer you want to test your friend's patience, because sometimes I just feel exhausted interacting with you.
Speaking of taking an easy way out and forsaking a friend, do you remember there's a certain someone, which you'd never want to invite when you have a Christmas open house? Can I remind you right here that you disliked him because he made open, hurtful comments about you? How often now then, do you feel hurt hearing people making hurtful comments about you right in your face? Have you ever wondered why I'm so exceptionally quiet these days and the conversations I've made with you grown lesser and lesser? Because the backlash of all the mean things I have done to people is starting to kick into my guilt department and I'm grown sick of being that person. I know myself, and I know I'm quite a jerk and asshole to begin with, and I also know that I can't withhold all the hurtful comments if I'd respond to what you say sometimes, hence I chose silence. It is better off that way right isnt it? Saves all the trouble, and you could just continue to be happy with whoever you hang out with. My question is, as a friend for nearly 5 years, are you truly happy with regards to my first question?
Again, it's just easier if you could just take it in and dissolve it, of which I have to give it to you for having a significantly bigger heart and tolerance than I do, and shame on me even being a guy for that matter. But I do have to point out, amidst all the company you enjoy now, do things really work out to be easier now? You had to endure your kryptonite last time and be all friends with her, just so things could take the easy way out. How much pain did you endure eventually? If you could've taken the hard way and have a face-off with her and settle the scores with her, would you have preferred the outcome than how it is now? I tagged along with everyone else I must admit, and I admit it was all too easy to just follow the majority regardless of the justification of it. I too, admit that I was a spineless coward for not stepping up and solve things the way they should be. Hence, the decision. No one was there when everyone wrongfully accused me of so many things last year because of her, and everyone just played her game because it was easier. Now it seems I get to return the favor, but I am no where feeling proud of it, disgusted I would say, even if it's with regards to someone which has brought me pain before. That's just now how things should be, that's not how we treat people, that's not how we take advantage of situations.
Alongside came along with so many more people who, sorry, for a lack of a better word - fallen. You know who I'm referring to if I'd mention shades and sunglasses. Yes, you. I don't remember whether you've said it personally before but I'm pretty darn sure you disagree with people who breaks up promises at the last minute. I stood as a bystander and watched how you changed all these while. Your occasional nocturnal activities is fine, because I was once a night animal too. Not until you started "FFK", for several times. Which was not fine. I don't care what your reasons are but you don't do such things. Yes, we all slack all the time for not doing work and get worked up at the last possible minute, but that's a price we should pay - and not something our friend should pay for us after we've made that promise. Prove me wrong, if you just woke up that morning and figured "ah, he wouldn't mind" and took the easy out way. To you, you'd think it wouldn't matter because he already have so much company already, and to him, it might or might not even bother him. Again, you might feel like a tool if you have gone there and didn't do much, imagine if the same would happen to you and no one turns up for your event. You'd probably say it would never happen, or state that even if you take the tough way, no one will ever do the same for you because everyone else is just as much of an asshole. Would you be content with yourself even if that's the fact, that you take the easy way out and everyone do what's convenient for themselves? Does it feel right?
I would be rendered speechless if you'd say you're fine with that.
Oh, and you. I don't know when I started to stop talking to you, maybe there was just nothing to talk about. To you, everyone else was just weird and you're just the absolute norm. Don't even try to deny the fact that how you've so carelessly hurled those "you're weird" comments at me. You just have the privilege of the so called "normal", even then, the only constant between everyone is the difference.
All in all I'm not saying I am better, and I didn't point out your shits so I could cover mine. I'm probably worse off than a suicidal dude, a pesky fella or a mean girl. There are courage and strength in him that I could never have; In him there's the ability of forgiveness the size of Texas, and all the good qualities in him that I would never have and I'm so angry, and SO jealous because there are so much promise in him that if he would just be a little bit more hard-working he could be so much better than me; and in her lies the courage to be truthful to herself and never back down, even in the face of utter loneliness.
I'm just tired with a lot of people because they stopped trying, and if I hadn't make such a big deal out of it, everything would seem pretty normal. I know right, what's the big fuss about?! It's just how people are, just deal with it, it's not like you don't do it, everyone does it. If you're a Christian, shame on you. Please stop calling yourself one. If you're going to use it as a shield to commit these things and then blatantly ask for forgiveness after that, you're getting it wrong. What about the ever on-going self improving journey that all of us should embark on?
I'm just tired, maybe how people treat me is not wrong, maybe how I react to them is not wrong as well, it's also easier to think that they're wrong and then move on and pretend nothing ever happened. Like I said, it's just always EASIER.
I just don't feel easy when you condescend me, or when you always so quick to call it their fault. I don't like to hang around you, although I have good reason to disagree with what you do but it's not my life, and I need time to correct that shit part of myself because it reminds me of the many lives that I've single handedly ruined. I don't appreciate that stereotypical attitude, it's like the topic of dining alone in a public restaurant, you'll never understand and empathy will never quite get you there, but at least make an effort to withhold those comments. As much as people's attitude annoys me, it's not like my constant vulgarities, my immense unreasonable hate on people, my sarcastic and provoking tone of speech or my short temperateness doesn't annoy people as much.
Hence I've decided to do it the tough way. I sure hope I could right the wrong, and I know loneliness is quite the harsh medicine for me but it's the push I need. Things just need to be quiet, just like my social studies teacher in the past, my most respect teacher Mrs. Lee said "A wise old owl lived in a oak; the more he saw the less he spoke; the less he spoke the more he heard; the more he heard the more he learns". Thank you, I understand what you meant by silence is golden now.
You, whom is related, may or may not read this but here it is. Would you have gone "Hehe too late, could've told you exactly where was it but was too lazy to =X"? Chances are, you will not. Judging from the situation and your ego. All along I've endured your crankiness, if you've spoken and the listener does not understood, it's his damn ears' fault. If you heard something and couldn't make up what it is, it's his speech. "It's never my fault", and mind you, a friend of yours recently complemented you in front of me and how he's appreciative of your humbleness, I smiled but deep down I respectfully disagree. I personally watched you, countless times interacting with your close friends and for a lack of better word, humiliate them. Pointing into a whole rack full of plates and dishes and tell him "pass that dish" and then followed by "that dish lar!" for several times does not help, and you carried on by condescending his intelligence for not being able to make out WHICH particular plate you're referring in that whole rack packed with plates of different size and colour.
I still remember the first huge argument when we first came Australia, when I took the initiative to approach you and apologize, you were totally bossy. You just stood your ground so firmly and not wanting to give in at all, even the girl whom I claimed her to be "always sounded so self-righteous" seek reconciliation and have a discussion about it on equal ground. Guess what? The all of us CONVENIENTLY forsaken her because it's just easier. Is it not true? If I had to point one huge mistake I've made this year, it has got to be taking the easy way out, and I am deeply disappointed in myself for that too for being so weak.
There and then, I've decided and told myself to always take the hard way, the tough way and the way that I will walk alongside with my principles. I will stand on my principles or I WILL NOT STAND AT ALL.
Convenience is always the easy way out, I did not hold it against you when you were tired yesterday and couldn't make it to our friend's convocation. It's just utter disappointment knowing that you can't even sacrifice a small period of time to see a friend off, for as long as you know. I know and I understand it's just downright easier, you see, it's always easier. Yes, I did went there and have a brief 10 minutes with him, even if he doesn't care whether I'm there or not, I'm just probably a chess piece in his grand scheme of things to make him look popular. So what? He's been kind to me, and what kind of person am I going to be if I can't even make such a small sacrifice? Yes he was so busy entertaining everyone that I'd really look like an idiot standing around on my own, but think about this - what if everyone thought of the same thing? No one would go for anything, again, because it was easier. I've seen the look in my friends' face, even just for a brief moment when I'm the only one there for him and everyone else wasn't.
I've got no idea how much longer you want to test your friend's patience, because sometimes I just feel exhausted interacting with you.
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Speaking of taking an easy way out and forsaking a friend, do you remember there's a certain someone, which you'd never want to invite when you have a Christmas open house? Can I remind you right here that you disliked him because he made open, hurtful comments about you? How often now then, do you feel hurt hearing people making hurtful comments about you right in your face? Have you ever wondered why I'm so exceptionally quiet these days and the conversations I've made with you grown lesser and lesser? Because the backlash of all the mean things I have done to people is starting to kick into my guilt department and I'm grown sick of being that person. I know myself, and I know I'm quite a jerk and asshole to begin with, and I also know that I can't withhold all the hurtful comments if I'd respond to what you say sometimes, hence I chose silence. It is better off that way right isnt it? Saves all the trouble, and you could just continue to be happy with whoever you hang out with. My question is, as a friend for nearly 5 years, are you truly happy with regards to my first question?
Again, it's just easier if you could just take it in and dissolve it, of which I have to give it to you for having a significantly bigger heart and tolerance than I do, and shame on me even being a guy for that matter. But I do have to point out, amidst all the company you enjoy now, do things really work out to be easier now? You had to endure your kryptonite last time and be all friends with her, just so things could take the easy way out. How much pain did you endure eventually? If you could've taken the hard way and have a face-off with her and settle the scores with her, would you have preferred the outcome than how it is now? I tagged along with everyone else I must admit, and I admit it was all too easy to just follow the majority regardless of the justification of it. I too, admit that I was a spineless coward for not stepping up and solve things the way they should be. Hence, the decision. No one was there when everyone wrongfully accused me of so many things last year because of her, and everyone just played her game because it was easier. Now it seems I get to return the favor, but I am no where feeling proud of it, disgusted I would say, even if it's with regards to someone which has brought me pain before. That's just now how things should be, that's not how we treat people, that's not how we take advantage of situations.
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Alongside came along with so many more people who, sorry, for a lack of a better word - fallen. You know who I'm referring to if I'd mention shades and sunglasses. Yes, you. I don't remember whether you've said it personally before but I'm pretty darn sure you disagree with people who breaks up promises at the last minute. I stood as a bystander and watched how you changed all these while. Your occasional nocturnal activities is fine, because I was once a night animal too. Not until you started "FFK", for several times. Which was not fine. I don't care what your reasons are but you don't do such things. Yes, we all slack all the time for not doing work and get worked up at the last possible minute, but that's a price we should pay - and not something our friend should pay for us after we've made that promise. Prove me wrong, if you just woke up that morning and figured "ah, he wouldn't mind" and took the easy out way. To you, you'd think it wouldn't matter because he already have so much company already, and to him, it might or might not even bother him. Again, you might feel like a tool if you have gone there and didn't do much, imagine if the same would happen to you and no one turns up for your event. You'd probably say it would never happen, or state that even if you take the tough way, no one will ever do the same for you because everyone else is just as much of an asshole. Would you be content with yourself even if that's the fact, that you take the easy way out and everyone do what's convenient for themselves? Does it feel right?
I would be rendered speechless if you'd say you're fine with that.
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Oh, and you. I don't know when I started to stop talking to you, maybe there was just nothing to talk about. To you, everyone else was just weird and you're just the absolute norm. Don't even try to deny the fact that how you've so carelessly hurled those "you're weird" comments at me. You just have the privilege of the so called "normal", even then, the only constant between everyone is the difference.
All in all I'm not saying I am better, and I didn't point out your shits so I could cover mine. I'm probably worse off than a suicidal dude, a pesky fella or a mean girl. There are courage and strength in him that I could never have; In him there's the ability of forgiveness the size of Texas, and all the good qualities in him that I would never have and I'm so angry, and SO jealous because there are so much promise in him that if he would just be a little bit more hard-working he could be so much better than me; and in her lies the courage to be truthful to herself and never back down, even in the face of utter loneliness.
I'm just tired with a lot of people because they stopped trying, and if I hadn't make such a big deal out of it, everything would seem pretty normal. I know right, what's the big fuss about?! It's just how people are, just deal with it, it's not like you don't do it, everyone does it. If you're a Christian, shame on you. Please stop calling yourself one. If you're going to use it as a shield to commit these things and then blatantly ask for forgiveness after that, you're getting it wrong. What about the ever on-going self improving journey that all of us should embark on?
I'm just tired, maybe how people treat me is not wrong, maybe how I react to them is not wrong as well, it's also easier to think that they're wrong and then move on and pretend nothing ever happened. Like I said, it's just always EASIER.
I just don't feel easy when you condescend me, or when you always so quick to call it their fault. I don't like to hang around you, although I have good reason to disagree with what you do but it's not my life, and I need time to correct that shit part of myself because it reminds me of the many lives that I've single handedly ruined. I don't appreciate that stereotypical attitude, it's like the topic of dining alone in a public restaurant, you'll never understand and empathy will never quite get you there, but at least make an effort to withhold those comments. As much as people's attitude annoys me, it's not like my constant vulgarities, my immense unreasonable hate on people, my sarcastic and provoking tone of speech or my short temperateness doesn't annoy people as much.
Hence I've decided to do it the tough way. I sure hope I could right the wrong, and I know loneliness is quite the harsh medicine for me but it's the push I need. Things just need to be quiet, just like my social studies teacher in the past, my most respect teacher Mrs. Lee said "A wise old owl lived in a oak; the more he saw the less he spoke; the less he spoke the more he heard; the more he heard the more he learns". Thank you, I understand what you meant by silence is golden now.
