Accumulation

If you'd put aside few coins everyday, after a long period time, that's a lot of coins.

Same with feelings and experiences. They're like shillings being hurled into that card-box, clashing amongst themselves and echoing throughout before silently being tucked aside after the long day. If you would pour them all out again, it's a tsunami of collective past experiences gushing right at you, all at once and with that loud cry. 

So there I was counting all the shillings that I've been collecting throughout the year. It's as though I'm looking back to all the events that took place this year and I'm reviewing them one by one. Carefully stacking them in order afterwards and sum them all up. $450+ was it, because I want it to be exact figures. Overwhelming too, was all the events that took place this year. However I felt as though I have summed them all up and thought through them, now it's time to give it away and put it behind. In exchange I grow up more, just like how I've benefited myself with some usable money after the exchange. 

2012 is coming to an end, and boy, what a year. It's time to wrap up things and move on, least after my examinations. 

Nocturnal

I don't quite understand this part of me, everytime when it comes to study and SWOTVAC periods, I have a tendency to listen to clubbing music....and I have them with earphones at high volumes. 

Close my eyes and I'll be in a club with all the lighting and people. 

hmm...interesting. 

MyBox

I'd always wish, there's a sort of technology that could block sound completely. Of course you can say vacuum could do the job, but realising that technology from a conceptual stage is a huge leap. 

I like singing. And I'm bad at it. But who cares, I love to tune the music so loud and sing out load and still have the volume of the music high enough to cover my own voice, so I'd think my voice is very much alike with the singer...which is remarkably good. Except for the case of Rebecca Black, that I'd listen to my own voice.

I have to constantly hold my voice down because it's bad to disturb my neighbours, but sometimes I just want to sing out loud, like those days in my Honda City during traffic jams. 

God I miss having my own mobile karaoke box with 4 wheels. It's definitely most guys' insatiable thirst to have a decent car of their own, being able to move around unrestricted (except for the factor of fuel), and in my case - singing.

horribly.

out loud.

bom-pi-pi

On a second thought, I don't think I understand nor able to comprehend any of the surrounding happenings any more. 

Maybe that's why I could finally be at ease, when I have nothing in my hands and nothing to worry about. 

...and to the bom-pi-pi I could go off wandering by myself. 

Try

Where there is desire

There is gonna be a flame

Where there is a flame

Someone's bound to get burned

For what I am going to talk about is with regards to lyrics of Pink's song Try, it's very much like a tunnel vision as they're suppose to mean something else. However I am just going to isolate just these few lines and just view them as they are.

I think you could say that my personality is very much unorthodox, and I tend to have very different view on things. What people consider to be a norm was otherwise considered to be unsightly by me, for example punctuality. 

People get stressed up sometimes and clouded by the "what if", don't get me wrong, 99% of the people undergoes these sort of situations and friends would just come in and give advice of comfort. I on the other hand could tolerate these to a very small extent, to top it off I have only 0.01% of the normal human patience count. To me these are just an absolute waste of time, especially since you're worrying the unknown. Given the time still in their hands, you'd be surprise how people still sit around worrying about such things. Most of the time, I couldn't be bothered to give words of comfort. 

That and situations where people claimed that they're panicking because they can't finish an assignment or whatnot. That is another thing that I could not comprehend. It's essentially the same thing where they kept thinking "what if I couldn't make it in time?". Panic will throw your focus off balance, and cut your efficiency down because a good amount of energy is spent on stressing yourself up. Why couldn't people just tell themselves that  "I can do this" or "Come what may, I'll do what I can now" instead, rather than all the broadcasting your panic state of mind. 

Another would be how people go around bragging how little sleep they've got due to the rushing of assignment. I honestly cannot wait to tell you how much sleep I've got as opposed to your nap time. Why are people so proud of all the hardships they've endured due to their lack of capability in time management?

I don't understand. Why aren't people striving to be stronger than what they could be? It's funny at times too when I give it my best shot, be on top of time management and diligent in attending lectures so I could be prepared for tests - only to be deemed arrogant when my response to the preparations done was "I think I've done what I could and I think I'm prepared". Allow me to break it down to you - the all of you are babies sitting there crying hoping the world could come shower their love on you, so you could be saturated with all the constant reminders that the  world loves you and fills you up like a sponge which in fact the world is full of lies. Wait till the day where you really needs help, there and then see carefully who are the ones with words only and without actions. 

Hate me? Exactly what I am trying to say. People constantly put their friends to a test because they want such reminders, and when one turns their back because they've had enough, the streak continues on by stressing the remaining existing friends. The loop can never be closed. There's only a few handful of people where I know they're really trying and only break it down to me when they really need an ear. Come the time where harsh words are needed to give them a wake up call, they deem you as a harsh and not understanding. 

That and a whole long lists of events that took place this year. Nobody is trying any more because they're the majority. Nobody is trying any more because all they do is try to fit in the majority. Nobody is trying any more because they're afraid of being left out. All your ideals will die away with your desire to fit into somebody else's ideals. All that you stood for and believed will be twisted and degrade because the "majority" you so wished to be a part of, deemed it as a norm. 

You see, I have a desire. 

雨过天晴

日子似乎又随冷风，马马虎虎地被刮走了。

和位好友说起朋友与朋友， 人与人之间认识期间的发展性。 好笑的是我们都采用许多工程系的词汇来当作比喻。如果画在图表上， 每一个具有代表性的线条都会达到一个高峰点。 那每一个人， 到了认识的某一个阶段或者时期，都会经历一个突破点。 换比方说， 每认识一个人一段时期后， 那段感情一定会被考验。 关键点就在这儿，因为那段感情能不能持续就靠这重要的一刻。摩擦是难免的， 但是效果不是随摩擦而改变，却是彼此人格的操纵性变数。

有时是说江山易改，本性难移； 但有时有些人也难免会在短暂的时间内脱胎换骨， 因为某某不寻常或不可理喻的情况造成的。当局者迷，旁观者清嘛，当局者难免也会在孤单时里被搞得云里雾里。 说是说这是理所当然， 冠冕堂皇的大好理由，但如果拿这个理由当做挡箭牌那就太不应该了。

我倒是觉得很多人不够坚强， 为何为了避免孤僻的每一夜而逐渐忘我。哪怕别人另眼相看， 或者落后在人群中， 我现在倒是觉得平静很多，重点是我安分守己地做我对得起自己良心的事就可以了。宁为玉碎，不为瓦全；宁可失去全世界， 也不宁在镜子看不到我自己。 如果连一句谈话我都得处处谨慎， 免得踩到地雷，一刻都不能松懈，那是多么累的事啊。这也许是我的选择， 也可能是必不得已， 但因为这样也能让我看得一清二楚，我对我自己人生的要求。 快乐是可以简单的，人生几何， 珍惜自己也就包括回避这类似的漩涡。在宁静的旋律里，也可以找到幸福与快乐的。

周立恒， 对，那就是我。

True arrogance

Every now and then, all I see are people trying to keep up or catch up to what others are doing. Even if it's just walking, and in that I see their fear of being alone and lonely. No one ever turns back and lookout for the ones that got left behind, they're just too occupied with playing catch-up. Why? Because often I am the one behind watching everyone got so pre-occupied with that mindless game.

There's no more point in telling anything to anyone, any more. They're never quite there and will never quite get it anyway, in the light you see nothing in the pitch black; but in the utter darkness I see everything clearly in the illuminated. A friend talked about giving up and giving in and it's difference, and it seems as though I'm giving in a lot, but in fact, I gave up completely. 

Love gives birth to hate. That love can just be the love for a better good in humanity, care for a friend or even an inborn compassion you've always have in you; and hate is a gradual degradation from disappointment. Take the root of hatred out from the equation, and it'll become an unknown. It just becomes a sort of numbness.

Never have I seen such arrogance. Your day to day niceness does not count, it's in times of conflict and when your dignity is challenged, can your true personality be shown. I think I've seen enough, and gave in enough all the years. If you'd find this laughable, it's ok, regard me as a fool and walk ahead. 

...I'd choose to walk behind any day, because I grew so tired of it.