Of heat and cold feet

Got back yesterday, and Melbourne welcomed me with a stunning 39 degrees C. It's actually a darn good piece of news, that simply means Central Australia wont be any worse! Such a relieve to know that. 

Anyhow, sister's wedding is over. So many details to run through, but all in all it was very smooth and the wait for over a year and a half is finally over. Many relatives came to grace the ceremony and join us for dinner. Around 65 tables was booked for the dinner on the very same day where the groom came to picked the bride up. Gotta say it's my first time experiencing all that, alongside with 大妗公 guiding all the ceremony.

Speaking of which, of all things to go wrong, the 大妗公had forgotten to bring those tea cups over to the groom's house after the bride pick-up. Honestly we had God to thank, because just the day before this, my sister insisted that I should drive and remember the directions to my in-law's place, alongside with a funny turn of events in the morning on how I chose to get my hair done as opposed to the evening - I became the saviour of the day. Grabbed the tea cups and head right over. Took a wrong turn actually, but no matter, I just knew I had to go Puchong Jaya where all the shops are, and find CIMB bank. It's more than just mere coincidence as well, on how I talked to one of bridesmaid's husband and he mentioned CIMB bank is the landmark. Not to mention too on how the poolside party on Saturday completed with a fantastic and lovely weather, bearing in mind that the immediate days before and after the party had heavy downpour in the evenings. 

Me thinks this had everything to do with my awesome earth dragon luck =P. Sis mentioned this year is the dragon of the water element, and it's a tough year for a lot of people because according to feng shui, it's the most powerful one amongst all the permutation of chinese horoscopes and the 5 elements. I reign supreme! Anyhow we definitely have God to thank, for all the blessing and smooth sailing he had bestowed upon us. 

Dinner was hectic too because I had to count all the ang pao and make the payment. A lot of responsibility was placed onto my care, but given that I had ample time to get accustomed to it prior to the arrival of the day, I think I managed them pretty well =). 

Got back yesterday noon and boy, was that some serious travelling that took up so much time. No matter, GOLDCOAST tomorrow!

Recall

Every now and then I get recorded on videos and upon watching them, they really do bring back unpleasant memories. 

Some parts of the old me that I try so hard to sometimes shake it off is clearly still clinging onto me, and only by a third party observation could I be reminded the existence of it. 

I don't usually say this - but I hate myself sometimes. I couldn't even bare the sight of myself in the clip, let alone finishing the video. 

Guess I don't mind moulting my skin sometimes,  because so long the old skins are on the recalling of laughters and jeering will always come back to me. Guess I am really born of the year of reptiles, dragon and snake. 

All those condescending looks, no more of it.

Undo

Not sure how it would pan out for others, but the time when I feel closest to myself is when I look into my own eyes in front of the mirror. That is when I truly feel like who I am suppose to be and who I want to be. 

Every now and then I unintentionally commit actions that would deviate from my supposed pathway, and at the end of the day when I looked into the mirror I just hope there is a way that...I could somehow let them know that I'm sorry and I didn't mean to do that. Often the next morning pride would overshadow my being and it's what we call "moving on". It may seemed like the most normal things but it just feels like if I don't at least reflect on it I'll become worse. 

It can be the tiniest matter but it matters. Like how I ignore a friend's question just because I was just too lazy to respond to it; or not acknowledging someone's effort for trying when I clearly noticed it at the farthest corner of my eye; or not trying to keep everyone entertained because I'm selfish and I couldn't be bothered, and perhaps thinking "it's not my problem".

That...and on contrary to what everyone thinks about me - I'm actually very afraid of trying. Because I've always known too well on how to protect my own heart, that I've tucked a lot of feelings away. A dish is best served warm, but often I'd force myself to take the cold one so I will never have to risk getting a burn, and in return the flavour is never quite there. 

Ah anyway  past 2 days have been a cheerful one. Joy, and how it can be uncovered in the simplest things in life. Now for some quality time with myself. 

Lemonade

If all bodes well, I've gotta say -

I'M DONE WITH UNIVERSITY!

I know, I know, you'd probably go yeah yeah whatever but hey, no hating on the goodies kay? Gotta say most of the events that took place this last semester has been rather smooth and I'm truly grateful for the smooth sail this semester. 

The Design Project is definitely one to name. It's rare to have 6 people gathering together on a Friday munching on biscuits and chatting about all the irrelevant stuffs when we have a due date coming up. No stress no fightin' no hatin'. Definitely one to remember, and I sure look forward to the pool party.

All the trips will be trippin' all over my calender as well the moment I start flying back for my sis's wedding. Gold Coast, Tasmania and Central Australia. Oh, just the thought of em' gets my spirit floatin' a little. Besides, had a great time past exam on Tues, although I did have a hard time recovering from a little overdose of alcohol (I have to admit, I'm out of practice and it's probably the excessive green tea I had on a daily basis), but it was all good and fun. Ate good food, had a great time in the outdoors and just doing things without worrying, it's like Sydney all over again and I like the vibe in it. The care-freeness. 

So that's it to the academic chapters of my life, and I think I deserve half a page of utter blankness in the book after the last sentence summing up that chapter. Until the next page which reveals the next chapter, I'll live my life the way I promised myself many many years ago, dwell in life's happiness like wedding ( it's finally hitting me that my sister is INDEED getting maried end of this month! ) and bring myself to all the adventures waiting for me!

Accumulation

If you'd put aside few coins everyday, after a long period time, that's a lot of coins.

Same with feelings and experiences. They're like shillings being hurled into that card-box, clashing amongst themselves and echoing throughout before silently being tucked aside after the long day. If you would pour them all out again, it's a tsunami of collective past experiences gushing right at you, all at once and with that loud cry. 

So there I was counting all the shillings that I've been collecting throughout the year. It's as though I'm looking back to all the events that took place this year and I'm reviewing them one by one. Carefully stacking them in order afterwards and sum them all up. $450+ was it, because I want it to be exact figures. Overwhelming too, was all the events that took place this year. However I felt as though I have summed them all up and thought through them, now it's time to give it away and put it behind. In exchange I grow up more, just like how I've benefited myself with some usable money after the exchange. 

2012 is coming to an end, and boy, what a year. It's time to wrap up things and move on, least after my examinations. 

Nocturnal

I don't quite understand this part of me, everytime when it comes to study and SWOTVAC periods, I have a tendency to listen to clubbing music....and I have them with earphones at high volumes. 

Close my eyes and I'll be in a club with all the lighting and people. 

hmm...interesting. 

MyBox

I'd always wish, there's a sort of technology that could block sound completely. Of course you can say vacuum could do the job, but realising that technology from a conceptual stage is a huge leap. 

I like singing. And I'm bad at it. But who cares, I love to tune the music so loud and sing out load and still have the volume of the music high enough to cover my own voice, so I'd think my voice is very much alike with the singer...which is remarkably good. Except for the case of Rebecca Black, that I'd listen to my own voice.

I have to constantly hold my voice down because it's bad to disturb my neighbours, but sometimes I just want to sing out loud, like those days in my Honda City during traffic jams. 

God I miss having my own mobile karaoke box with 4 wheels. It's definitely most guys' insatiable thirst to have a decent car of their own, being able to move around unrestricted (except for the factor of fuel), and in my case - singing.

horribly.

out loud.

bom-pi-pi

On a second thought, I don't think I understand nor able to comprehend any of the surrounding happenings any more. 

Maybe that's why I could finally be at ease, when I have nothing in my hands and nothing to worry about. 

...and to the bom-pi-pi I could go off wandering by myself. 

Try

Where there is desire

There is gonna be a flame

Where there is a flame

Someone's bound to get burned

For what I am going to talk about is with regards to lyrics of Pink's song Try, it's very much like a tunnel vision as they're suppose to mean something else. However I am just going to isolate just these few lines and just view them as they are.

I think you could say that my personality is very much unorthodox, and I tend to have very different view on things. What people consider to be a norm was otherwise considered to be unsightly by me, for example punctuality. 

People get stressed up sometimes and clouded by the "what if", don't get me wrong, 99% of the people undergoes these sort of situations and friends would just come in and give advice of comfort. I on the other hand could tolerate these to a very small extent, to top it off I have only 0.01% of the normal human patience count. To me these are just an absolute waste of time, especially since you're worrying the unknown. Given the time still in their hands, you'd be surprise how people still sit around worrying about such things. Most of the time, I couldn't be bothered to give words of comfort. 

That and situations where people claimed that they're panicking because they can't finish an assignment or whatnot. That is another thing that I could not comprehend. It's essentially the same thing where they kept thinking "what if I couldn't make it in time?". Panic will throw your focus off balance, and cut your efficiency down because a good amount of energy is spent on stressing yourself up. Why couldn't people just tell themselves that  "I can do this" or "Come what may, I'll do what I can now" instead, rather than all the broadcasting your panic state of mind. 

Another would be how people go around bragging how little sleep they've got due to the rushing of assignment. I honestly cannot wait to tell you how much sleep I've got as opposed to your nap time. Why are people so proud of all the hardships they've endured due to their lack of capability in time management?

I don't understand. Why aren't people striving to be stronger than what they could be? It's funny at times too when I give it my best shot, be on top of time management and diligent in attending lectures so I could be prepared for tests - only to be deemed arrogant when my response to the preparations done was "I think I've done what I could and I think I'm prepared". Allow me to break it down to you - the all of you are babies sitting there crying hoping the world could come shower their love on you, so you could be saturated with all the constant reminders that the  world loves you and fills you up like a sponge which in fact the world is full of lies. Wait till the day where you really needs help, there and then see carefully who are the ones with words only and without actions. 

Hate me? Exactly what I am trying to say. People constantly put their friends to a test because they want such reminders, and when one turns their back because they've had enough, the streak continues on by stressing the remaining existing friends. The loop can never be closed. There's only a few handful of people where I know they're really trying and only break it down to me when they really need an ear. Come the time where harsh words are needed to give them a wake up call, they deem you as a harsh and not understanding. 

That and a whole long lists of events that took place this year. Nobody is trying any more because they're the majority. Nobody is trying any more because all they do is try to fit in the majority. Nobody is trying any more because they're afraid of being left out. All your ideals will die away with your desire to fit into somebody else's ideals. All that you stood for and believed will be twisted and degrade because the "majority" you so wished to be a part of, deemed it as a norm. 

You see, I have a desire. 

雨过天晴

日子似乎又随冷风，马马虎虎地被刮走了。

和位好友说起朋友与朋友， 人与人之间认识期间的发展性。 好笑的是我们都采用许多工程系的词汇来当作比喻。如果画在图表上， 每一个具有代表性的线条都会达到一个高峰点。 那每一个人， 到了认识的某一个阶段或者时期，都会经历一个突破点。 换比方说， 每认识一个人一段时期后， 那段感情一定会被考验。 关键点就在这儿，因为那段感情能不能持续就靠这重要的一刻。摩擦是难免的， 但是效果不是随摩擦而改变，却是彼此人格的操纵性变数。

有时是说江山易改，本性难移； 但有时有些人也难免会在短暂的时间内脱胎换骨， 因为某某不寻常或不可理喻的情况造成的。当局者迷，旁观者清嘛，当局者难免也会在孤单时里被搞得云里雾里。 说是说这是理所当然， 冠冕堂皇的大好理由，但如果拿这个理由当做挡箭牌那就太不应该了。

我倒是觉得很多人不够坚强， 为何为了避免孤僻的每一夜而逐渐忘我。哪怕别人另眼相看， 或者落后在人群中， 我现在倒是觉得平静很多，重点是我安分守己地做我对得起自己良心的事就可以了。宁为玉碎，不为瓦全；宁可失去全世界， 也不宁在镜子看不到我自己。 如果连一句谈话我都得处处谨慎， 免得踩到地雷，一刻都不能松懈，那是多么累的事啊。这也许是我的选择， 也可能是必不得已， 但因为这样也能让我看得一清二楚，我对我自己人生的要求。 快乐是可以简单的，人生几何， 珍惜自己也就包括回避这类似的漩涡。在宁静的旋律里，也可以找到幸福与快乐的。

周立恒， 对，那就是我。

True arrogance

Every now and then, all I see are people trying to keep up or catch up to what others are doing. Even if it's just walking, and in that I see their fear of being alone and lonely. No one ever turns back and lookout for the ones that got left behind, they're just too occupied with playing catch-up. Why? Because often I am the one behind watching everyone got so pre-occupied with that mindless game.

There's no more point in telling anything to anyone, any more. They're never quite there and will never quite get it anyway, in the light you see nothing in the pitch black; but in the utter darkness I see everything clearly in the illuminated. A friend talked about giving up and giving in and it's difference, and it seems as though I'm giving in a lot, but in fact, I gave up completely. 

Love gives birth to hate. That love can just be the love for a better good in humanity, care for a friend or even an inborn compassion you've always have in you; and hate is a gradual degradation from disappointment. Take the root of hatred out from the equation, and it'll become an unknown. It just becomes a sort of numbness.

Never have I seen such arrogance. Your day to day niceness does not count, it's in times of conflict and when your dignity is challenged, can your true personality be shown. I think I've seen enough, and gave in enough all the years. If you'd find this laughable, it's ok, regard me as a fool and walk ahead. 

...I'd choose to walk behind any day, because I grew so tired of it.

Convenience

TL:DR - Phew finally vent it out, all the weeks of silence. The easy way out of things doesn't quite seem to be the right thing. And I think I need a reset  and it's better off sometimes that I just be with myself. 

-

People take the easy way out, most of the time. Why? Because it's just easy. Had a sorta misunderstanding with my housemates and the usual short tempered me reacted badly, could've given a "meh" at the end and avoided all of those but lesson's learnt. Another incident for myself to serve as a reminder to keep my temper at check. With that in mind, I did not choose reconciliation because I totally knew where it's heading.

You, whom is related, may or may not read this but here it is. Would you have gone "Hehe too late, could've told you exactly where was it but was too lazy to =X"? Chances are, you will not. Judging from the situation and your ego. All along I've endured your crankiness, if you've spoken and the listener does not understood, it's his damn ears' fault. If you heard something and couldn't make up what it is, it's his speech.  "It's never my fault", and mind you, a friend of yours recently complemented you in front of me and how he's appreciative of your humbleness, I smiled but deep down I respectfully disagree. I personally watched you, countless times interacting with your close friends and for a lack of better word, humiliate them. Pointing into a whole rack full of plates and dishes and tell him "pass that dish" and then followed by "that dish lar!" for several times does not help, and you carried on by condescending his intelligence for not being able to make out WHICH particular plate you're referring in that whole rack packed with plates of different size and colour.

I still remember the first huge argument when we first came Australia, when I took the initiative to approach you and apologize, you were totally bossy. You just stood your ground so firmly and not wanting to give in at all, even the girl whom I claimed her to be "always sounded so self-righteous" seek reconciliation and have a discussion about it on equal ground. Guess what? The all of us CONVENIENTLY forsaken her because it's just easier. Is it not true? If I had to point one huge mistake I've made this year, it has got to be taking the easy way out, and I am deeply disappointed in myself for that too for being so weak.

There and then, I've decided and told myself to always take the hard way, the tough way and the way that I will walk alongside with my principles. I will stand on my principles or I WILL NOT STAND AT ALL.

Convenience is always the easy way out, I did not hold it against you when you were tired yesterday and couldn't make it to our friend's convocation. It's just utter disappointment knowing that you can't even sacrifice a small period of time to see a friend off, for as long as you know. I know and I understand it's just downright easier, you see, it's always easier. Yes, I did went there and have a brief 10 minutes with him, even if he doesn't care whether I'm there or not, I'm just probably a chess piece in his grand scheme of things to make him look popular. So what? He's been kind to me, and what kind of person am I going to be if I can't even make such a small sacrifice? Yes he was so busy entertaining everyone that I'd really look like an idiot standing around on my own, but think about this - what if everyone thought of the same thing? No one would go for anything, again, because it was easier. I've seen the look in my friends' face, even just for a brief moment when I'm the only one there for him and everyone else wasn't.

I've got no idea how much longer you want to test your friend's patience, because sometimes I just feel exhausted interacting with you.

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Speaking of taking an easy way out and forsaking a friend, do you remember there's a certain someone, which you'd never want to invite when you have a Christmas open house? Can I remind you right here that you disliked him because he made open, hurtful comments about you? How often now then, do you feel hurt hearing people making hurtful comments about you right in your face? Have you ever wondered why I'm so exceptionally quiet these days and the conversations I've made with you grown lesser and lesser? Because the backlash of all the mean things I have done to people is starting to kick into my guilt department and I'm grown sick of being that person. I know myself, and I know I'm quite a jerk and asshole to begin with, and I also know that I can't withhold all the hurtful comments if I'd respond to what you say sometimes, hence I chose silence. It is better off that way right isnt it? Saves all the trouble, and you could just continue to be happy with whoever you hang out with. My question is, as a friend for nearly 5 years, are you truly happy with regards to my first question?

Again, it's just easier if you could just take it in and dissolve it, of which I have to give it to you for having a significantly bigger heart and tolerance than I do, and shame on me even being a guy for that matter. But I do have to point out, amidst all the company you enjoy now, do things really work out to be easier now? You had to endure your kryptonite last time and be all friends with her, just so things could take the easy way out. How much pain did you endure eventually? If you could've taken the hard way and have a face-off with her and settle the scores with her, would you have preferred the outcome than how it is now? I tagged along with everyone else I must admit, and I admit it was all too easy to just follow the majority regardless of the justification of it. I too, admit that I was a spineless coward for not stepping up and solve things the way they should be. Hence, the decision. No one was there when everyone wrongfully accused me of so many things last year because of her, and everyone just played her game because it was easier. Now it seems I get to return the favor, but I am no where feeling proud of it, disgusted I would say, even if it's with regards to someone which has brought me pain before. That's just now how things should be, that's not how we treat people, that's not how we take advantage of situations.

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Alongside came along with so many more people who, sorry, for a lack of a better word - fallen. You know who I'm referring to if I'd mention shades and sunglasses. Yes, you. I don't remember whether you've said it personally before but I'm pretty darn sure you disagree with people who breaks up promises at the last minute. I stood as a bystander and watched how you changed all these while. Your occasional nocturnal activities is fine, because I was once a night animal too. Not until you started "FFK", for several times. Which was not fine. I don't care what your reasons are but you don't do such things. Yes, we all slack all the time for not doing work and get worked up at the last possible minute, but that's a price we should pay - and not something our friend should pay for us after we've made that promise. Prove me wrong, if you just woke up that morning and figured "ah, he wouldn't mind" and took the easy out way. To you, you'd think it wouldn't matter because he already have so much company already, and to him, it might or might not even bother him. Again, you might feel like a tool if you have gone there and didn't do much, imagine if the same would happen to you and no one turns up for your event. You'd probably say it would never happen, or state that even if you take the tough way, no one will ever do the same for you because everyone else is just as much of an asshole. Would you be content with yourself even if that's the fact, that you take the easy way out and everyone do what's convenient for themselves? Does it feel right?

I would be rendered speechless if you'd say you're fine with that.

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Oh, and you. I don't know when I started to stop talking to you, maybe there was just nothing to talk about. To you, everyone else was just weird and you're just the absolute norm. Don't even try to deny the fact that how you've so carelessly hurled those "you're weird" comments at me. You just have the privilege of the so called "normal", even then, the only constant between everyone is the difference.

All in all I'm not saying I am better, and I didn't point out your shits so I could cover mine. I'm probably worse off than a suicidal dude, a pesky fella or a mean girl. There are courage and strength in him that I could never have; In him there's the ability of forgiveness the size of Texas, and all the good qualities in him that I would never have and I'm so angry, and SO jealous because there are so much promise in him that if he would just be a little bit more hard-working he could be so much better than me; and in her lies the courage to be truthful to herself and never back down, even in the face of utter loneliness.

I'm just tired with a lot of people because they stopped trying, and if I hadn't make such a big deal out of it, everything would seem pretty normal. I know right, what's the big fuss about?! It's just how people are, just deal with it, it's not like you don't do it, everyone does it. If you're a Christian, shame on you. Please stop calling yourself one. If you're going to use it as a shield to commit these things and then blatantly ask for forgiveness after that, you're getting it wrong. What about the ever on-going self improving journey that all of us should embark on?

I'm just tired, maybe how people treat me is not wrong, maybe how I react to them is not wrong as well, it's also easier to think that they're wrong and then move on and pretend nothing ever happened. Like I said, it's just always EASIER.

I just don't feel easy when you condescend me, or when you always so quick to call it their fault. I don't like to hang around you, although I have good reason to disagree with what you do but it's not my life, and I need time to correct that shit part of myself because it reminds me of the many lives that I've single handedly ruined. I don't appreciate that stereotypical attitude, it's like the topic of dining alone in a public restaurant, you'll never understand and empathy will never quite get you there, but at least make an effort to withhold those comments. As much as people's attitude annoys me, it's not like my constant vulgarities, my immense unreasonable hate on people, my sarcastic and provoking tone of speech or my short temperateness doesn't annoy people as much.

Hence I've decided to do it the tough way. I sure hope I could right the wrong, and I know loneliness is quite the harsh medicine for me but it's the push I need. Things just need to be quiet, just like my social studies teacher in the past, my most respect teacher Mrs. Lee said "A wise old owl lived in a oak; the more he saw the less he spoke; the less he spoke the more he heard; the more he heard the more he learns". Thank you, I understand what you meant by silence is golden now.

Down on my knees

...and I get back up again. What else would it be but Life, if I just give up and lay dead there?

Every day is a unique journey carved by the hands of God, even if its that one day where a heavy branch also fell right atop of you. First thing is my mind was, "holy shit" and probably the first thing I said which caught the attention of a Caucasian nearby. Then it translates to sheer amusement of the coincidence, and you'd be a weirdo if you didn't, for a second thought of what would've happened if you were 4 foot steps faster.

Maybe the message to me was to take my life steadily, step by step and uncover the answers I seek. 

Nothing much recently, pretty much done with the drafts required for tomorrow's Design Project interview. Watched a hilarious lip-sync of Twilight, introduced to a tumblr site which blogs about our design project, probably one the girls in our cohort. Gotta hand it to her for finding all the animated GIF pictures with regards to her everyday life with Design Project, I could totally relate 99.99% of myself to her. Friend had a birthday last Saturday, yesterday. Had a good day spent in karaoke which I bumped into a friend which I would least expect to see, and was working there as part-time. Dinner at Beergarden with some nice mussels, chips and beer. Happy Birthday to you mate. 

Guess that's all, bed's all calling out to me already. 

Back to Black

If you life were a greyscale movie yesterday, 

would you still find it as tasteful as today's life?

Yes, I thought. Why, I wondered. I don't even know what this question means, somehow it just occurs to me and I don't even quite know what actually it means or whether do my thoughts answers the question. 

Yesterday I took the wrong bus home, gotta imagine that face of mine when the bus took a left turn as supposed to the right turn after exiting the bus interchange. Oh wells I thought, and took a long walk. 

Thing's turning again, imagine your life's like a Earth globe on your working desk. I've spun it once and the world shifts, it's turning again. I wouldn't exactly say I lived a different life than others, but I'd say I learnt to see things from a very different perspective. It's both a blessing and a curse, when the first you see in everything is the frailty of it, and the things that follows. 

-------------

Black is my colour. Some may claim it to be boring, dull and emotional. That is because they stand at the bright side and stared down into an alley. When you belong to the shadow, you see everything that is happening. Silence is golden, I think I'm starting to see the truth in it. Black is the nothingness, at the same time it's everything. 

I guess to answer the question, which I've just figured a second ago. That is, it's like silence is golden, you don't feel it as much unless you're stripped of your privilege and left handicapped. Without the colours, you're no longer feeling it with your eyes anymore. You. Feel. It. Now, completely. Heh I don't even know what am I saying, it's just difficult to put it in words but yeah.

If I'd be a renowned artists and display a huge panel of black titled "Feel".

The point is not what you see in that black picture,

it's what that is going on in the back of your mind when you stopped and stared into nothingness.

Would you still give it to the artist for what he has done?

T-Shirt

Took me a good 2 months to realised that I've left this shirt behind in Sydney. Did I mention how much I liked this t-shirt, and that I only hand wash this piece of clothing and never have it inside the washing machine? Now it's gone, just like that. 

There's something pretty special about this t-shirt as well and what's written on it, "This is my love story. It's true" and I feel pretty attached to those lines. Things like these are sometimes irreplaceable. Sigh. This post is published in memory of it. 

Mind

For all the things that you have done...
For all the things that you want to get it done...

For the all the thing that you've heard,
and seen...

For all the things that you'd think you have,
and also the things that are clearly out of your reach...

For all the things you've ever wanted and cried for,
that you've cut out a piece of you because you're afraid of it's cancerous effect...

For all the blessings that you've have attained,
and also the cursed parts of you that still haunts you...

For all the feelings and silent screams, for all the comforts and enlightenment..

I'm just a soul, and I could really use some silence. 

Comma

Been a while since I last posted, and so much has happened. Guess I'm just getting a little lazy to record every moment of my life, sometimes I just let them pass by like that. Just like that. I guess I know what I want in my life, and nothing else seems to matter. 

Anyways thinking back, what came right after my last entry has got to be the release of my results. Obtained a high distinction for my FYP research project, and also HD and a D for the remaining two units. Joy, in it's purest form. 

Next up has got to be the Sydney trip. Total of 6 days and 5 nights, totally unheard of and probably the only fella around who could've spent so much time in Sydney. Thanks to the girls who did all the planning ( while I contributed by being a full time photographer ), I had a very fulfilling time in Sydney, to both my soul and my gut. 

Otherwise, holiday seems to be a breeze and before anyone realises it, it's over. Class resumed and we're tied up a lot by our FYP Design Project. I have meetings with my group mates 3 times a week and the workload is starting to take it's toll on my stamina and spiritual being. No matter how hard we've work, we're still behind schedule and trust me, we've been working. To think that I have a test tomorrow and I just spent a good 2-3 hours this afternoon doing research just bores me out for the rest of the night. Don't even get me begin with how I'm already stressed on the first week of the semester, and the unending occurrence of pimples on my face, due to all the toxic build-up as a result of my stress level. 

My nerdy life, on the other hand, took quite a huge stumble. Diablo 3 still turns out to be a dissapointment and still remains to be incorrigible. Bought Guild Wars 2 though, and placing a good amount of faith in it as well. Otherwise, everything else seems fine. There are of course bigger mysteries in life and unanswered questions, and there are also things that will never be in your reach - so who am I to be so greedy as to wanting everything in life?

Planning to buy a Crumpler bag after much withholding, had my current bag since first year of university and the base of it has been torn ages ago, now that my strap's sewing is faulty, I think I have a good reason to change. My pencil case too, it's still that bloody Body Glove branded one that I've been using since high school. I don't spend much on others, I usually spend on things that feeds my soul - food.  That could be one, but as much as I try to understand why people spend excessively on materialistic things, I still don't quite agree that materialism could actually nourish your spiritual being. All the things that  are sitting around you, piling endlessly with sky's the limit makes me wonder...

...do you actually want those things to fill up the corners of your vision, so you could lie to yourself that you HAVE things and thinking that they could fill up the voids in your heart, instead of facing the harsh truth that - we, human, in fact cannot have everything and some things are just not meant to be ours, and we just have to live with it?

Always makes me wonder what are the exact thoughts at the back of their minds when people constantly have to buy and own stuffs. That and of recent months, I could hear my thoughts more clearly and louder, and I could make up what I really want in my life more. People might mistook me for the change in attitude, but a lot of my actions just dictates that I just don't care anymore, and for all the things that hurts or displeases me, staying away seems to be the better off solution - because my mind's really tired.

I miss us.

Well, the title says it all, guess distractions from reality serve me well, until I have to lock myself out of a game recently because I had to study.


sometimes I really just wonder, where do I go from here? If only I could have things the way they are now...at least for a while more. Just...a while more.

strumming the heartstrings

Haven't updated my blog with any entries recently, since I moved in. That was a good one month ago. I guess I have fully settled into my new house, awesome place. A lot of things have changed, but it's not like things took a turn for the worse.


Shopped once recently, got an Abercrombie & Fitch pants, it was like the most comfortable sweatpants around.

Yeap, that's the one. This time round I actually went for more colourful shirts. Got a yellow tee, a light pink jumper, this green sweatpants, and a Modern Warfare 3 tee. I saw the other sweat pants the other day but I've searched high and low in Melbourne and I still couldn't find it. They're just all sold out everywhere.

It's something like this, but the one I had my eyes set on was the one labelled "A&Fitch" instead of "A&F". What difference could it make? I know, but I just had to have the other one and will not settle for less...although if they do have this one I guess I don't mind? In which case they have neither so... sucks to be me. Pre-ordered Diablo 3 as well, coming out on 15th May, which is pretty close to my examination period. Time flies doesn't it, my semester one is already closing to an end. 

Costs me $10. I'm kidding, that's just as a reservation to my pre-prder. Costs me $89 in total. Thanks mom!    And sorry for not even thinking twice when I pre-order because it's like the most awesome game and I've been waiting like ages for that.

Just another day today I guess. Had dinner, thinking about assignments but couldn't sum up the strength to bring myself to do it. Slacking all day is how we fourth year student roll. Just a thought tho,

Some heartstrings were meant to be severed, and some memories are never to be strummed again.

I guess life just wont be as simple sometimes, especially when that music box you've decided to cast it aside just decides to topple and fall over - to remind you of the melodies that obviously already have layers of harmonic stacking on one another. 

It was once simple, it was once wonderful, but I think I have decided to shut my ears off, and learn to hate it - so I could live a much happy life, which could have been...happier.

Bayview

Oh, if the name sounded relaxing and recuperative, I'd like you to think twice.

It's actually the street name of our new house, and it only spells disaster and loads of troubles when it comes to moving new houses. So, it all started when I got back to Australia. 

It. Was. Scorching. Hot. None like any other hot weather I have ever experienced in Australia, and those that remained in Australia throughout the summer had claimed that it was one of the hottest days. Hell. Imagine my discomfort after alighting the plane, with all the jet lag and that depleted stamina. I could only stay in my friend's house for the day and frankly speaking, it was really uncomfortable, and it's not their house is at fault. That night I had to sleep on the floor, yes, with just a superbly thin comforter which you can find on an airplane (with pillow oh god thank goodness). Not to mention a whole forehead of continuous sweating. However I still have them to thank for, as in for taking us in. I slept in pretty early, but in all honestly I couldn't sleep, I was actually waken up by a sudden stroke of heat. I was sweating. Badly. There and then I realized I really couldn't do this. I went downstairs and sorta get a drink and chill while figuring how am I suppose to spend the night.

This, you have got to believe me. Somehow, there's a voice at the back of my head just whispered to me "Lester, remember? You have a fan." AH! The joy in realizing that! I immediately ransacked my properly sealed boxes of stuffs that I have left in their living room last year, and recovered the fan. OH, thank god! The night was a ton better with that fan. Although it was dry still, at least it stopped my sweating to a significant amount. The next few nights were so much better with the change in weather, and I moved downstairs to occupy my friend's queen sized bed with another friend. 

Until the next major move, I sorta filled the days with Starcraft 2. Hell, I think I improved by NOT playing for over an extended amount of time. Oh, did I also mention my class had already started? And that I miss the first lecture, on the first day because it was raining. Oh c'mon, it's not like I skipped one for the sake of skipping one. Besides, we actually went shopping for some stuffs for our house. Washing machine, bread toasters, vacuum cleaner and furniture are to be named. We already plan to hire a van and drive on our own after making those purchases, because paying delivery for both Harvey Norman and Ikea is unwise. Plus, we had to move our own boxes and belongings. It all started at Harvey Norman. Somehow, I just feel like God has been very kind to me, and I'm starting to oversee all the hardships he had me encounter. One of my housemate, JiaYean , her brother had a friend who worked in Harvey Norman - discounts!

We picked several of the items of our choice, and head to look for her. Apparently she's placed at a HM booth outside of the store, whilst still being in the mall. She had the desktop to issue invoices and prices, so she did so. At nearly the price of the original cost of the item. She was really nice, and to top it off, she even made us coffee using Nespresso which is like insanely expensive. With the invoice, we made the payment first and have it collected another day. That, and we scouted Ikea and noted the items of our choice so we could make haste with our purchases the day we got the van. That being said, I did check whether Ikea provide storage services, apprently they don't, unless with a charge. Meh. 

So, if I'm not mistaken, it was last Wednesday. When all hell broke loose. The plan was to hire a van on Thursday, however I was waken up by a phone call by JiaYean that Ikea has 30% sales on god knows how many items, and we're guessing our items would have a chance of getting discounted. (Just FYI, none of our stuff had discount). So I had to quickly get up the bed and get ready to rent the van because they were already on the way back from campus. I had to call HM and the van rental place to check for their availability. Well, that would be my first time driving a van. Although it was auto, 10% of myself actually wanted to drive manual just for the thrill. Heck, driving is serious business so I stuck to auto. HM was cake, we arrived at the HM warehouse and grabbed the washing machine. Then head over to Ikea (which HM is in the same mall as well). 

This is the very interesting part. I had four items to grab in terms of furniture. A chair, a bed frame, a mattress and lastly the bed support plank. Chair and support plank was in abundance. The bed frame and mattress ran out completely. I swore I cried inside myself. The next jump from the bed frame was around $39 to around $139, so was the bed, which is a hike of around $60. "Who gives a shit about bed frame aesthetics, the bed is meant for sleeping, I'm just a student! I'm suppose to save!". I requested the staffs to help check for any existing stock and explained my predicament that I have the van only for today. One tried, the other couldn't be bothered. Bitch. So unsure about whether the other staff would actually check, I decided to stay there for a moment. Until my senses told me to give it up and look for alternatives. I was really reluctant, but I had to. I mean, what choices do I have? So then I started looking for another mattress, and the moment I picked one and about to leave the shelves, something caught my eyes.  Two mattresses magically appeared on the shelf. I approached it doubtfully, and checked the code. 

JOY. IN IT'S PUREST FORM. Oh man! I caught a glimpse of a staff pushing a huge trolley away and I presumed they placed it back due to customer's change of mind. "Thank you God!" was all that in my mind. However, the storm's not over yet. I still have my bed frame to be worried about. So I did the same thing, however more willingly since I've got the good deal of getting a decent and cheap mattress. God bless that man that heard my cry and dire request. He came back with loads of the bed frames, which he actually did go to unpack extra for me and another China dude who requested the same thing. I thanked him, but he seemed to be very preoccupied with loading the frames onto the shelves. I really wanted to extend my gratitude, really, but I'd look like an idiot. So I could only walk past him after the simple "Thank you so much" and pray silently for him.

Well, that's that for the day, we dropped what we could at our new house and called it a day. Next day was pretty frantic and hectic as well, as we were rushed by the due time of 12pm and at the same time having the need to do grocery and grab winter quilts and bedsheets at a mall. We exploited the van to its fullest it seems, buying all heavy items for grocery such as rice etc. The unloading was hurried as well. However we still manage to get everything done, just taxed our body's stamina that's all. It was worthwhile really, at least we get to save a lot of money, 

Moved in yesterday, including today we've done cleaning for the total of 2 days. That includes a lot of vacuuming and cleaning. The previous tenants were nice to arrange and pay for carpet steam cleaning with their own expenses. That is my room thus far, and I'm missing a study table as you can see. Getting one from a friend this Thursday. House's pretty cozy and huge, rental's relatively cheap as well. I think everything is still tentative until this Thursday where I had to drive a van again, this time down the city, to fetch sofas and tables and beds for the rest of us. A lot of adjustments and arrangements had to be made, but that's expected. Everything went pretty smooth actually. Again, I have God to thank for. 

Guess that's that for today, next time would be an upload to be facebook with a video of a tour of the house and perhaps more pictures! Hopefully this weekend, and hopefully I could get a trip down a beach going this weekend as well. Oh and the Yarra Valley vineyards, ah.

Checked in

It's officially Tuesday now and the idea of packing my life up and getting my ass up in the air for 8 hours just bores me out. Yeah I do miss my awesome new home and my awesome new room alright, but it's not like I'll go crying about missing my home. I think I've just gotten too numb with this, need to keep shifting my life and getting myself out of my comfort zone all the time.

......and crap, to digress completely from the said topic, I actually having a difficulty in figuring what song is relevant to today's entry and mood.

So back to the packing, I mean it's human's nature to be bored by the constant shift in environment. 

......digress. Actually I'm sorta done with the packing topic.

I get to visit my condominium's most expensive Penthouse unit. Boy. That was insane. The purity of the insanity that you get upon setting your eyes and foot into the Penthouse is overwhelming. The Penthouse was mindfucking. At 38th floor, with 7330 sq ft, that is 3.5x of my current unit. 4 bedrooms with maid room. Enlarge the second picture, and see how far it actually extends with me standing at the other corner of the house. It's...plain crazy.

......weird. I feel like digressing again.

On a side-note, I actually getting increasingly cranky these days. That include filing a complaint to a security at my condominium and raising my voice at a cashier girl at Guardians today. 

Story - 1

It's a fine afternoon when my friend drove to my house to meet up with me at my place. You know how condominiums have designated visitor and resident parking. So I drove down from 1st floor parking and when I reached the visitor's parking, I figured I've forgotten to bring my water bottle so what's the harm in just, parking at the visitors and take 5 minute at the tops to grab my bottle? So I did and this old grumpy (they're suppose to be young, vibrant, good looking and polite securities until they've decided to change the whole lot of them because their contract ended and they needed to head back Nepal ) security came and spoke to me in Malay that I couldn't park here.

Look sir, you don't speak Malay with me in this first-class condominium. Half of the residents are Korean and Caucasians. You've just severely degraded us. Well of course I explained my predicament here that I just need 5 minutes at the tops to grab something real quick. He then go on and blah-blah-blah which I wasn't paying attention at all because of all the gibberish that I couldn't be bothered with BECAUSE I'M THE FUCKING RESIDENT. So I smiled and replied "I'm a resident". He actually had the guts to tell me no again. That tone and expression, oh you're really looking for a fight. I spent the next 1 minute arguing with him and he still insisted no.

Cocky securities. I hated these sorta low-life who dared raising their hands at me. I'm not asking a lot, I'm asking you to do your job without overextending yourself. 

So I lost the argument. Correction, I couldn't stand all this blathering. I went back into my car with utmost defeat and annoyance. When I'm about to drive out, I actually wind down the window and asked for his name. There and then he displayed signs of fear and smile and replied his name AND THEN WENT ON WITH HIS BLAH-BLAH-BLAH. I actually said it was enough and he obviously didn't stop. Old people and their grumbling. I actually just rewind my window back up and drove away.

When I got back I approached the Head of Security and reported everything to him. THANK GOD he's an understanding fella and he's been here in the condominium as long as I had. It really felty like chatting with a neighbour when I brought up the issue to him. I have to emphasize again on how I would usually speak in a gentle tone with anybody UNLESS they've decided to trample on my kindness. You'll get hell. He got hell. For the next few days he did salute me with more respect. 

You brought it upon yourself. 

(To which I'd like to explain the situation further. It's really for security purposes that I should ought not to park at visitors because they do crosscheck all the vehicles for safety purposes from time to time. Hence his unwillingness to let me park there in-spite of numerous other available spaces. The Head of Security did suggest that I park at the handicapped if I ever bump into the same circumstance. The thing is, HE could've told me all that like the head of security did, rather than that he told me "no" for every request I made, with that bloody cocky expressions of yours as toppings. Good job there. )

Story - 2

I was shopping at the pharmacy Guardians today with my mom. Upon getting all our stuffs in the basket we approached the counter and place the items on the counter. I was unwrapping a green-bag whilst this Malay cashier girl was scanning the items. She was chatting with the other cashier girl.

The. Whole. Fucking. Time. Without even acknowledging our presence.

Fine by me. Then I said "oh, sini ada bag" and I actually opened the bag for her to place the items inside. 

Boy, the conversation sure was more important. 

She was going to get a plastic bag and put those items in, and you know how I hate to be un-environmentally-friendly. There and then both my mom and I increased the decibels of our voice and mention it again that we do indeed, have a bag of our own, and we would like to save the plastic bags. 

Really? You were that indulged in that conversation?

I actually said very sternly, and raised my volume to a moderate extent at the cashier girl "SINI ADA BAG". She finally stop her conversations but had the GUTS to tell me "janganla marah". This is when I need to show these disrespectful insects who's the boss here. I actually already have my arm rest on the cashier and I told her very, very, very sternly that "Bukan. Sini ada customer and you asyik cakap kat situ". Bitch finally knew her place. Both the cashier girls finally got to work instead of talking. She did right by shutting up and finishing the deal with utter silence, else wise I would really give her hell. I walked out first, then my mom. My mom did mention to me afterwards that the cashier girl later apologized to her and mentioned how sorry she was. My mom too, agrees that these snobbish critters need to be taught a lesson if not for their constant impolite act to customers. 

That and a whole long list of me experiencing idiotic bastards who take my smile and my politeness for granted. Funny how packing my luggage could lead to this.