Don't blame me for my hot temper or my cold-bloodlessness,
blame the world and yourself.
No unstable core of an entity can be stable as a whole,
even if it does it doesn't last.
Even if it last it's just a facade,
a self-consuming facade.
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
A Walk Down Memory Lane
Sometimes when you let your mind wonder,
you really do wonder,
what if things were a little different,
and how things would pan out.
It's either the wavy ups and downs,
or the monotonous river stream.
Dilemma.
You really do wonder.
you really do wonder,
what if things were a little different,
and how things would pan out.
It's either the wavy ups and downs,
or the monotonous river stream.
Dilemma.
You really do wonder.
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Demons in me
Happen to walk in the rain for couple of minutes to my plant through the muddy roads and the murky puddles of water.
I don't know, it's the gloomy grey skies and the drizzles that form the uniform droplets rebound on the water's surface. That instance in time where you're looking down and watching your steps, and rain's all falling around you with the clicks on your helmet; hands in your pockets and you wrap that jacket tightly around yourself. The utter silence where all works were put to a halt.
There it is - a strange surge of serenity. It felt like as though everything was over, but you can't be too sure as to what exactly is over. But you feel it right there and then, and you can hear your own voice in your head, loud and clear, with a calm tone, echoing throughout the domains of your imagination and to the furthest extent and corners where your thoughts could occupy.
"It's finally over"
...is all I felt at that moment. Maybe it's also the feeling of being in the present.
There is another moment in the day as well, where your colleagues and boss were discussing about work related issues. Somehow at that moment you've just decided to somewhat tip-toe and tread playfully on the edges of the elevated pedestrian walkway. Speeches blurred, watching your footsteps, extending your arms trying to balance yourself out. At that moment too I felt like I'm in the present, nothing else really matters, not even the documents I was holding onto.
Then you take a leap off, look right back up and back at them, and join back at their conversation. Oh boy, did I really swung my documents too hard trying to balance myself, pen's flew off too when it's supposed to be pinned together with the papers.
It's times like these that I really feel closest to myself, and god knows - maybe it's coincidence too that the moment where I've felt furthest away from evil is the same instance where I've dropped my pen behind. I did pick it up, and still lost it eventually at the end of the day.
...shit. Something just became clear to me. Maybe God had a part to play in this, or maybe not - but it's really the demon in me that I'm looking at, and it's a gentle reminder by Him, wanting me to see it.
Everything happened today suddenly seemed more than just coincidence.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Versus
Let me tell you this, that moment where you claimed that I'm a typical young man who is always afraid to make mistakes, and always wanted perfection - you're wrong.
It killed me a little inside.
There is a difference between holding an empty box and a handful of sand with your own bare hands.
You people commonly mistaken us, those with a handful of mountainous of sand in our palm as those who are born with a silver spoon. It took us pain to thrust our hands into the scorching hot sands and lift it all up. We may be deemed to be really lucky to have everything in our lives but we're short of one thing - time. Sands erode and it's a depreciating asset.
On the other hand, those who are holding a box would always stare into that box of theirs and declare that they're worse than us in terms of fate and luxury. I mean what c'mon, it's a promising future for you - so much room for improvement and space to expand. It won't slip away, it could be perfectly tucked into that cardbox of yours. Why the complaint? Because you and your tunnel visioned pair of eyes could only perceive that empty space and not, literally, think outside of the box.
We're not perfectionists, we're just downright afraid. So darn terrified of letting loose of what we've worked so hard to get. We're too careful, we're cursed in that manner.
We're constantly in a try-hard mode.
We're constantly being mistaken. You just don't get it or probably won't. I'll just have to wait until the one day where a staple diet of yours is taken off you, then only it'll hit you - that you're travelling on a promising one-way lane that leads to the cliff; rather than the crossroads, which of course you'll start the endless rant on how you're always feeling directionless since you were in high schools. Or how you did not know why you pick that certain degree from your university.
Do you get it? We run on an hourglass. We can see the end so clear that we're so terrified that we're desperate to treasure everything we have and stay in the present. So much so we would just want to be stagnant and freeze this paradigm shift of time. To top it off, it pisses us off when you don't even try at things and gets sloppy with your life.
I'm not a perfectionist, I just tried so hard that I lose myself sometimes. The mental state of those two does not go in sync.
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Another Time
The ripples on a quiet lake.
A dash of a falling comet in the serene skies.
Singular vehicle dashing through the streets lit by the dim lights.
And a whale calf, washed ashore under the monotonous shade of moonlight.
Catching its last breath, mourning and yearning for the days where it could still soar with other giants, in that calm blue sea.
"It's never about living a long life, the key is to be able to live your life."
The constant gives-and-takes in its life came flashing back to it like a vintage film flashed into a movie.
All the turning points and crossroads, branching outwards like a tree's root.
Then the question came, "Am I going to die a lonely death?"
A feeling surged. A bizarrely yet comforting sense of calm envelopes the soul.
"The world would just forget about me." it thought.
A dash of a falling comet in the serene skies.
Singular vehicle dashing through the streets lit by the dim lights.
And a whale calf, washed ashore under the monotonous shade of moonlight.
Catching its last breath, mourning and yearning for the days where it could still soar with other giants, in that calm blue sea.
"It's never about living a long life, the key is to be able to live your life."
The constant gives-and-takes in its life came flashing back to it like a vintage film flashed into a movie.
All the turning points and crossroads, branching outwards like a tree's root.
One decision leads to another, and the inability and futility of a single soul's will leading to nothing but a life like an one-way ticket.
Ultimately time will run up and there you wonder about all the trades you've made in your life.Then the question came, "Am I going to die a lonely death?"
A feeling surged. A bizarrely yet comforting sense of calm envelopes the soul.
"The world would just forget about me." it thought.
Curling up like a human baby, it then tucked itself in for the final moment.
"...but I have myself...I have it all along."
Exhaling its last breath, it fades into an eternal slumber with what we could only deduce it to be a smile.
Another heart that will not beat another time, whilst billion others still go on.
They may or may not beat together, and yes it's a minute impact of one to a billion,
a singular being may never amount to that of billions.
But to that one conscience...
To that one conscience.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Perfect Imperfections
So a girl friend of mine said that,
sometimes you can find someone who has everything a right partner could offer. Personality, wealth, looks, and a heart for you. But sometimes you just feel like something's missing.
Then you'd think back on that ONE person whom you've loved so dearly but moved apart from, which despite all the flaws he possessed, still is your one hundred percent of a lover.
Guess that's what makes all of us human.
sometimes you can find someone who has everything a right partner could offer. Personality, wealth, looks, and a heart for you. But sometimes you just feel like something's missing.
Then you'd think back on that ONE person whom you've loved so dearly but moved apart from, which despite all the flaws he possessed, still is your one hundred percent of a lover.
Guess that's what makes all of us human.
Friday, June 21, 2013
Search
Palm rise to the universe
As we, moonshine and molly
Find light in the beautiful sea
I choose to be happy
Thursday, June 13, 2013
IdontcareIloveit
Someday, I just wish I can go to a packed club with everyone willing to dance with each other, and the best of all - I get to pick my playlist (of course with the DJ mixing it afterwards). That being said, some homework is required but that's alright.
Just saying.
Oh, and someone to drive me home.
Just saying.
Oh, and someone to drive me home.
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Counting Days
So job hunting's like baking a cake, no mistake in the beating or baking in the oven, but sometimes they just come out as a failure in the oven. What can you do? Start all over again.
I actually wanted to buy the PC game Tomb Raider, it's not all that expensive but I figured I shall add it to my list of to-do's when I get a job.
It's a form of punishment for being picky on jobs. Can't have everything in life, so whilst I strive for a job of my liking, everything else has to compensate for it. Anyhow it helps in my spending, I cut down a lot nowadays.
Biscuits & milo for lunch? Go figure.
Until I get a job. Until then folks.
I actually wanted to buy the PC game Tomb Raider, it's not all that expensive but I figured I shall add it to my list of to-do's when I get a job.
It's a form of punishment for being picky on jobs. Can't have everything in life, so whilst I strive for a job of my liking, everything else has to compensate for it. Anyhow it helps in my spending, I cut down a lot nowadays.
Biscuits & milo for lunch? Go figure.
Until I get a job. Until then folks.
Saturday, June 1, 2013
Exclusively Mine
Sometimes I really wonder would there be anyone in the world who truly understands me. More so, "want to". I've typed and erased two drafts tonight for an entry, and felt the futility of it to even put it out in words to record my feelings tonight.
So here I am.
./shrugs
Hmm. Sleep time.
So here I am.
./shrugs
Hmm. Sleep time.
Monday, May 27, 2013
Thoughts Blender
So I was using a blender just now to make myself a cup of orange goodness, and since I'm making for a single person's portion, it turned out to have a lot of foam in it but I drank it anyways.
Then I thought how cool would it be to have a centrifugal instrument next to it that could do the job, and isolates the gas out.
Then I thought of the possibility of integrating both said purpose into a single machinery.
Then I thought of what students of other faculties could've had in their minds when they were drinking a cup of orange stuffs. Maybe "Gasification of orange at nanoscale turns citric acid into carcinogenic components". I made that up. It's still engineering gosh darn it.
Then the thought came...
Maybe I should just chew my oranges the next time. Voilà.
Crap, the gas is acting up in my stomach now. CENTRIFUGE MYSELF PERHAPS! I actually laughed at myself for even considering it, like maybe I'd go downstairs with the children park's swings etc.
What an evening =)
Edit [shortly after the conclusion]: I finally updated and my blog have a new background! It was taken on the 24hours train ride from central Australia. I love that trip, and some of the pictures of the straight roads in the middle of a desert were something I've always wanted to do in my life. Yes, I literally meant life and it was a satisfying moment for me in my life, to top it off it was my graduation trip. That feels good. Living life with no regrets huh. I think I've been doing a great job thus far.
Then I thought how cool would it be to have a centrifugal instrument next to it that could do the job, and isolates the gas out.
Then I thought of the possibility of integrating both said purpose into a single machinery.
Then I thought of what students of other faculties could've had in their minds when they were drinking a cup of orange stuffs. Maybe "Gasification of orange at nanoscale turns citric acid into carcinogenic components". I made that up. It's still engineering gosh darn it.
Then the thought came...
Maybe I should just chew my oranges the next time. Voilà.
Crap, the gas is acting up in my stomach now. CENTRIFUGE MYSELF PERHAPS! I actually laughed at myself for even considering it, like maybe I'd go downstairs with the children park's swings etc.
What an evening =)
Edit [shortly after the conclusion]: I finally updated and my blog have a new background! It was taken on the 24hours train ride from central Australia. I love that trip, and some of the pictures of the straight roads in the middle of a desert were something I've always wanted to do in my life. Yes, I literally meant life and it was a satisfying moment for me in my life, to top it off it was my graduation trip. That feels good. Living life with no regrets huh. I think I've been doing a great job thus far.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Election
I must admit, I did my part and stayed up till late since 6pm to when BN wins the simple majority. I must admit, I got worked up by the results and allowed the outcome get to me.
I obviously cannot remember when's the last time I walked or travelled anywhere with a frowning face. Its against my principle to do so, more so when it's somewhat my resolution to treat everyone fair and square, and that includes a blur indonesian worker. So even to a foreigner working as a waiter in a restaurant, I'll still have to say "Thank you" or "Boleh- " if I were to request for something - hell, even in the worse mood I must at least manage a "hmm" kinda neutral smile.
I was largely unhappy due to all the negativity on Facebook after the election results was announced. I was somewhat influenced by it too. We actually won, people just didn't realize it. We've secured Selangor and defeated MCA for the least, and to be honest I can see a Malaysian Malaysia. No offence, but especially when Malaysians stood united to identify phantom voters. I gotta say it's somewhat cool. Of course what came after the results were comments from ministers and our PM which made our eyes go rolling. Sigh, they never change. They're all cowed.
Anyways its great too seeing people of all races identifying themselves as Malaysian, and they stressed a lot on Malaysian vs Corruption rather than races vs races. Oh, include foreigners (you name it) in the race stand-off too. Anyways I'm over those bullshits.
So back to the main topic, I somewhat lost my cool and were a tad unfriendly in the restaurants today during lunch. I must admit I did give the "so fuckin' useless" look to the uncle which sat there being all so free and easy, and I had to walk over and help myself with the menu right next to the uncle when we've already been long seated. That and shortly afterwards I saw another display of rudeness to the restaurant's staff, and I snapped out of the whirlpool of despair and hatred. My bad on that, but I did recover eventually. Tendency of mistreatment lingers on a person stronger than a durian on your fingers after a feast, but act of kindness are usually taken for granted; and it's something that really puts a person's patience and perseverance to a test. People tend to give up on being kind to one another way way faster than stopping the jog after the initial 500m. It's sad.
We're taking baby steps towards a better country but they're progress nonetheless. It's a tiny step to a big change. Anyhow, I had McD just now for dinner, did a thorough facial cleaning completed with 3-in-1 scrub-mask. Washed up, looked in front of the mirror, gave my best smile and my best attempt at uhh...charming myself. Trust me, we all DO IT DON'T YOU DARE LIE TO ME! Flexed my muscle a bit, admire the naturally form muscle on my chest and my abs which I spent QUITE a bit of effort. Thought about the impressive high muscle count and all the other way-too-good (the doc said so!) statistics about my body, and suddenly I'm a happy man all over again.
Guess that is all, interview coming on Wed. Yeah.
Note: I may look skinny but muscle count is not all about biceps and chest muscles. A considerable amount of muscles are actually in our organs, and that actually dictates true health. I'm obsessed over health, mom said the other day we should opt for a smaller rice pot because everyone in the family is afraid as hell to die and is consuming too little rice. I lol'd. So true.
I obviously cannot remember when's the last time I walked or travelled anywhere with a frowning face. Its against my principle to do so, more so when it's somewhat my resolution to treat everyone fair and square, and that includes a blur indonesian worker. So even to a foreigner working as a waiter in a restaurant, I'll still have to say "Thank you" or "Boleh- " if I were to request for something - hell, even in the worse mood I must at least manage a "hmm" kinda neutral smile.
I was largely unhappy due to all the negativity on Facebook after the election results was announced. I was somewhat influenced by it too. We actually won, people just didn't realize it. We've secured Selangor and defeated MCA for the least, and to be honest I can see a Malaysian Malaysia. No offence, but especially when Malaysians stood united to identify phantom voters. I gotta say it's somewhat cool. Of course what came after the results were comments from ministers and our PM which made our eyes go rolling. Sigh, they never change. They're all cowed.
Anyways its great too seeing people of all races identifying themselves as Malaysian, and they stressed a lot on Malaysian vs Corruption rather than races vs races. Oh, include foreigners (you name it) in the race stand-off too. Anyways I'm over those bullshits.
So back to the main topic, I somewhat lost my cool and were a tad unfriendly in the restaurants today during lunch. I must admit I did give the "so fuckin' useless" look to the uncle which sat there being all so free and easy, and I had to walk over and help myself with the menu right next to the uncle when we've already been long seated. That and shortly afterwards I saw another display of rudeness to the restaurant's staff, and I snapped out of the whirlpool of despair and hatred. My bad on that, but I did recover eventually. Tendency of mistreatment lingers on a person stronger than a durian on your fingers after a feast, but act of kindness are usually taken for granted; and it's something that really puts a person's patience and perseverance to a test. People tend to give up on being kind to one another way way faster than stopping the jog after the initial 500m. It's sad.
We're taking baby steps towards a better country but they're progress nonetheless. It's a tiny step to a big change. Anyhow, I had McD just now for dinner, did a thorough facial cleaning completed with 3-in-1 scrub-mask. Washed up, looked in front of the mirror, gave my best smile and my best attempt at uhh...charming myself. Trust me, we all DO IT DON'T YOU DARE LIE TO ME! Flexed my muscle a bit, admire the naturally form muscle on my chest and my abs which I spent QUITE a bit of effort. Thought about the impressive high muscle count and all the other way-too-good (the doc said so!) statistics about my body, and suddenly I'm a happy man all over again.
Guess that is all, interview coming on Wed. Yeah.
Note: I may look skinny but muscle count is not all about biceps and chest muscles. A considerable amount of muscles are actually in our organs, and that actually dictates true health. I'm obsessed over health, mom said the other day we should opt for a smaller rice pot because everyone in the family is afraid as hell to die and is consuming too little rice. I lol'd. So true.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Nothing, is when you have everything.
I shall begin this entry by declaring that the title of this post have no whatsoever relationship to said post's contents.
Anyhow, just today I've seen three different contacts of mine posting how they're feeling ill / ill for real on Facebook.
I mean...what?
Do you really feel better off seeing 10 comments telling you
- Take care
- Go see a doc
- Oh no...my baby please take care *insert gibberish emoticons which I never bother myself with because I'm actually THAT boring a guy*
- Stay strong sweetheart and rest more ok!
I'm not kidding, I'd roll my eyes. I'd have a good friend any time to joke to me "hmm sucks to be you, oh wells you know the usual - have more fried chickens, more carbonated drinks, stay up late at night and lay off the medication alright!"
It's like birthdays. Hence it's one of my principles to never wish people on facebook for birthdays, and if I wanted to do it, I'll make sure I spend at least 2 minutes+ trying to come up with something personalized at least. Man, what technology is doing to the society nowadays, where's the sincerity & feel in things anymore. Geez.
Oh if you'd think karma will get to me and no one in the world will ever show compassion to me, it's ok, save it. I never needed those and never had those anyways so I'm doing fine. Wish I could snap a pic of myself flipping a middle finger haha, funny idea but whatever.
On a sidenote that'd be cool. Whatever. I'm hungry. Shit.
Anyhow, just today I've seen three different contacts of mine posting how they're feeling ill / ill for real on Facebook.
I mean...what?
Do you really feel better off seeing 10 comments telling you
- Take care
- Go see a doc
- Oh no...my baby please take care *insert gibberish emoticons which I never bother myself with because I'm actually THAT boring a guy*
- Stay strong sweetheart and rest more ok!
I'm not kidding, I'd roll my eyes. I'd have a good friend any time to joke to me "hmm sucks to be you, oh wells you know the usual - have more fried chickens, more carbonated drinks, stay up late at night and lay off the medication alright!"
It's like birthdays. Hence it's one of my principles to never wish people on facebook for birthdays, and if I wanted to do it, I'll make sure I spend at least 2 minutes+ trying to come up with something personalized at least. Man, what technology is doing to the society nowadays, where's the sincerity & feel in things anymore. Geez.
Oh if you'd think karma will get to me and no one in the world will ever show compassion to me, it's ok, save it. I never needed those and never had those anyways so I'm doing fine. Wish I could snap a pic of myself flipping a middle finger haha, funny idea but whatever.
On a sidenote that'd be cool. Whatever. I'm hungry. Shit.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Moments
Could have, would have, should have told you louder. It felt just like a soft whisper of "Thank you" and I just shrugged it off. Felt a bit sorry for not making an entry regarding this matter, and time just passed by like a brush over my shoulder.
I'm definitely one step closer, and that's a huge milestone - because I have been stagnant for a really long time and I don't know where to find the light in this sewage cross way. It's not so much of a blind crawl now, even though I don't see it I think I can feel the warmth at the end. I understand you know, I'm not the worst and I have this conscience for a reason...
I'm definitely one step closer, and that's a huge milestone - because I have been stagnant for a really long time and I don't know where to find the light in this sewage cross way. It's not so much of a blind crawl now, even though I don't see it I think I can feel the warmth at the end. I understand you know, I'm not the worst and I have this conscience for a reason...
I could be tiny for big reasons.
Thank you, I'm almost ready to take on the world.
"I can see it. This one moment when you know you're not a sad story. You are alive." - Charlie, Perks of Being a Wallflower.
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Ashamed
I'm not even going to lie, I'm actually feeling ashamed and pressured for not having a job yet.
On top of that and the rest of my life's issues, I visited Mid Valley's career fair today and there are occasions which employers cast their condescending looks on me. That or how reality swings its bat real hard at me, reminding me of all the ugliness in society.
I can't even bring myself to meet people who has a chance of bombarding their questions of "how's your job search" on me, and then carry on with the most utterly useless advises of all.
But I did my best today, I gotta admit I was really down on the way back from MidValley but I think i withheld it alright when having lunch with my friends in the mall or when I got back home. Not a single complaint or whining, because it's my new year resolution and...
...to be honest no one really cares anyways. I've come to accept that a lot of late, like seriously, no one gives a shit. They pretend to, but at the end of the day it's not their life, they resume theirs (and not yours) the next day. I've already come to terms with that.
But that's ok, because I know someday I'll find the happiness I've promised myself to find, the last piece of my puzzle. Even if I don't I should be fine, somehow.
Hmmph, nice weather tonight.
On top of that and the rest of my life's issues, I visited Mid Valley's career fair today and there are occasions which employers cast their condescending looks on me. That or how reality swings its bat real hard at me, reminding me of all the ugliness in society.
I can't even bring myself to meet people who has a chance of bombarding their questions of "how's your job search" on me, and then carry on with the most utterly useless advises of all.
But I did my best today, I gotta admit I was really down on the way back from MidValley but I think i withheld it alright when having lunch with my friends in the mall or when I got back home. Not a single complaint or whining, because it's my new year resolution and...
...to be honest no one really cares anyways. I've come to accept that a lot of late, like seriously, no one gives a shit. They pretend to, but at the end of the day it's not their life, they resume theirs (and not yours) the next day. I've already come to terms with that.
But that's ok, because I know someday I'll find the happiness I've promised myself to find, the last piece of my puzzle. Even if I don't I should be fine, somehow.
Hmmph, nice weather tonight.
Monday, March 25, 2013
Strike!
Haven't had so much hate and anger for a while already.
Its the tempered anger, steady and all its surety which makes it scary.
It's as if I want to watch the world burn, all hopes turn to ashes and dreams incinerated to dry husks.
Its the tempered anger, steady and all its surety which makes it scary.
It's as if I want to watch the world burn, all hopes turn to ashes and dreams incinerated to dry husks.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
At its heart
You know what I feel like doing tonight? Just tonight, much less yesterday night and probably not so much tomorrow night.
I just want to drive to the summit of a hill overlooking the cities, smoke two cigarettes, I don't know why two but just two, leaning against my car breathing in the cooling night air, and have the music For The First Time by The Script on replay, and just have someone I trust and believe in to just stare at me, or just stand around for all I care.
I always need distractions, those that most would deem it as life priorities are actually distractions to me - necessary distractions...so I won't have to face myself in the mirror and wonder about all the possibilities out there, all the not-going-to-happens, all the surety.
That's just it tonight, nothing else. Made a promise I'll be happy for the rest of my life and nevermore should I dread living again, but...
I just want to drive to the summit of a hill overlooking the cities, smoke two cigarettes, I don't know why two but just two, leaning against my car breathing in the cooling night air, and have the music For The First Time by The Script on replay, and just have someone I trust and believe in to just stare at me, or just stand around for all I care.
I always need distractions, those that most would deem it as life priorities are actually distractions to me - necessary distractions...so I won't have to face myself in the mirror and wonder about all the possibilities out there, all the not-going-to-happens, all the surety.
That's just it tonight, nothing else. Made a promise I'll be happy for the rest of my life and nevermore should I dread living again, but...
...sometimes I just get so tired.
but alas I know, I'm not weak. I just know.
"it's ok"
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Unorthodox rhythm
At every high point of a story, comes another low one. It's like our heartbeat, the ups and downs, and it's only human for us to encounter such rhythmic pattern in our life.
Sometimes even the tiniest of all things would annoy and disgust you :-
Your ever growing tummy
Your ever growing hair
Your ever inability to adapt to hot weather
Your annoyance to dry lips
Your awakening every morning due to the east Sun right at your face
Your frustration to job seeking
Your disgust at human to litter while they complain at the environment hygiene degradation
My anger, the restless torch resides within me. It'll never be put out, but it's the everlasting fire - but know this, fire will only burn with external factors supporting it, such as oxygen; but some flames will just scorch as brightly even if isolated. It's the one anger, one wild fire beyond your comprehension.
Even I get tired sometimes holding it all in, I've let loose once and I crumbled. Sometimes I just feel so much in sync with Adele's line "my hands, they're strong; but my knees were far too weak". Some days, I just find myself in a position where I just dread everything around me and I just don't know why.
Actually, why? Because they have a furnace which is cozy on the inside but they just let it go loose and ignite the surface. This irresponsible act latched onto another person and the fire burns on. They never fall back to realize what's inside of them, and that they actually have the potential to feel happy but THEY JUST DON'T! All that they can think of is money and materialism, and boy does these people are good with sharing their so called wisdom. What happened to health and feeling good yourself? What happened to committing a kindness just because it makes me feel good? What happened to "save the trouble", and spare both yourself from an outburst of anger and the person of misery? What happened to smile, and makes everything better around you?
This sickness is beyond viral, and it's really disgusting. How people mistreating each other and classifying their status and class in the society is utter bullshit. Why, why and why? Do you not realize God is watching you doing all this? You think you can put up a good show in your temple or churches and you'd get a ticket to heaven? For example, yeah alright she's a maid but she's a human too and you're in no position to enslave them and make them do whatever redundant things you want them to do just because you feel like it.
I'm consider myself a very optimistic person, and when someone accuse it of being lucky because I was born with everything and I could live such a carefree life I CHALLENGE YOU RIGHT HERE - HOW MUCH HARDSHIPS HAVE YOU SEEN IN HUMANITY, TO LET YOU LET LOOSE SUCH VERBAL MONSTROSITY? To the people of lesser state than you, they could've said that to you; and vice-versa for me to say these to the people of the wealthier, but I chose to be optimistic and even admit that I am very blessed for that matter. Do you see the fault in your accusation?
Your ever growing tummy - Yes because I am well-fed whilst many others starve.
Your ever growing hair - Yes I don't even need to worry about hair-loss.
Your ever inability to adapt to hot weather - Yes I don't have to harvest woodlogs to survive the winters.
Your annoyance to dry lips - Yes because I have the luxury of air-conditioning.
Your awakening every morning due to the east Sun right at your face - Yes, I get to live.
Your frustration to job seeking - Yes, for having parents capable enough to even send me overseas.
Your disgust at human to litter while they complain at the environment hygiene degradation
Yes, thank you for allowing me to come to my senses and prohibit myself from committing the same act.
It's so easy to list 25 principles in life so to live a happy life and share around in Facebook, but how many few can achieve it? You don't have an inborn hate and anger, that's why it's disappointing for those who has, who are so helpless to see those of you with so much power to change it, but yet sit around like crybabies, yearning for the comfort from world. Don't complain about your body curvature, don't complain about your lack of friends, don't complain for the lack of money, don't complain about your dim-wittiness - it disgusts the hell out of the rest of the people who tried so hard but bear no harvest. Imagine being born with cancer, born with a death sentence, and a premature death, and yet they thrive while some of you wanted to commit suicide.
Just so you know, I used to be way more pessimistic and dread my life - until the day where I've met people, in the plurality, who have nothing, NOTHING, no friends family wealth guardian food shelter care even future, and yet they have shown me that, they have everything. Don't know how? Go get yourself in a charity work, like, REAL charity not going old folks home just because you wanted some credit out of it. There's a hurricane destruction, now go for that. Trust me, you'll never feel so much being a human there and then, helping others, and if you're a Christian, that is when its one of the times when you feel closest to God.
Phew, guess this blog is probably where I can get real and really vent things out.
Sometimes even the tiniest of all things would annoy and disgust you :-
Your ever growing tummy
Your ever growing hair
Your ever inability to adapt to hot weather
Your annoyance to dry lips
Your awakening every morning due to the east Sun right at your face
Your frustration to job seeking
Your disgust at human to litter while they complain at the environment hygiene degradation
My anger, the restless torch resides within me. It'll never be put out, but it's the everlasting fire - but know this, fire will only burn with external factors supporting it, such as oxygen; but some flames will just scorch as brightly even if isolated. It's the one anger, one wild fire beyond your comprehension.
Even I get tired sometimes holding it all in, I've let loose once and I crumbled. Sometimes I just feel so much in sync with Adele's line "my hands, they're strong; but my knees were far too weak". Some days, I just find myself in a position where I just dread everything around me and I just don't know why.
Actually, why? Because they have a furnace which is cozy on the inside but they just let it go loose and ignite the surface. This irresponsible act latched onto another person and the fire burns on. They never fall back to realize what's inside of them, and that they actually have the potential to feel happy but THEY JUST DON'T! All that they can think of is money and materialism, and boy does these people are good with sharing their so called wisdom. What happened to health and feeling good yourself? What happened to committing a kindness just because it makes me feel good? What happened to "save the trouble", and spare both yourself from an outburst of anger and the person of misery? What happened to smile, and makes everything better around you?
This sickness is beyond viral, and it's really disgusting. How people mistreating each other and classifying their status and class in the society is utter bullshit. Why, why and why? Do you not realize God is watching you doing all this? You think you can put up a good show in your temple or churches and you'd get a ticket to heaven? For example, yeah alright she's a maid but she's a human too and you're in no position to enslave them and make them do whatever redundant things you want them to do just because you feel like it.
I'm consider myself a very optimistic person, and when someone accuse it of being lucky because I was born with everything and I could live such a carefree life I CHALLENGE YOU RIGHT HERE - HOW MUCH HARDSHIPS HAVE YOU SEEN IN HUMANITY, TO LET YOU LET LOOSE SUCH VERBAL MONSTROSITY? To the people of lesser state than you, they could've said that to you; and vice-versa for me to say these to the people of the wealthier, but I chose to be optimistic and even admit that I am very blessed for that matter. Do you see the fault in your accusation?
Your ever growing tummy - Yes because I am well-fed whilst many others starve.
Your ever growing hair - Yes I don't even need to worry about hair-loss.
Your ever inability to adapt to hot weather - Yes I don't have to harvest woodlogs to survive the winters.
Your annoyance to dry lips - Yes because I have the luxury of air-conditioning.
Your awakening every morning due to the east Sun right at your face - Yes, I get to live.
Your frustration to job seeking - Yes, for having parents capable enough to even send me overseas.
Your disgust at human to litter while they complain at the environment hygiene degradation
Yes, thank you for allowing me to come to my senses and prohibit myself from committing the same act.
It's so easy to list 25 principles in life so to live a happy life and share around in Facebook, but how many few can achieve it? You don't have an inborn hate and anger, that's why it's disappointing for those who has, who are so helpless to see those of you with so much power to change it, but yet sit around like crybabies, yearning for the comfort from world. Don't complain about your body curvature, don't complain about your lack of friends, don't complain for the lack of money, don't complain about your dim-wittiness - it disgusts the hell out of the rest of the people who tried so hard but bear no harvest. Imagine being born with cancer, born with a death sentence, and a premature death, and yet they thrive while some of you wanted to commit suicide.
Just so you know, I used to be way more pessimistic and dread my life - until the day where I've met people, in the plurality, who have nothing, NOTHING, no friends family wealth guardian food shelter care even future, and yet they have shown me that, they have everything. Don't know how? Go get yourself in a charity work, like, REAL charity not going old folks home just because you wanted some credit out of it. There's a hurricane destruction, now go for that. Trust me, you'll never feel so much being a human there and then, helping others, and if you're a Christian, that is when its one of the times when you feel closest to God.
Phew, guess this blog is probably where I can get real and really vent things out.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Cloud Atlas
This movie...I've gotta say it's simply beautiful. Maybe it's the music, maybe it's the chemistry in all the scenes...I don't know. It's just simply touching and I am deeply moved.
It talks about how past, present and our future self is all linked. How every act of evil, or kindness affects ourselves or people in the future. This movie however requires one to be very open-minded, to perceive what the movie has got to tell, and offer you.
Makes me wonder sometimes, about the act and role we play in the continually traversing universe. How tiny we are, and to quote the movie, "no matter what you do it'll only amount to a single drop in a limitless ocean..."
"...what is an ocean but a multitude of drops?" And then again, we might not seem all that small after all sometimes...because we, probably mean the universe to ourselves. It's our life that periodically undergoes zooming in and out, and that's probably how our lives are. Sometimes we're just that tiny little being in the grand scheme of things, nothing ever matters because it JUST DOESN'T MATTER; or how our actions dictates our lives and how it evolves from there and it means the world to ourselves. Courage, kindness, forgiveness etc.
Ultimately we are all suckers who just yearn for happiness. It is in times when you deemed yourself to be a nobody, then suddenly it seemed like you owned the world; or put aside all the personal logic and the what-if's, and go after the things that truly mean the world to you.
Some may or may not have realized this, but in my life - I have this old photo. Sometimes this is all I need. It's always there, clanged by my rough hands - but it is all in that picture, my reminders, the happiness and that is all I need. It's the memories, the best of all the lot of them. They really do play like old movie tapes, the sights, the sounds, and all the feelings. Its like moments like now, that if I were myself in the future, I'd like to bring myself, if I ever get lost, you, me, back to this moment - where I'm a nobody, but I think I have the world already.
Friday, February 1, 2013
Fly
Just something to watch. A heartwarming story, is all we need sometimes. The journey is what matters, and not necessarily the ending.
That aside, some distractions every now and then is good. I could only look at my own life, and know that the desired story of my life will only be a fairy tale. It's always "so much is at stake" because we're never quite there yet to know the ending, but like the story above, it's always about the journey. I'd wish I know my next step, to take that leap of faith - to reach out for it.
Perhaps one day I'll reach that jump pod, so I could take that jump across the canyon; and perhaps too that day is never going to come, and I'll live my entire life lying to myself everyday. We're all suckers to the comforting embraces that people could offer, but ultimately - we're always in it ourselves. I just chose to tune into the harsh reality tone earlier than anyone else, because enough is enough...I could only manage to lie so much to myself.
Who knows...the day...
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Run
Changing moon phases, unchanging street lights...
Changing lives, unchanging hearts.
I know where me heart lies, I too know it's unreachable. Mayhaps come the day where I have it close to me and in my grasp, I may just breathe my last breath with no regrets.
Hell, I'm already genuinely happy. But for that little, simple wish of mine which is the size of a pebble in a huge seabed, I'll never stop trying to find it...
...until the time has ran out.
Changing lives, unchanging hearts.
I know where me heart lies, I too know it's unreachable. Mayhaps come the day where I have it close to me and in my grasp, I may just breathe my last breath with no regrets.
Hell, I'm already genuinely happy. But for that little, simple wish of mine which is the size of a pebble in a huge seabed, I'll never stop trying to find it...
...until the time has ran out.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Coin toss
So here am I, wrapped up with all my business with Australia. Sitting by the airport and waiting for the boarding gate to open, dreading every second that passed by.
You'd want scenes in drama to take place so you could just walk right back out the terminal and head back to that comfy nest you so dearly missed. Alas things would never go your way, the pendulum will not come to an end, because our silly dream of living a life of repeating déjà vu of our favourite moments will never come true.
It is in that instance where our minds have thoughts running like a peak hour traffic, dominating and numbing all your senses, where we come to realization of many things. This waiting that I have to do right now is pretty much like a tossed coin in midair. It's that crucial moment where the your actual desire stands out. You know it, and you're sure of it.
After all the farewells just now and these few days...something became clear suddenly...
...........I really have to go for it don't I? It's still that one thing that really matters isn't it after all these years? That sensation still clings to me as though it was just a second ago.
I don't know anymore.
You'd want scenes in drama to take place so you could just walk right back out the terminal and head back to that comfy nest you so dearly missed. Alas things would never go your way, the pendulum will not come to an end, because our silly dream of living a life of repeating déjà vu of our favourite moments will never come true.
It is in that instance where our minds have thoughts running like a peak hour traffic, dominating and numbing all your senses, where we come to realization of many things. This waiting that I have to do right now is pretty much like a tossed coin in midair. It's that crucial moment where the your actual desire stands out. You know it, and you're sure of it.
After all the farewells just now and these few days...something became clear suddenly...
...........I really have to go for it don't I? It's still that one thing that really matters isn't it after all these years? That sensation still clings to me as though it was just a second ago.
I don't know anymore.
Monday, January 7, 2013
Ignorance & Bliss
So, all that'd suppose to be done are done. Been quite a long way since first year of University and definitely been a while in Melbourne. Quite an experience I've gotta say. I think there's a good 1 and 1/2 months between my sister's wedding and this point of time.
Goldcoast was the first place that I went to visit right after I came back Australia. Sunny place indeed, but cool at the same time with lots of wind to make the visit a very comfortable one.
The next day we continued down to Alice Springs with a 8 hours bus ride. Hell, these bus rides are a pain to take. Reached Alice Springs and mistaken the car rental rates and a little bump there. Managed to solved it eventually, just told the car rental staff "give me 5 minutes", took a seat down and all the math took its place. Long drive down Erldunda, one of the pitstop for sleepover. That place literally have a petrol station, motel and a restaurant out in the openness. Google Map made the "town" a lot bigger than it seems. Kings canyon was a tough hike in terms of the water supply requirement. We could only complete 1/3 of the circuit as 3L of water is required for the entire circuit and our water bottles have limited capacity. Managed to see most of it anyways.
To be honest, I find the weather in Alice Springs a lot more bearable than I'd thought it would be. For example, our Kings Canyon hike was blessed with moderate cloud cover, making it very doable. Then I was yelling and going all WAHHHHH in the car because the cloudcover would block the sunset, and I wouldn't be able to capture the Ayers Rock, probably the most famous tourism spot in central, in the signature poster lighting. Well, I could only thank god when we reached there. There was just sufficient gap in the skies when I reach, and sufficient time for me to capture the shots before the sunset is blocked again. Snap snap snap, and headed back to our accomodation on new year's eve. We did not go for the countdown at the local pub...asians. Meh. Well partly was because we had to wake up at 4am the other morning to catch the sunrise view on the Ayers Rock.
It's really a majestic piece of rock if I'd have to say, simply stunning even viewing it from a great distance. Wrapped up our business at Kata Tjuta National Park the next day ( not after loads of pics ) and head back straight to Alice Springs and spend 2 nights there.
Suppose to check in a backpackers but he said he'd already upgraded us into a motel. First thought in my mind was, "you took the liberty to upgrade our accommodation cost without our permissions?". Oh wells, turns out the place is at the same price, WITH MOAR facilities. Air conditioned room, with en-suite shower room and also a pool. BONUS! What's even better is, when we're checking in, the motel manager told us to head to the back of a mountain range, there's a motel there to purchase food for rock wallabies and we'll get to interact with them. Well, that sounds all too good to be true, but turns out, they WERE the reality.
Last day we had some tour along the West MacDonnell Ranges and call it a day before boarding the train the next day, which would take 22 hours plus.
So here am I, finished with my trips and getting all prep'd to fly back to KL tomorrow. 2 years just flew past like that, so was so many sights and sounds. These kind of situations always packed with a mixture of feelings. Australia has been a life-changing experience to me, so was my previous oversea education journey. It'd be a let-down if it hadn't change me at all, these opportunities are meant to be there to change me...hopefully for the better.
Ideals change overtime, as well as reasoning and our thought processes. Maybe time too will soften my character, but as I notice I'm growing, I'm becoming harsh, ruthless and unkind. My growing up has always been a different one, and life has been unkind to me in many many ways, at the same time it has been very much a blessing. It'd always depend on how we view them, and how we perceive these encounters - as a lesson or as a punishment. I'll never stop growing and get sharpened, but this sort of growing up is commonly perceived as twisted. Realities are deemed harsh by many people and difficult to be accepted, but my thoughts are moulded throughout the years to perceive it as a "necessity".
I'd hate to say this but the sight of people refusing to accept the reality is really unbearable to me. If you'd want me to name the common flaws in nowadays young adults, that'd be it. The pretentious show they put up in front of people is sometimes very tiring to witness, when they have so much to say. Honesty is really something hard to find in nowadays people, as well as courage.
There's just a long list of acts committed by people which will stream endlessly. There are so many things that happened that I really just have no idea how to deal with them anymore, I probably have no idea what am I saying right now because all the images of all the happening throughout the whole of 2011 and 2012, just came flashing right back at me all at once. This coming 2 months break with ample of alone time is probably a good time for me to process all that thoughts.
So much harsh decisions have been made and I will not be condescended by anyone with regards of the severity of it all. Then again when I see the frailty in humanity I just couldn't help but to think just how weak these people are, crumbling at the tiniest road bumps of all.
"Be strong, don't be weak"
That's the strongest voice I heard all the time, just like in the movie by Will Smith, "Seven Pounds". We have so much capacity to withhold the challenges, but people just want to sit around crying hoping someone could solve the problem for them.
If you are reading this, remember this - the denials you've made is an insult to the healthy and the living ones. You probably have not seen the cruel world, such as tsunami wiping out all that they have including family. With no where proper to live and no one to talk, nor a place of belonging for the physical body and the soul. Yet when you cross eyes with them, beings that are so young and fragile, their burning desire to continually strive and survive and live on touches your soul. I could have had a much more commanding presence in comparisons to them in terms of wealth and power, but I'd say this - their strength, and their capacity belittles me.
...and then a display of strong will is often seen as cruel to most people. Something I'll never quite get it.
Nuff' said I guess. This would really go endless if I'd don't stop somewhere. Hence I've made a new resolution for 2013, which I shall strived to achieve it in times past, such as having a fruit everyday to getting a workout once a week.
Goldcoast was the first place that I went to visit right after I came back Australia. Sunny place indeed, but cool at the same time with lots of wind to make the visit a very comfortable one.
Surfing lessons were fun but not without some pain and effort. Pretty hard to get the hang of gliding with the waves and get both your feet on the board. The tough part, and also the most exhausting part for us had got to be getting out feet on the board, it's literally doing push-up but with more velocity because it had to be quick. That was the first day, and the rest of the days we had tickets to all the three parks, Movie World, Sea World and Wet n' Wild. Movie world had got to be the best with the Superman ride.
The ride had some sort of lore and storyline moments after the vehicle moved off the boarding gate. Blah blah blah with car wrecks, and then the signature lines "Don't worry, I'll get us out of here fast. SUPERMAN fast!" then with the vehicle parked at a distance away from the huge inverted U-shape coaster platform you see above, it goes BOOM and accelerated at a speed I have never experienced before. It was so godly fast!
Wet n' Wild had rides like packing you in a capsule a good couple of storeys high. Then after loading you into this tiny capsule, it had a countdown and a shaft opens right beneath you and you drop a good 2 storeys and go woo-waa in the tubes. Amazing rides, glad I took them all! Lots of pictures taken too!
Then came my parents and the tour around Melbourne for them. Brought them to every possible corners ( ok at least the majority ) of Melbourne, from Queen Victoria Market, to Royal Botanic Garden, to Phillip Island, Beer Garden, Lygon Street for Ying Thai and Freddo's Ice cream, DFO, and even booked them Great Ocean Road trip because I was too tired to drive all the way there.
Graduation was up next. ZE MOMENT that most of us have been waiting for 4 years. Got to say I'm pretty nervous prior to the handling of the scroll up on the stage, while I was queueing below of course. Got it after all, and tons of group photos for all of us that are graduating. Boy, that was some huge group of Asians from Sunway Campus. That spell the end of my academic career, and it's highly unlikely that I'll commit myself to further studying in the future.
Right after the day of graduation, I headed off to Tasmania. Here I'll have loads of complaints to lodge. The weather wasn't pleasant at all at Tasmania, with constant showers throughout the day and misty weathers. A lot of the places are either closed for good, or not operating at all. Driving a caravan is quite a pain as well due to the loud engine noise and the dishes clashing at the back of the caravan. To top it off, to travel at 110km/h on a caravan is as far as I could go, and that's only possible on an expressway. It's all big and huge don't get me wrong, and very comfortable as well but it comes with a great cost, both literal meanings and metaphorically. The use of the shower weren't as great as we'd thought it would be, and the wastes container is quite a pain to empty. It's an experience don't get me wrong, but I'd think I'll settle with trying just this once.
The island was nice and quiet though, which is a rather nice place for vacation. Great place with great people, just horrible weathers and shits which messed up half my itinerary up.
Especially cradle mountain with the heavy fog, and that exceptionally cold weather and drizzle throughout the day. However I had a enlightening time at the Tasmanian Devil Interpretation Centre learning about Tasmanian devils and get to touch one. Blah blah blah, didnt have much memory of that place because it disappoints me so much. My last day at Hobart also had issues with car rental, however still manage to get one and get to travel up Mount Wellington. Says it was 9 degrees on their website, I was all NAH no way in hell that would happen. Oh. OH. ./brain freeze
Oh last pic's the view of the town Hobart from atop Mount Wellington. Nuff' said about Tasmania, what a letdown. Not to mention we missed the Cadbury Factory too, probably my bad on that. Didn't know they close on weekends. Then came Christmas and boxing day! Had an open house for Christmas, with gift exchange!
The other day was pretty insane though, woke up to catch a 6 am bus and travel to DFO Essendon for all the boxing day goodness and discounts. Grabbed a Ray-Ban shades there, and received sponsors from friends who were there with me, as well as $10 from an ang pao during Christmas gift exchange...BONUS! at the same time...hmm. Went off for brunch, followed by DFO South Wharf where I was there to grab my dream pair of shoes. Had my eyes fixated on that pair for a good half a year plus, with every visit ended with me feeling a void in my heart because they were expensive and it's out of my budget. Found the same pair at Essendon but they ran out of size, but thankfully the one at South Wharf it. I knew it all too well where the shoes are, walked into the shop straight and directly to the corner which I last seen it. Truthfully it was still there and I asked for my size. Started off with a disappointment and then things took a turn for the better when the staff went "OH!", for completely missing it out at first because it was hidden at the bottom. Closed my spending right after that, was a very rewarding day. Shopping is definitely best done with ample planning! Yes, I've been planning to have a pair of shades for months too.
Next up - Central Australia. Boy, that's one hell of an adventure. Started off by flying to Adelaide, oh and we had to stay over in the city because the next day flight is at 7am...well it was a cheap one so what can I do. Adelaide, man, what a boring city. We had 8am till 6pm to burn in the city, and to be honest there really isnt much to do in the city. The idea of going to the zoo to watch WANG-WANG the panda kept coming up. Board the bus at 6.30pm and travelled 11 hours straight to Coober Pedy. Yeah you heard me right, 11 hours straight bus ride. Checked in Coober Pedy underground hostel, and spend a day there until 5am the next day. The town of Coober Pedy is famous for the Opal mines, so we did visit a mine and walked around a little. Underground backpackers was cold though, we opted to rent some blankets eventually.
The next day we continued down to Alice Springs with a 8 hours bus ride. Hell, these bus rides are a pain to take. Reached Alice Springs and mistaken the car rental rates and a little bump there. Managed to solved it eventually, just told the car rental staff "give me 5 minutes", took a seat down and all the math took its place. Long drive down Erldunda, one of the pitstop for sleepover. That place literally have a petrol station, motel and a restaurant out in the openness. Google Map made the "town" a lot bigger than it seems. Kings canyon was a tough hike in terms of the water supply requirement. We could only complete 1/3 of the circuit as 3L of water is required for the entire circuit and our water bottles have limited capacity. Managed to see most of it anyways. 
To be honest, I find the weather in Alice Springs a lot more bearable than I'd thought it would be. For example, our Kings Canyon hike was blessed with moderate cloud cover, making it very doable. Then I was yelling and going all WAHHHHH in the car because the cloudcover would block the sunset, and I wouldn't be able to capture the Ayers Rock, probably the most famous tourism spot in central, in the signature poster lighting. Well, I could only thank god when we reached there. There was just sufficient gap in the skies when I reach, and sufficient time for me to capture the shots before the sunset is blocked again. Snap snap snap, and headed back to our accomodation on new year's eve. We did not go for the countdown at the local pub...asians. Meh. Well partly was because we had to wake up at 4am the other morning to catch the sunrise view on the Ayers Rock.
It's really a majestic piece of rock if I'd have to say, simply stunning even viewing it from a great distance. Wrapped up our business at Kata Tjuta National Park the next day ( not after loads of pics ) and head back straight to Alice Springs and spend 2 nights there.
Suppose to check in a backpackers but he said he'd already upgraded us into a motel. First thought in my mind was, "you took the liberty to upgrade our accommodation cost without our permissions?". Oh wells, turns out the place is at the same price, WITH MOAR facilities. Air conditioned room, with en-suite shower room and also a pool. BONUS! What's even better is, when we're checking in, the motel manager told us to head to the back of a mountain range, there's a motel there to purchase food for rock wallabies and we'll get to interact with them. Well, that sounds all too good to be true, but turns out, they WERE the reality.
Last day we had some tour along the West MacDonnell Ranges and call it a day before boarding the train the next day, which would take 22 hours plus.
So here am I, finished with my trips and getting all prep'd to fly back to KL tomorrow. 2 years just flew past like that, so was so many sights and sounds. These kind of situations always packed with a mixture of feelings. Australia has been a life-changing experience to me, so was my previous oversea education journey. It'd be a let-down if it hadn't change me at all, these opportunities are meant to be there to change me...hopefully for the better.
Ideals change overtime, as well as reasoning and our thought processes. Maybe time too will soften my character, but as I notice I'm growing, I'm becoming harsh, ruthless and unkind. My growing up has always been a different one, and life has been unkind to me in many many ways, at the same time it has been very much a blessing. It'd always depend on how we view them, and how we perceive these encounters - as a lesson or as a punishment. I'll never stop growing and get sharpened, but this sort of growing up is commonly perceived as twisted. Realities are deemed harsh by many people and difficult to be accepted, but my thoughts are moulded throughout the years to perceive it as a "necessity".
I'd hate to say this but the sight of people refusing to accept the reality is really unbearable to me. If you'd want me to name the common flaws in nowadays young adults, that'd be it. The pretentious show they put up in front of people is sometimes very tiring to witness, when they have so much to say. Honesty is really something hard to find in nowadays people, as well as courage.
There's just a long list of acts committed by people which will stream endlessly. There are so many things that happened that I really just have no idea how to deal with them anymore, I probably have no idea what am I saying right now because all the images of all the happening throughout the whole of 2011 and 2012, just came flashing right back at me all at once. This coming 2 months break with ample of alone time is probably a good time for me to process all that thoughts.
So much harsh decisions have been made and I will not be condescended by anyone with regards of the severity of it all. Then again when I see the frailty in humanity I just couldn't help but to think just how weak these people are, crumbling at the tiniest road bumps of all.
"Be strong, don't be weak"
That's the strongest voice I heard all the time, just like in the movie by Will Smith, "Seven Pounds". We have so much capacity to withhold the challenges, but people just want to sit around crying hoping someone could solve the problem for them.
If you are reading this, remember this - the denials you've made is an insult to the healthy and the living ones. You probably have not seen the cruel world, such as tsunami wiping out all that they have including family. With no where proper to live and no one to talk, nor a place of belonging for the physical body and the soul. Yet when you cross eyes with them, beings that are so young and fragile, their burning desire to continually strive and survive and live on touches your soul. I could have had a much more commanding presence in comparisons to them in terms of wealth and power, but I'd say this - their strength, and their capacity belittles me.
...and then a display of strong will is often seen as cruel to most people. Something I'll never quite get it.
Nuff' said I guess. This would really go endless if I'd don't stop somewhere. Hence I've made a new resolution for 2013, which I shall strived to achieve it in times past, such as having a fruit everyday to getting a workout once a week.
Hush, not my business.
...and along with that comes with less commenting.
You might or might not have noticed it,
I do acknowledge your actions and sacrifices,
but there's only so much I could be,
and I'm just too used to the harsh decisions,
that I've forgotten how it was to be foolish any more,
...thanks for coming. Bye.
I do acknowledge your actions and sacrifices,
but there's only so much I could be,
and I'm just too used to the harsh decisions,
that I've forgotten how it was to be foolish any more,
...thanks for coming. Bye.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)