The bottom of things

Watched Interstellar again.

And it struck me even harder this time. 

That knowledge belittles us, and how sickening the society is to me.

People stopped seeking the full truth, they've based their facts off some scraps shared on whatsapp, no basis, no reference, no facts.

People abused the knowledge, isnt it suppose to make us more humble?

They're always so caught up with materialism. Money, and money.

What happened to the hunger of wanting to know more, the excitement of not knowing something, and the satisfaction when you've uncovered something new?

It's a rare scene for people to actually mouth the words "I don't know, but can you teach me?".

It either silence altogether, and if it ever did advance past "I don't know", it stops at denial, excuses, and a abandonment of responsibility. 

I'm an engineer myself, and I didn't play with Lego or Lasy at a younger age for no reason, and I surely did not made up my mind when I was 16 or 17 to be an engineer on a whim. 

Pity on those who laughed at me for actually admitting I'd like the hard engineering work. You have no passion, and that's why you lack a core self-sustaining soul nourishing tonic, which leads to your hunger to possess things. THINGs that you've so blatantly used and monstrously lie to yourself that it actually matters. Bring it to your sleep each night, bring it to your deathbed, and see how it would pan out at the last moment before you flick the switch to your life. 

There's so much more it is to the matter around us, and yet we dwell in the politics and religions, and behind that veil, lies money, the master puppeteer.

I'm not ignorant, I'm just selective in the knowledge I'd like to gain.

I'm not an ingrate to the silver spoon I'm born with, I'm just disgusted in what it made people to be.

I'm not an anti-social, I'm just more capable of sustaining all that there is to my being by myself, understanding that them approvals has nothing to do with me, and for me to live a life without regrets, and I've always managed to - the decisions must come from myself. 

Birthday - 26

Woke up. Brush up. Freshen up. Eat up. Dress up. Grab my bag, hop into my car, speed through the highways, parked my car, and settle myself in my office cubicle.
Just another day

I'm glad that I have a purpose, I have a commitment. 
Glad that I don't dread the Mondays, glad that I don't dread walking into my office at all.

Lucky to have the allowance to enjoy the ignorance, for it is a bliss.
Lucky too, to be able to live a life parallel to all the disasters and also have the blessing of peace & calm.

Astounded by the fact that I could make decisions in the past year, by myself and for myself only.
Astounding also, to be bold enough to trust my heart and follow the path I genuinely desired. 

Rain just started. A pluviophile I am. 

Yes, lost some friends, but came to gain more of a "me" in myself.

Yes, those were tough times when I was young, but it gave me more courage to love myself even if it means neglecting the need to please some one else. 

Loneliness, is the path of a triumphant warrior. Least that is what I truly believe.

Gone were too, where the lonely days could consume me. I've defeated one of many's most common enemy, for it shall never drive me into desperation ever. 

Wealthy enough to be able to spend on the things that could be of great addition to my life.

Meantime cherished the fact I could discover wealth in such vast, sustaining quantity, and not from the hollows of materialism. 

That was my year of 25 years old.

No checklist, no "10 things to do before you're 30 years old", no excuses made to myself.

Listened to no one but myself, for I am accountable for myself only, and all that I am, or could achieve is all because I followed my heart. 

...and that, is more than any wealth in the world. 

I have myself. 

Reset

Today is a day that nothing else really matters.

The centre of my universe, is me. 
and it'll never spell "me" unless I have the whole world to myself, \
or rather when the world leaves me alone with my world. 

You see, the world and how it should be is all but subjective to the eyes of the individual. 

I get to reset and recalibrate myself.

Untainted

This is the thing about my world.

The more I see, the more temper I've got.
It's the hate that never subsides. 
Anger, in its purest form and so untainted.

That is the thing when I opened my eyes, it won't shut back.

Eternity

This very moment.
I carry a void in me.
Nothingness is all that there is.

Despite that I find calmness, even a strange sense of security.

...and in this moment, I am eternal.

Repositioning

Thanks for reminding me what is important - that is everything else but this.
This lie and facade.

It is very tiring.

Rising

I've been happy for a long while, it's like I've been in a long dive and the water has been cushioning me.
I was very well distracted, well secluded from the outside world.
It's a prolonged moment of utter silence, where my own existence is encased and self-sustaining. 
I would whisper "It's ok. I'm safe. No one can hurt you here" almost infinitely.

The doors are shut.
The decibels flattened.

Then like a surge of current, it all came right back at me.
There's no severing to that part of me. 
I surfaced and there they all are...

Imagine all the cries, the echoes, the pleads.
Imagine them all taking a physical form, just standing still. Stares locked onto you. 
Imagine your helplessness as the eye contacts disables you and emotions poured through the window of the soul.
Imagine the suffocation, the overwhelming pressure of the air and the asphyxiation. 

Like vintage movie clips, you dash through all the death threatening glances.
A whisper into a murmur. Then softly spoken. And the anger intensifies, yelling would soon take place.





Head's back into water.
Where tears, an embodiment of your emotion would be immiscible with the surrounding water. 
So dense it would fall like it would in a medium of air. Yes, just like that. 
You composed yourself. Eventually this sanctuary would be an escape.
It's always an escape, its just that when you're neck deep into this addiction -
the lies, the deindividuation...
it becomes your sanctuary.