Christmas

This Christmas, have been unfortunately been very unhappy for me. That is of course, I am put into an undesirable situation where I felt compelled and extremely forced to comply to it. Besides, the recent meeting with friends from various networks bored me a lot, not implying my change of heart, but it does bore me and it only means one thing when this occurs to me - I haven't been spending time with myself. Hence the need for me to actually sit at home and do absolutely nothing but be with myself in solitary, confinement, absolute stillness and peace. Which honestly speaking, I've been really wanting this Christmas holiday to fulfill that role and unfortunately I really do feel like I've been robbed of that. There's really no way around phrasing it and there is really no point in sugarcoating it, it's just how I feel.

I really do commit at work and I feel tired already for being so committed to one thing already, to have a second issue to be shoved down your throat will agitate you. Although the recent issue of being sickened with a certain friend or two does hold true, because of events of late which really allow me to see who that person really is. There is nothing but disappointments and complete loss of faith, trust and hope in that person. There is no longer value in the friendship, hell, I wouldn't even call you a friend, rather just a "contact" now. Although to digress the topic a little bit, I do hate people who ask to be invited. There are numerous of them who does it subconsciously and I feel disgusted usually. I would never do so and sometimes when I sense something off with a certain invitation that was done so commercially or just a display of good manner to just ask you, I would turn it down, although usually sometimes some friend would term that as "loner" or "unsociable" which I would like to correct you right here and now, to take it back and categorize it as the said reason above.

All in all, I am still very unhappy with the fact that my mind therapy schedule is reduced to ashes. Although it still struck me just now that, perhaps God is reminding me of the discovery of what I really want a long time ago - that nothing else really matters, when I could not be happy.