Starvation

This is really bad. Its getting from bad to worse. My meals are getting even more irregular and i starve myself even more now.

 

I had breakfast at 12, lunch at 4pm, and then sorta skipped dinner and moved straight to supper at 11pm. I ended up having gastric, something im very prone to since childhood days.

 

I think i need a better solution, or a more disciplined meal timing. So for you people thinking i have the luxury of eating outside food, think again. You've got no idea how frustrating it is to think of what to eat for a meal.

 

Just gulped down half a cup of warm milo hoping it'll soothen my stomach up. Geez.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Results

What can i say.

 

Thermodynamics - 77 D

BioNano Engineering - 64 C

Chemistry - 71 D

Mathematics - 71 D

 

No HDs again. Who else to blame? Myself. Period.

 

My No-More-Starvation plan obviously is not working, i starved myself again today and not to mention yesterday again. Going to get a haircut either tomorrow or so and i'd have to dye it again. Its worsening aint it? Now i'm reduced to having to dye my hair for EVERY haircut i get.

 

Bought 2x1GB RAM the other day along with 500GB WesternDigital external hardrive. I dont know why i felt some guilt afterwards, but isnt this something i've been planning and evaluating over and over again since the begining of the year?

 

Got a friend who didn very much less well for this sem's results, i was really at a loss of words. Like as in, i dont even know what to type for the next line of word, like a line of comfort or what?

 

I wanted to ask you out this holiday really, i know you're around, and i know you're back from Australia, but i had too much pride. Sorry TianHui.

 

Finally get to eat 记得吃 at Kepong Bahru with a friend of mines. Been hoping for that for a month, and turned down twice.

 

 

 

 

 

Whats up

Yeah, whats up! Been a while since last entry so yeah here i go.

 

#1

Couple of things been going on, one is meeting up with my primary school friends again, glad to have reconnected and get back to each other again. Its definitely great to have you guys back into my life, for the least i feel very much myself around these people, like you really dont have to worry about making silly comments and feeling akward. Not to mention two of my friends were classmates with me for full 8 years. Its definitely some amazing figure there.

 

I liked the flexibility as well, got asked to have a day trip to Malacca and it happened. I mean, thats something i've always wanted to have in my life and so glad it has finally befell on me, enough satisfaction already even just for once. Had some nice beer at some german bar with friends after the day trip. Another thing i'd like to do as well.

#2

I did research on white/grey hairs, because you've got no idea how bad in a situation i am. I literally have to dye my hair every alternate haircuts i get. Yes the white hair is THAT bad. Its visible from a mile away if thats what you want to know. Im kidding, but its definitely visible for a range that typical day-to-day conversations takes place. So turns out theres only a handful of reason to it, its either hereditary which is largely the case, or due to lack of melanine which is responsible for the colouring of your hair. So i furthered the research and it turns out that your body actually does funny things when low on nutrients a.k.a. when you starve yourself.

Which is exaclty what i've been doing...unintentionally. Like im seriously either too lazy to get my food, or just too clueless about what to eat for a meal. Currently trying a solution to this reason, who knows it may turn out to be the major cause. Starting 2 days ago i've been having regular meals, and small bites for the interval between to big meals. So far so good, and honestly, i havent been having such regular meals...in years.

#3

I swam today, again. Its been my weekly routine for like the third years already. Its going good, and its already integrated into my life like...exercising is just something you have to do every week. No excitement nor boredom whatsoever, you just do it every week. I'd go for jogging on the weekends, but i really dreaded jogging, perhaps it takes some time to integrate into your life as well.

So i've got quite QUITE a good shape already, i'm much tanner than i used to, and i'm definitely not as skinny as i used to. Least i have muscles ( eh.....a little yeah ) and im between having a single piece of muscle on your abs and buldgy 6 packs. Like i've met so many past friends recently, most of the comments were "you were so much more tanned now" or probably more built-up than i used to. You CANNOT deny that those compliments were sweet as candy.Well, best of all, i know my health is in good shape.

Ok, i dont know why i said that. Maybe just to brag a little, like sometimes, just maybe SOMETIMES i could see in somebody's eyes that they've wanted decent body like mines, or heights like mines ( thats one thing i've been taking granted for, 183cm sounds all too easy for me to get, hell how many guys out there dying for that sorta heights ), and i've realized it all came down to hardwork ( perhaps not he height =X ). I was told like "there are no ugly girls, only lazy girls" before, and so far its been right to a large extent. I mean im not trying to put you down or something, but came to think about it, i've really REALLY worked hard to get it.

Just into some details, last time when i first started on this routine, i cannot even complete HALF a lap of free style in an olympic sized pool. In addition to that, i dont even know how to do a proper breast stroke. Right now i could do 6 laps of free style with ease. Like i mean, you wanted something, you've gotta work hard to get it. Which brings me to my next point -

#4

I cant wait for the release of my Year 2 Sem 1 results. Like i've been working for a HD. Yes quit patronizing me how easy a HD is to get. Like hell some people have never gotten anything else rather than HDs (Higher Distinctions). Im the odd one out for not able to secure any till so far. Its really bad. BUT BUT i've really been working for it. Hoping for my Thermodynamics for HD, if not its actually going to be quite a letdown and dissapointment. Like seriously it'd spoil my day. Or week. =(

#5

Sometimes, i do a lot of things all by myself. Lunch, dinner, shopping, whatever. Yes i can be deemed as the loner, but hey i do have my social times, but outside those times? I'll just be alone whats the big deal. To your surprise, many people actually are afraid to be seen alone outside. Like, they cant deal with the fact that they have no one to do things with sometimes. This is what i thought today, and done today.

I have a goal. Goal is to get 2x1GB RAM memory for my comp, swim, and have Sarawak Mee at a restaurant in Sunway. Like i dont need friends to get to my goal, its MY and MY goal. Its actually silly to have YOUR goals affected by your friends. Important lesson here. Know your goals, and go for it. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Always expect for the worse, and prepare for the worst. Here am i going to brag again, so far, education-wise, they have been going according to my plan. Results wise, many of them turns out to be on par with my plan as well. Sometimes i intentionally flunk a subject so i could score higher for the other because of how the grades go, like they take the best 4 subjects and such.

So, stick to your goals!

#6

I think the length of this holiday is just perfect. I think i have sufficient rest already and is probably ready for the next encounter.

#7

I think i've been doing a really good job being grateful of what i have now in my life. Like a really good job =)

 

 

Contrast

"Holiday is boring"

"The hectic school work is killing me"

 

Seriously, guys and girls, what do you want? Broaden your visions. Dont always complain about the present and admire the past,

 

because you are currently present in a future's past

 

which you will undoubtedly admire when you are in the future. So, start appreciating your current position in the time frame. Stop all the whinings you 20 year-olds, its an eyesore.

 

 

Time for myself

Yes, holiday are the perfect time for you to spend more time with your innermost self, after all the hectic work and pressurizing deadlines.

 

So i just got back from Singapore, heres a brief outline -

 

Day 1 - Left 1Utama at 1000hr and arrived at singapore's harbour front at about 4pm. Reached 1 Florence close at 5pm or so, had to walk into a pizza shop to ask for directions which turns out our destination is just 1 junction down. Checked in the hostel, pretty cozy looking one. Cramp if thats what you want to know, however if your standards are not THAT high it would serve you just alright. I happened to be sleeping on the top level of the bunk bed while jiayean was at the bottom level. So i got a lot of complaints im making a lot of noises while sleeping and turning. Seanelle was both on another bed. Went to Orchard Road and had the walk all the way from Boarders to Plaza Singapura. "Tried" to dine in at the Fish n Co opposite of Plaza Sg, but was too full. What a let down. Ended up in Cafe Cartel, with totally insufficient tartar sauce. We went to the Singapore Flyer, 30minutes ride for a full circle. My my...the view sure was beautiful at night. Made out way to the Double-Helix Bridge afterwards. It is definitely an architecture marvel ( to a small extent really haha ). The two girls in our group had a long wait for shower before we head to bed. Awful wait really while i watch Sean played Chronicles of Blood. Seriously boy, cant you leave the game for a day? lol. To quote what i said about the girl, i mentioned "she was touching herself in the shower room", hence the long wait.

 

 

 

Day 2 - Mee Kia for breakfast. then Universal Studio. Ended up with no Universal Studio because i guess we're the dumbest 4 person on Earth to have no bought the ticket online ( a matter which went through a lot of -casual- debate ). You can definitely imagine us with our sigh of relieve when we were enquiring about the availability of the tickets and buying them. Phew. That was the whole plan, Universal Studio, all else would fail if we dont get to enter the theme park for the sg trip. Went Bugis Street, and had lunch at MOS BURGER and had a long meal while waiting for my friend, Alex to reply my call. He did eventually, at 2pm, and he just woke up. Arranged to meet up at Suntec City, didnt expect Joseph to turn out as well, oh wells theyre both Tampines-lang, how difficult can it be. Had fish n Co finally. I know deep down im not satisfied, i still wanted THAT particular Fish n Co. I should also mentioned the rest of the ppl were bloated because...we're having that meal, which was intended for dinner at 5pm-ish. Whoops. Went Night Safari afterwards, was a pretty tedious train ride and then bus ride to the location. I made a lot of noises in the park, and to be honest, i ended up startling myself when i made some joker's laughter and a tons of Hyena howled back. We took a taxi back, because we're all just too tired. The two girls decided to shower first before caught in another long wait, while i actially made my way out to a 7-eleven and bought some mineral waters and mashed potato. Gosh i missed those S$1 mashed potatoes.

 

 

 

Day 3 - Universal Studio. Finally. Had breakfast at one of the bread shop, had french toast with cheese, toast breads and half boiled eggs with coffee. Still cant resist the urge to brush my teeth after breakfast. My....universal studio was fun. Started with the madagascar's merry go round. Then headed for the Shrek's interactive show. Followed by a "motion master" which involves chair movment, water sprinkling on your face, and stuffs sweeping your legs, and of course a 3D spectacles. Went to Jurassic Park's area, sat on the typical kids flying rides. Queued for the godamn Rapid Ride afterwards, took us one hour but we're expecting it and still went ahead with it because it fits right into our activities' timeline. Its a 3x3 round floating tube we're sitting on. I actually bet whos going to be the wettest, and oh wells, just when the ride starts, my pants got wet already. It was really exciting, especially how we went into a dark sewage with T-rex scaring us all of a sudden, and eventually came to an end where we got lifted up which we all screamed like mad, and put to a halt. Hell, i was wondering why are there water dropping from upwards. Guess what? T-rex's mouth is just right atop of you. More screams haha, and then the ride ended with a tsunami of water came right over my head, which got me COMPLETELY soaked. The Mummy Revenge ride was the next. This has got to be the best ride, its a 4x4 ride, and it involves SERIOUS HOT fire burning, and a lot of thrilling ride in the dark. Theres even a part where theres backward motion. Afterwhich we went for the WaterWorld Stunt Show, it was really a good show. To top it off, we sat in the 2nd foremost row, which is categorized as SOAK ZONE as labelled on the bench lol. Went for 1 last ride which is just sitting with your leg dangling in the air, and last was Hollywood's behind-the-scene show. I was tired, and i actually slipped quite a few of my tantrum out =X Went back hostel, showered and had dinner at Newton Circle.

 

 

 

Day 4 - Lunch, shop, and bus back. There was an accident. Yeah. Too lazy to describe it.

 

Yeah holiday sure is here. Time to relax, catch up with friends. Yeah...should probably do so.

 

Ok. Thats it.

It has come to my attention that A LOT of people been getting very depressed over their performance in the exam and whatnot. That is understandable. Whining about the high possibility of yourself failing the paper? Plain bullshit.

 

Call me arrogant and whatnot, I've been through the same shits that you experienced. Hell, if you're talking about shame and utter failure, how about i terminate my godamn ASEAN Scholarship last time because i cant deal with the pressure? Imagine every friends and relatives in Singapore and in Malaysia will know of it. Then you embark on a half of year of so-called HOLIDAY, doing absolutely NOTHING but reflect on your past failures. Now come back to me, and tell me how'd you deal with that at a young age, and compare that to your pathetic paper you've just sat for.

 

I'm not bragging about my ability to deal with life failures, but i'm definitely stating and making a point that, YOU are proven incapable of dealing with your own problems. Whining on Facebook aint going to help, and to top it off, you've let all your surrounding friends worried for you. These post-exampartum syndromes is not just the only kind, there are pre-exampartum diseases as well.

 

The post-effects is to go around saying how badly you will fail. The only reason you will say that, if becuase guilt overwhelmes you. Yes, you've heard me, GUILT. Otherwise, it would be simply anger and rage for how the paper is set. This is what people commonly called as - regrets. Regret has got to be the last thing you will want to feel after every different encounter in your life. I personally dont agree with people regretting over what theyve did OVER AND OVER AGAIN, it just demonstrate a large deal of your character.

 

Deal with your failures, face it. Dont regret on your past failures, reflect on it.

 

The I-dont-think-i-will-make-it attitude is also one attitude that you should be ridding yourself of it. Seriously, what happens in the future is still salvageable, let alone knowing its outcome. Think "fail", and i guarantee you a failure. If you suceed, lucky you. If you failed, you deserve it.

 

RIGHT? YOU WANTED FAILURE, YOU'VE ACHIEVED FAILURE, SO AINT IT ALL DESERVING FOR YOU?

 

People, a lot of things are just in the minds. Demonstrating acts of weakness again and again thinking you'd get pity and sympathy, will not get you far. Yes, ask yourself deep down in your heart, you wanted pity right when you display a sign of weakness? Dont come telling me how you really think otherwise, because if you WANT to be strong yourself, you would just simply state and admit your doubt on yourself, HOWEVER reassuring that there is still time to salvage the situation.

 

I admit that i did not do all that well for my mathematics paper yesterday, but in all seriousness, i've done all that i've could. I painstakingly did four past year math paper question-by-question, read through all the examples in the lecture notes, attempted and finished ALL math tutorials throughout the semester, and reviewed them before my paper. Moreover, i've always paid 101% attention during the tutorials (i do sleep in lectures all the time =X). Yes i did forget a part of the topic that would otherwise secure me an additional 5 marks in the paper, but whose fault to blame? MY OWN because i know where i could revise for that section but did i go the extra mile to revise that part before my paper for the second time? I did not. I definitely think i could secure a pass, credit, and a good chance for a grade sitting in the lower boundary of Distinction. If not, fine. I take it i did not do enough, because one advice from my teacher way back in Sec4 in secondary school, Ms Kwoh Siew Lai, i still remembered her name because shes one scary and yet short female chemistry teacher that is so ever inspiring, she said

 

"If you put in A1 effort, you get A1 results"

 

Simple as that. If i did not get a distinction, that means i am not working hard enough and if i want to want the grade D, i'll just have to work harder next time, SIMPLE AS THAT!

 

Ok? People? You can say "why are you overreacting? I'm just bitching a little for a while". Yes, you may be whining just a little, but given the frequency you've done that and in the shoes of outsiders, its getting infuriating and annoying. Because i'd want to care for you as a friend, but the state of mind you've been putting yourself into, is wasting all my effort and sooner or later, i will no longer bother to even comfort you because you'll just continue doing it ANYWAYS, and i dont want to get myself in a position where i would forfeit a friend like you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So, for your own good's sake, and for the friends around you, stay optimistic and take good care of yourself. Ok?

 

 

 

 

 

英雄

好！既然我生用中文写作才寥寥几次，那这次我就破例！

 

我还记得当年，也就是很久以前，看过一套戏名 《英雄》. 那么今天就心血来潮，下载了一个高清版的。

管他人说什么，闷啦，或者其它的评语，我倒还挺享受这套戏。用中文沟通还挺辛苦的叻。。我的今日博客就到此结束！