愚人的國度

Heard this song today and felt a strong sense of attachment to the lyrics and the music.

孙燕姿 - 愚人的国度

Stefanie Sun - A fool's land

爱是愚人的国度 ( Love is a fool's land )
看我们演的好辛苦 ( Look at us performing so hard )
是你所谓的领悟 ( Its what you meant by enlightenment )
我不懂 我不哭 ( I don't understand , I don't weep )

看悲欢喜怒每一步 ( Look at life's every step of joy and sorrow )
是疲惫还是依赖的束缚 ( Is that tiresome or is that dependence's confinement? )
来你能不能再重复 ( Let's see whether you could repeat that again )
让我懂 让我哭 ( Let me understand, let me weep )

再让时间停住 ( So let time stop again )
把自己看清楚 ( so I can take a good look at myself )
不必再说假如 ( and needless to say "what if" again )
我穿过 一地荒芜 ( I crossed a stretch of wastelands )
幸福 不能碰触 ( Happiness, is immaterial )

爱是愚人的国度 ( Love is a fool's land )
不能自拔 不懂退出 ( Cannot extricate, not knowing how to back out )
我们都回不去最初 ( and the all of us could no longer return to the begining )
曾美丽 但还是不满足 ( once beautiful, still unsatisfying )
爱是自娱愚人演出 ( Love is for the self-entertainment performance of a fool )
答案清楚 才能谢幕 ( Answers have to be clear, for the curtain call to take place )
剧情 是笑 是哭 ( Drama, is the story of laughter, the story of tears )

 

 爱是愚人的国度 ( Love is a fool's land )
看我们演的好辛苦 ( Look at us performing so hard )
是你所谓的领悟 ( Its what you meant by enlightenment )
我不懂 我不哭 ( I don't understand , I don't weep )

 

看悲欢喜怒每一步 ( Look at life's every step of joy and sorrow )
是疲惫还是依赖的束缚 ( Is that tiresome or is that dependence's confinement? )
来你能不能再重复 ( Let's see whether you could repeat that again )
让我懂 让我哭 ( Let me understand, let me weep )

 

再让时间停住 ( So let time stop again )
把自己看清楚 ( so I can take a good look at myself )
不必再说假如 ( and needless to say "what if" again )
我穿过 一地荒芜 ( I crossed a stretch of wastelands )
幸福 不能碰触 ( Happiness, is immaterial )

 

爱是愚人的国度 ( Love is a fool's land )
不能自拔 不懂退出 ( Cannot extricate, not knowing how to back out )
我们都回不去最初 ( and the all of us could no longer return to the begining )
曾美丽 但还是不满足 ( once beautiful, still unsatisfying )
爱是自娱愚人演出 ( Love is for the self-entertainment performance of a fool )
答案清楚 才能谢幕 ( Answers have to be clear, for the curtain call to take place )
剧情 是笑 是哭 ( Drama, is the story of laughter, the story of tears )

我们都回不去最初 ( The all of us could no longer return to the beginning )
怎么爱　还是不满足 ( No matter how we love, it is still unsatisfying )
爱是自娱愚人演出 ( Love is for the self-entertainment performance of a fool )
答案清楚　才能谢幕 ( Answers have to be clear, for the curtain call to take place )
结局　是笑　是哭 ( Ending, is the story of laughter, the story of tears )

recluse

In times of stress, I'd always hope I could retreat to places as such. I don't think I'm anywhere near suicidal, just that everytime when I'm stressed with the schoolwork and all sorts of things that us human trouble ourselves with, I just wish I could go places as such alone...

...and in recluse. So the sheer silence in the air and the magnificent view of mother nature could remind me how tiny a being I am. How insignificant I can be. That always has a very strong positive impact on me, always reminds me of the beauty of life, and how real life attachments are really nothing but a bunch of nuisance that we human choose to attach ourselves with. 

There is nothing I cannot overcome in my life, not until my very last breath. Even then, I would have no regrets living thus far.

Only human

Sometimes, no matter how tough we are and how seasoned are we in our life experiences, we would always still wind down to being a baby all over again.

We are still stuffed toys who yearns for love, and comforting hugs.

Sometimes, a hug and "it's ok" is all I need.

Eye 2 Eye, Cheek 2 Cheek

Easter Break been great, had some good rest, and enjoyed those days doing absolutely nothing.

Of all the days, three days were most eventful. Great Ocean Road and the visit to Twelve Apostle Road was the first to name.

Next is the visit to Healesville Sactuary. Just a look around the countryside zoo and some relaxing.

Lastly the weekend before classes resumed, we went to Carlton Gardens in the city, followed by Dim Sum for breakfast, a walk around Queen Victoria Market and lastly karaoke.

Time sure flies for holiday, and now we're back to our busy schedules and assignments and tests. A month left to finals and its the completion of yet another semester. Life's like that I guess, I'm thankful though to have a normal life as such, living and doing what everyone else is doing. Although there is a missing puzzle, I know very well what it is, just not within my reach. Actually its within my reach, but I guess I can't have everything.

Guess that's it for this entry, laters.

me you us you me

Sometimes when I see people trying so hard in their lives, it really makes me wonder about myself sometimes. People do think that I'm a pessimist and an asshole at times, but who are they to blame me for that when they haven't seen the world through my eyes?

Say I'm stubborn but who are you to say that when you're one who is reluctant to make a change and insist that I change? I m just tired, very tired of taking a step back all the time. I'm just asking myself the question, why can't it be someone else for this one time who is going to take a step back?

Say I'm a pessimist and always view things as a half empty glass instead of a glass half filled with water. But who are you to say I'm full with so much negativity when you view my life with such little optimism? It's not my fault that I kept seeing things, and perhaps at times seen too much when I'm not suppose to and comprehended things that way ever since. 

Say I give up too easily on things and did not have enough faith in matters. But who are you to say I'm not putting enough effort when you were not there at all when I toke a tumble and cried for help? Wounds do heal after they have bled enough, but who in the right mind would want to take another tumble knowing it is bound to happen. Call me that, but I stand my ground firm because I've always been getting back on my feet on my own and I know that a lot of times, no one really cares. Don't pretend like you care.

Say I am holding my feelings and thoughts and secrets in too much and straining myself. But who are you to intrude my personal space and thread on my ground? Ugly secrets are best keep behind closed doors, because you are naive enough to think that the world is kind; because you have never once let loose a monstrosity of yours and suffer under the condescending glare of others. I do not see the point in you trying to know me, when all I have been trying to do all these while is just to keep myself safe. 

Say I am a bully and a meanie, but who are you to say that when you are born with perfect limbs and minds and not putting enough effort to improve yourself? I did not born ravenous like a predator hunting down others, I just simply could not comprehend why are you such a crybaby. I have seen, worked and get in touch with kids born with fates much worst than us - intellectually challenged ones, ones that lost everything from a natural disaster. I can see in their eyes that they are trying much harder than any of us right here, and they long for a fulfilling life like ours. Then there you are, a two decade old baby sitting on the floor crying over spilled milk and wait for people to help you get back on your feet. You clearly have not seen much tears that bled in the hearts of people which conveys through the windows of their souls.

I don't live unhappily day after another, I still live a fulfilling life with conflicts, laughters, stresses and resolves. Yes certain aspects of me may seem depressing and sad and loveless to you, but who are you to say that when you did not embrace and love me truthfully as an individual?

...and I gotta finish this entry because I have a life to live and myself to love. =)

Of toast and half boiled eggs

Life's simple at times. Most of the time, which I'm glad to say.

At least that's what I get to say when I'm occupied with tons of school work, takes your mind of the unnecessary thoughts. Since last week I've been working like a buzzing bee in a oven hot nest, could hardly take a break with the stacking school work, least my optimism reminds me of the best reward at the end of it - a week's break. Besides, I've been seeing a lot of people graduating in the campus recently in huge groups, they really do motivate me. Every time I walked past them I would tell myself, "One day mate, one day. And it'll be my turn and then all that I've done will be worthwhile".

Been working a lot, also not forgetting my moto of work hard play hard. I DID NOT play as much I swear, only a good 2-3hours of Starcraft 2 in a couple of days. However I sure do know how to take a break sometimes. Spent like a forever in the early morning ( yes 8am ) doing assignment which is due a day afterwards ( Note: The assignment is a minor one and is pretty easy to do, i finished way earlier just now and submitted way earlier than the due time), well stopped at near 10 o'clock and woke up after that. Had the best damn thing for brunch.

Half boiled eggs served with kaya/butter toast. GOOD LORD! They tasted so good! Not to mention I finished my brunch with a warm cup of 3-in-1 white coffee. Worked my ass off so I could submit my assignment early just now, well after all the hard work I sure did reward myself justly. I watched the latest episode of Naruto which released like 2-3 hours. Imagine that temptations seducing you while you're completing the assignment.

Other than that life's been good, aside from academic. Fell sick the other day for 2 days or so. Actually I only get a serious fever for a day. Thanks to Pfizer's Celebrex, gosh they're so powerful as a medication.

Autumn's here. The scenery is pretty as well, trees with crimson red leaves and ground carpeted with red leaves, while some other trees still stand firm and green.

Homesickness is something that is completely unheard of here anyways. At least for me. Damn, having the opportunity to learn and become independent at an incredibly young age does have its advantage.

Going to look forward to bake egg tarts this Easter Break. My mom's recipe is divine, there is no argue around it. I don't care what cuisine award you've got, or whether they're those Portuguese egg tarts at Bakery's Cottage or King's Cake house which already taste good, there is no replacement to THAT egg tart recipe.  Always had a problem coming to a stop after I started eating em'. =)

superman

This week is hell. Wait, this SEMESTER is hell.

1 minor assignment, 2 lab reports, 4 tests, all over the course of 2 weeks. Don't blame me for being a last-minuter, because I am not, the lab reports could only be commenced after conducting the laboratory exercise which is this coming Friday.

Not to mention, I have a major assignment and also a pre-lab report due by the end of this week. This is serious hell. Not to mention previous weeks have been very tough as well, and it has been the same, like 2 consecutive weeks of sudden spike of workload and tests. Damn. To those kids who say Engineering, specifically Chemical Engineering is cake, you should die in a fire. Seriously. I don't think you could even comprehend half of what we study everyday, we do not enjoy the luxury of being able to "bullshit" ideas and use the mastery of language to persuade somebody something which is false, and we do not tolerate mistakes. A wrong answer with the wrong working/calculation/idea is wrong. There is no getting around it. 

I'm doing my pre-laboratory report now, just figured an hour ago about what kinds of equation we need to do and the approach to the experiment when the laboratory manual tells you literally nothing other than the obvious. Hell, they did not even tell me what sort of results they wanted, they just told us they want us to find...some sort of relationship. That's all. Didn't even have the courtesy to mention what relationship. Cracked my head for it. Working on it since 9pm until now. 

Joy.

P.S. There is mid semester break after the above mentioned 2 weeks of hardship. Phew.