the road ahead.

Well, a picture paints a thousand words. This is probably how I've been feeling for the past few days.

I've really just let down a huge luggage recently. I really couldn't talk to anybody for god's sake, I just want to stand there for a while more with my luggage. Take a look into the horizon in the distant. Catch a new breath. Take a look back at my luggage for one last time...

...so I can move on.

Thank you

You'd probably will never read this, but here it is - 

Thank you

For hearing me out, and still see me as who I am. I could finally breathe my life again after so long. Thank you, really.

Last weekend

Last friday night, yeah it resembles Katy Perry's song, we celebrated Tian Hui's birthday.

That was some fun and some good food we had there. Had tons of chips as well, something that I crave almost certainly at some point of time every week. Well, there's a good reason to why I exercise consistently every week without fail. So I won't have the slightest bit of guilt the next time I dig into that box of chips!

Last night, Saturday night was the party after the dinner. Had tons of alcohol, JDs, Vodkas and Cointreau. I've gotta admit that was a tad too much alcohol, and in spite of my numerous experience at heavy drinking, I got drunk the first time yesterday. I was always the high tipsy guy, until I got wasted yesterday and lied down on the floor for the whole night. There was of course much more story to it but it ain't gonna be disclosed here hehe. 

Was lucky to be wasted in the comfort of a friend's house and stayed over. Thank god they're bunch of nice chaps who doesn't mind a lot of things. Glad to have them. 

Well, to wrap things up I'd say yesterday was more like me letting my worst nightmare out loose, and not being able to hold all the long suppressed feelings in anymore. Meh, guess it was good to let it out?

Someone like you

So,

life's pretty much the same.

I went Mt Buller on the weekend with couple of my friends, and I finally managed to pull a skiing trip off. To be exact, we didn't ski in the end, we took up snowboarding instead. Boy, that was fun. Mount Buller really have some really nice long slopes for snow sports, and it was very exhilarating to snowboard at high speed. Provided the speed could last more than a minute, that'd be awesome. However I still managed to have a lot of fun and thrill nonetheless. 

Yesterday, Normanby House had an event. Its the party bus! Basically we boarded a bus with a dance floor and traveled down to the city and visited a bar, a club and a phail club/bar/pub which is the last place we've visited before heading back. Perhaps we were tired, and perhaps the place just blows. Had my first Tequila Shot. Interesting much, taking that pinch of salt, downing that shot and then biting into a lemon.

 

To be honest, both Mount Buller and Party Bus made me feel more like a foreigner, in a good way. Like seriously, Melbourne city is infested with asians, makes you really wondered where did all the Caucasians go. In Mt Buller, when we were having meals whatsoever we always seemed to be the ONLY bunch of asians around. Party Bus too were saturated with primarily Caucasians. Make no mistake I'm not complaining, its more like a "Australia, now that's what I'm talking about". 

Going off to a friend's house for potluck later. There's going to be around 15 of us. Talked to a friend of mines about this recently, like how fortunate I am thus far. Most of the things I've always wanted to do when I grow up were checked in my bucket list. Imagined myself going road trips, imagined myself drinking beer in a friend's house during winter etc. I hardly say this out loud, but here it is - Thank you God. 

...although there's still some issues here and there still left unresolved. Atop of everything wonderful happening, some issues still bore me down to my knees and left me really helpless. At least I still have what I call a "normal life" on the majority part of my life to keep those silent cries shut, and get a hang of myself. As much as I would want some things to change, some facts still remained the same. I did get some answers, but as much as a optimist and a problem-solver I am, I still wind up in the crossroad now, and questioned

What now?

what if

Don't hate me for this, I know its totally inappropriate and I swear I usually would never prompt this question in normal day to day speech, hell, I've never asked that thus far. Just curious, if under any unfortunate circumstance you were at the wrong place at the wrong time and got into an accident and was at the verge of dying - 

Can you still breathe your last breaths peacefully and cherished all that you've lived and leave with no regrets?

I wish I could. Maybe its the thought of that allowed me to be able to cherish my every waking moment. Maybe not every single one of it, at least the most of it?

Holiday's a really good time though, takes your mind off the materialistic in a good way. Had enough time to think thoroughly through things etc. 

( Digress. I got my first High Distinction grade this semester! Whilst everyone had four HDs every semester, I got my first after entering university. Doesn't change the fact that my average marks improved and I got my first HD which is such---a---delight! )

Unfortunately a friend amongst us still struggle with issues of friends and loneliness. I always seemed to be his last resort before he takes the final straw. Although in addition to couple more adversaries, I still think they are broke even with the age he is now. God did give me ample signs to reach out to this lost soul and give him a helping hand, but in all honesty I have no idea what to do either. Time and time again I have failed to send the message that "I couldn't help you if you don't help yourself" out across to him. All this sounded all too familiar anyways, and it's also not like I have not been through solitary before. Simply put it this way, if you could not handle solitary, it just simply goes to mean you dislike being with yourself. As much as I would want to help, sorry there is only so far I could go. I do not stand on firm solid grounds, I have issues of my own as well. 

In the midst of all the ruckus and talking I did also mention that we shouldn't all be too stubborn sometimes. Sometimes, some things are just not meant to be ours. After which I thought to myself again about what I said and was reminded by what you said. You said if we love someone, we shouldn't be cowardly and we should think about how we can give them better than what they have.

What if...

I really think I couldn't afford to give anything better? Isn't this the time for me to just back off? As much as I want it, and I want it so very dearly, and because I want it so dearly I could never fathom myself losing it even further. For this I will have to respectfully disagree with you. Sorry but this is really not mine's to take, and I choose to back off because it is never love to snatch, it is selfishness to rob something and have it turn to ash in your hands. 

Besides, it is foolish for me to dwell on issues out of my reach. I am still thankful for having friends which I could just hang out, like, really just hang out. There still beautiful things around other than the ones I truly cared for, if only I choose to take my eyes off for a while. Which I did, and I was glad.

( At Mt Dandenong, yesterday )

1km

unlocked a new perk today.

On the side note, I did manage to reach that target today. 40 laps was boring much. 

Holiday has pretty relaxing thus far, and boy, time sure flies by fast. Hadnt been doing much this holiday, which doesn't really bother because its what holiday is to me.

Watched Kung Fu Panda 2. Very good movie, and better than the first. Whereas for Transformer 3 : Dark of the Moon, I found it a tad disappointing after finishing the movie in the cinema. Don't exactly know why am I feeling disappointing after the movie though, but I sure know I was not thrilled. 

Went to city and visited one of the gardens as well in this winter.

(Behold, the Temple of Winds........right)

And as of recent we had my our favorite fish and chips in the city followed by a visit into Melbourne Museum. Guess what? Its free access for students. Awesome much.

That being said, I still have a lot of items on my to-do-list to complete, of which nearly more than half of them are official matters concerning my academic studies and internship. Phfffft. Nevertheless, this holiday has been pretty good to me =)

That's all, and this is Lester, logging out.

愚人的國度

Heard this song today and felt a strong sense of attachment to the lyrics and the music.

孙燕姿 - 愚人的国度

Stefanie Sun - A fool's land

爱是愚人的国度 ( Love is a fool's land )
看我们演的好辛苦 ( Look at us performing so hard )
是你所谓的领悟 ( Its what you meant by enlightenment )
我不懂 我不哭 ( I don't understand , I don't weep )

看悲欢喜怒每一步 ( Look at life's every step of joy and sorrow )
是疲惫还是依赖的束缚 ( Is that tiresome or is that dependence's confinement? )
来你能不能再重复 ( Let's see whether you could repeat that again )
让我懂 让我哭 ( Let me understand, let me weep )

再让时间停住 ( So let time stop again )
把自己看清楚 ( so I can take a good look at myself )
不必再说假如 ( and needless to say "what if" again )
我穿过 一地荒芜 ( I crossed a stretch of wastelands )
幸福 不能碰触 ( Happiness, is immaterial )

爱是愚人的国度 ( Love is a fool's land )
不能自拔 不懂退出 ( Cannot extricate, not knowing how to back out )
我们都回不去最初 ( and the all of us could no longer return to the begining )
曾美丽 但还是不满足 ( once beautiful, still unsatisfying )
爱是自娱愚人演出 ( Love is for the self-entertainment performance of a fool )
答案清楚 才能谢幕 ( Answers have to be clear, for the curtain call to take place )
剧情 是笑 是哭 ( Drama, is the story of laughter, the story of tears )

 

 爱是愚人的国度 ( Love is a fool's land )
看我们演的好辛苦 ( Look at us performing so hard )
是你所谓的领悟 ( Its what you meant by enlightenment )
我不懂 我不哭 ( I don't understand , I don't weep )

 

看悲欢喜怒每一步 ( Look at life's every step of joy and sorrow )
是疲惫还是依赖的束缚 ( Is that tiresome or is that dependence's confinement? )
来你能不能再重复 ( Let's see whether you could repeat that again )
让我懂 让我哭 ( Let me understand, let me weep )

 

再让时间停住 ( So let time stop again )
把自己看清楚 ( so I can take a good look at myself )
不必再说假如 ( and needless to say "what if" again )
我穿过 一地荒芜 ( I crossed a stretch of wastelands )
幸福 不能碰触 ( Happiness, is immaterial )

 

爱是愚人的国度 ( Love is a fool's land )
不能自拔 不懂退出 ( Cannot extricate, not knowing how to back out )
我们都回不去最初 ( and the all of us could no longer return to the begining )
曾美丽 但还是不满足 ( once beautiful, still unsatisfying )
爱是自娱愚人演出 ( Love is for the self-entertainment performance of a fool )
答案清楚 才能谢幕 ( Answers have to be clear, for the curtain call to take place )
剧情 是笑 是哭 ( Drama, is the story of laughter, the story of tears )

我们都回不去最初 ( The all of us could no longer return to the beginning )
怎么爱　还是不满足 ( No matter how we love, it is still unsatisfying )
爱是自娱愚人演出 ( Love is for the self-entertainment performance of a fool )
答案清楚　才能谢幕 ( Answers have to be clear, for the curtain call to take place )
结局　是笑　是哭 ( Ending, is the story of laughter, the story of tears )