" The days have aquire a peculiar blankness and emptiness "
Sure it applies to me. In the midst of mugging for GCE "O" Level, chains and chains of thought were channelled through my very imbecil mind....striving to witheld myself from those thoughts, I fell into this realm of cosmos which questions are never asked. The questioning of taking exams always played a role as an obstacle in my striving of excellence in academic and yet I can never shake it off. Or'd rather dwell in it. How sad huh? People blindly study what they're being fed upon, and never question the existance of those knowledge, if i might add a word, they added on to the atrocities of blindly studying by just, again, blindly memorizing what it was being thought and those thoughts are like sands, just a small gust of wind will just erode it off their mind. Sometimes it pains me to know that people are still too engulfed in what this world prepare for them, and not think beyond that. They are merely souless, mortal vessel which are just too addicted to the warmth of their dear nests and locomotion is barely their daily their activity, in the end, you will rot in great pain where you will get paid off by the very worms inside of your nest - they feed on your flesh. See how the cycle goes? Trapped in that vicious cycle. Money. Fame. Reputation. Materialism. Tell me now, what have become of this world? I once traced back all the way to my childhood days where I catched grasshoppers...I asked for more homeworks...I breed tadpoles...school is a place where everyday what drive your motivation to study is to uncover the gists contained in between those lines and your fellow educators will furnish your minds with both wisdom and knowledge and you, as you mastering your knowledge, knowledge succumbs to you and you grew in rapidity. However, LOOK AT the system now. What we do now are all bounded by the very merciless GCE "O" Level. We are no longer the masters, but the slaves and we bow to knowledge and heed whatever they told us to do. Mugging Goegraphy...doing mathematics for which its complexity hardly ever come in handful to most of us...Literature of which the essence of the text has already lost by the fact we have to memorise even the techniques of aswering a simple question on " How tension is built up? " and not by our senses...Studying history's no longer an alternative pathway for the better upbringing of a child and the source of moral education, its just plainly a looking back to the past and remembering all the points so we could have enough points to answer for structured essay questions...biology no longer brings us back to nature, we are stucked by laboratories, and it fascinates me to even know that my Biology teacher told me that all living things on Earth are beautiful, even onions, the fleshy scale leaves, their arrangement, and what are we learning Biology for....Pure chemistry also no longer let us understand the actions that triggers an reaction and how this orderly world goes with a rule and stick with it, but its now merely a resposibility to remember that acid reats only with four reactants and memorise their products, that's all...Physics no longer interest us in why things go that way and not the other and people are lacking imagination in sciences, are there anyone out there who can proved that E = mc^2 is wrong? where is our second Einstein...and English, was just like how it is in my Literature text, that all teachers' job is to ensure we spell "Honour" and not "Honor" for our examinations and " dot their "i"s and cross their "t"s ".
My omnipresent god, where is the answer to all this? Didn't Christianity teach us the sinfulness of Materialism...didn't it teach us to be better human...and countless teachings...and why are there no one on Earth dared to go against those evils? Why is some Church now is a place to compete for membership? Why some Christians just cannot want the best out of somebody they love and let them do things which are...neutral and of which harm is no where to be seen...yet they FORCEFULLY and ANNOYINGLY bugged someone to go to Church plainly for the sake of NOT GOING to hell, are they still afraid of death in spite of their great faith in You?
" For what good a man has to gain the world, but lost his soul? " Mark, Chapter 8 : Verse 36 ( sorry if i make a mistake in the wrong verse )
I remembered this by heart, and live by it...but why I still see people praying for money?
Yet another bunch of scholars came. Vietnamese...then PRCs...then Indonesians...I see that look on their face...so helpless...so innocent...and I pity the fact that they are nothing but tools to drive economy and wealth for the speeding up of the end of Earth of which the Earth is...i suppose dying now...that is how I see that...I bumped into an Indonesian living by my next room, he told me how afraid he was with another roomate of his due to his scary outlook appearance, I assured him that this is a safe Boarding School and offered him protection if he ever get bullied...for which I totally understand the bitterness of being bullied...he doubted the proper procedure to just turn on the water and utilise the shower and I showed him the way, in addition to that, he even questioned me on " Is there hot water?" and " How to adjust?". It brought me back to my first time here, and how innocent i was also and now my scope of vision is grealy widened and now I see things a lot more clearly now, and I really wish, that this pitiful soul will stay innocent and safe...
Inspired by my friends, of which he told me " Singapore's a developed and advance country now, why you even compare with them?" gave the realization of how small am I...I am engulfed by what I have now...and only seeing it through a kaleidoscope...so small...there are more people dying out there...there are more people out there who just never seen such clean water tap waters...there are more people out there who will never have air-conditioned class rooms ( of which I am dearly tempted to say the fact that I, too, came from a school that only with 6 rusty lights and 4 dust-covered fans, no doors, wooden chairs and tables and many more)...and we only keep asking for more and more...without even looking back...what a sad place with so many saddening peoples...
Just by this morning, I went to jog for some 3km with 2 of my indonesians friends of which their surpirse invitation shocked and encouraged me to try new things and always challange myself...seeing those people out there waiting for buses...that grief...or rather solemn on their face...working? Even the very aunty that brought me my 2 half-boiled eggs, have the look on the face which nagged me a lot.
So...where are you now and what are you doing now?
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