Question

 

What is it that i am lacking in my life that could set my life back on track?

 

 

Thank you

I denied my religion, but i will never deny the God i trusted and believed in.

 

Thank you God for making so many miracles in my life, and for the promotional examination that is approaching, thank you again, for giving me a reason to work hard, one that is really a motivation and one that is worth working hard for. Thank you.

The polarity shift of Optimism

Alrighty people, here i am telling you this - i am really fucking sick of my life. Dont be fooled by all the demonstrations of optimism, the fact is that i have been struggling with that goddamn bloody A lvl which inflicted so much agony in my life, and those stress were so fucking uneccessary. really.

 

Finally i have some Nationla Day holiday, which it stretched from Wed to Fri, includind Sat and Sun, i have some 5 days holiday to rest and chill out ad cath up with homeworks. BUT NO! This life's a bitch and that fate is really an assshole to have EVERYTHING against me. 

 

Wednesday, have to wake up early, go to school exactly the same time, went for some lame celebration, then have to go out with my Chinese CUltural Society ( which involved drama only ) and we have to bring a bunch of Indonesian exchange students for a cultural tour, because our club name said so. ALRIGHT i went out untill 3pm, came back, and was very tired and I spend most of the time resting and sleeeping.

 

Woke up today, Thursday on 12pm. Guess what? At 1.30pm my hostel having a sports carnival. YEA YEA although our house was used to be some "loser house" however we clinched the champion for this event, everyone was delighted, but it ended at 6pm+, and i just woke up taking a nap, what time is it now? YOU FUCKING TELL ME?! its near 12! Where on Earth any human have the mood to study now? DO NOT PATRONIZE ME I TELL YOU! Do that and i'll make sure i'll go straight to your mom and mutilate her and i will burn down every single thing you treasure in your life!

 

Tommorrow, Friday, WHAT A COINCIDENCE! She smsed me tonight asking me to help her in the day with her new house! OH NICE JOKE! Not 1h, but FOR THE DAY! You tell me what to do really. Oh yea, and its 10am in the morning, imagine how much more early i have to wake up and just to reach there on time.

 

Saturday, SURPRISINGLY got some chinese drama coming up and what a coincidence it falls during this holiday, although i purchased the ticket recently, but i never realised that it was actually during this holiday. Furthermore its a club activity that is compulsary. WHAT THE FUCK REALLY? its not going to start at night and last for few hours, its taking place in the afternoon. Means, you have to wake up early, get ready, travel under the hot sun, watch the damn movie, rush back for dinner yadayda...one of my friend even invited me for a group study and i am so tempted to just point a fucking middle finger back to her. MY SCHOOL LFE HAVE ITS TOIL ME ON OK?! I AM NO ROBOTS!

 

Sunday, you tell me what's left for me. I have swimming coaching in the afternoon, that is 4pm. Right after that i would be busy showring and rushing down for dinner. Then some hostel assembly untill 8pm.

 

Seriously people, YOU FUCKING TELL ME HOW TO LIVE LIFE LIKE THIS? I HAVE ALMOST NO TIME FOR MYSELF! For once i have time to chill out and sort things out, you gave me all this shits and expect me to cope with it and still catch up with my academic performance? People i did not socre all distinctions for my mid-year OK!

 

I SCORED THREE...3 FAILS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Out of 5 subjects!!!!!!!

 

YOU DONT EXPECT ME TO COME BACK FROM ALL THESE AND STILL DOES HOMEWORK!

 

There are some real bastards and son of a bitch out there, which can do this, theyre robots and and work so much much much more than they can even have time to think in their life, its just way beyond the proportion. Yes its them, BUT THERE NO SUCH GENES IN MY VEINS OK?! I JUST CANT DO IT! Got the guts and come and tell me " if he/she can do it, i dont understnd why you cant do it also"

 

God DAMN you. You're a motherfucking assshole, and i wish when it reaches the day you're dying, i would reward you with and additional 20 more stabs in your heart, and i would pour hot tomato soup into that would, seasoned with salt later, later craving "son of a bitch" on your face, cut off every fingers of yours, pluck to chopticks at your eyes, and make you swallow a big bucket of detergent to make sure your brain is well washed. YOU WILL DIE SAYING THAT! I WILL TURN TO THE SATANIC VERSES AND I WILL EVEN IN MY DEATH WILL COME AFTER YOUR DARN FUCKING SOUL AND SATURATE YOU WITH FEAR AND AGONY EVERYNIGHT! YOU HEAR ME??!!!

mirror image

ok hey fellow readers. Well recently i am having this social problem, but i do not blame it, it really makes me reflect a lot on myself and in those times of lineliness i realised a lot of things, and learnt a lot.

 

People, i think it is no bullshit for camps to get you to have reflections every night, on whatever you did in the day. Reflections have its benefits, and adults do not just have reflections every night to make the schedule looks packed. People, take sometime out, i am not asking for some hours of reflection, just a mere 10 minutes off each day, to just pause what you are doing and what have you done in the day. Just pause, and reflect. It will do you good in the growing of your body, soul and mind.

 

Many things i have learnt recently, like

 

Being mature is not pointing your finger at another person and saying hes childish.

 

No. That is just plain not the way to make you more mature than others. I swear never in my life i would use the word "childish" on other people, if i do so, you can point your finger right out at me and tell me im childish and because in my blog i said so, and you should be expecting an apology from me. I am not joking. No adolescents are childish, and even if so may i ask how would you define childishness? People have their reasons, their reasons to behave in that way, like what i previously said, "every action triggers a reaction", so stop pointing your finger at them and say such things. That leads me to my second point,

 

Humans are all unique and diffrent from each other.

 

So, before you blame them for doing so, you should really do as i said, just take sometime out, try to figure out why did he react in that way, and what have you done to make him so mad or pissed or dissapointed. Make up for it if it is your fault. Even if it is not your fault, sometimes you have to ust take the first step. Yes some of you may point me out that i am not taking my first step, but in God's name i swear, if such things happened, means i have already taken way too many first-steps to resolve things with you, and you are just sitting there being ignorant about what you have done. That is not the way.

 

Sometimes we may make mistakes to react in such a bad way to another, but, after your reflections, learn from it, make up for it. I know, that i am very very very hot tempered, and i am such an asshole to always react so fast. Yes people i am sorry. However, as i said, sometimes it is just too much, i can no longer take first-steps, and i have my own dignity to uphold and i am not going to apologize, really, so if you i am an asshole, and not aplogizing, you are obviously not doing your daily reflections. Understand other people, be sensitive. Dont just say things, think before you does. Dont insult before, because you are in no position to do so, you can tease, but do be sensitive to others, and dont over do it.

 

If i might add a word, yes i AM OVERSENSITIVE, i admit that. However, the some of you, are just plain INSENSITIVE towards others. I know this sort of opnions are sometimes very one-sided, but people, but, it is something i find no wrongness in it. Care for people's feeling. I may be a freethinker, but my heart still listen to God and Jesus Christ, and i truly believe that what they want, is only to have this world, a better world ; to have people, living in harmony.

 

People commit sins ( why in the holy god's name i am so holy now? ), and trust me, even if that person will not forgive you for that, theres still always someone there to forgive you. Be it Christianity, Buddism ( sry if i make a spelling mistake) or Hinduism, all religion exists to make this world - a better world. So its ok to make mistakes, but grow up from it people. I can tell you right now, i am NO WHERE NEAR mature, but i am sure of one thing - i am growing each day by day.

 

Few erm, mottos i would like to share with you guys.

 

- Being mature if not pointing your finger at another person and making him childish

- Humans are unique and diffrent from each other

- One more thing, one less thing

- Play hard, study hard ( someone said something even more more more meaningful, and i will remember it, she said "play hard, study hard ; study now, play in December" )

- Every action triggers an reaction

 

So all the best in life!

 

The action-reaction pair

OH finally, new fonts...

 

Anyways, hope you guys enjoy the song embeded in my blog, its a lovely and spirit lifting one =D

 

Days passed and im nearer to my promotional examination, and life always seem so relaxing for me. Last Friday, tempted by the offer "attend 1.5h get 3 hours CIP", i went for the Translation Competition. Finals were two Hwa Chong teams, one Raffles Instituition and Raffles Girl School ( where the hell is ACS? ). It was boring, towards the end. However there were many silly mistakes the competitors made and everyone let go of a big LOL. My friend and I sneaked out, some other of my friends also did. We sneaked and he wanted to hand in his homework to the pigeon hole near our school's staff room. While he was searching for his teacher's slot, i was pondering around, looked into the staff room and...

 

" LIM CHOONG YAN! " I pulled him and we hid at one corner, we were breathing deeply, and he peeked. WOAH he almost got caught, we waited till she went for the lady's restroom and went downstairs then only we reappear. We even went into one of the classrooms, which were used by drama club members or dancing or whatever, did it because she was somewhat heading our direction. While we were inside the classroom catchig out breath, those members of that club walked in and was O.O staring at us. I was like " uh, can we borrow your classroom a sec?" a girl replied "uh.....ok....what are you guys hiding from?" I ignored her and was busy cathing my breath. Went out the class, looked down, and she was was walking down the stairs and ALMOST again caught us, my friend ran and all i did was to just squat down. Phew, danger's over.

 

Made my way out, toke the bus and overslept on it. Alighted the bus some 547.43m away from the one im suppose to alight. It rained. I ran. So drenched untill the extent that my light brown school uniform looked dark brown and as if it was a brand new colour on the entire shirt. Finally made it back, chilled out and dried myself out. Went out in the night, to ACS(I), simple because one of my friend was performing and he asked me to watch him.

 

OK OK!

 

Buana and me was in the centre for perfoming arts, also known as CPA. We sat on the ground floor, the decide to move to the 2nd storey. Guess what? we got chased down by a teacher like as if we were a student, a prefect came to us an asked us to sit downstair ( which were swarmed with ACSI kids). I refused to, notified him that i am no student of this school and is an outside guest. " I uh...dont care ". I stared at the prefect. My friend got me downstairs. I swear i would cast goddamn Pyroblast stacked with Arcane power and a trinket on him and ensure it'll be a critical strike and watch him burnt under the effect of Ignite, IF ONLY my friend did not get me downstairs before i could react ( yes im THAT slow ). The show was funny. I swear, with my friend inside. 2nd show, entertaining. 3rd, boring. Yes guess what, before the 3rd show started, my friend whispered to me "your dearest friend's acting" i was puzzled. When the show started, i was.......

....

....

....

 

My ex-roomate was there. I swear i stayed for the sake of giving them face. The show only started 5min and some group of 10 people left. Followed by 4...5...6....7...8...or whatever. I pity you Theodore.

 

We went to Wah Chee, our common hang-out-place. Ate Mongolian Pork Rib rice. Got danny there also. Had a great time, then meet up with two of our friends back at the school gate and talked so goddamn loudly ( which i have not done for such a long time ).

 

Saturday, rain rain and rain. Nothing much. Except for the swimming pool's was so cold untill it felt like hypothermia when i got in. Today, nothing much, went for swimming lesson, free-style. I still remembered my first time there, when the coach asked me to swim free-style and have him judged on my umm...swimming skills? and to have couple of my friends there asked "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!". I think pushing towards perfection more than heading towards the mastery of this swimming technique. Was great, as in the lesson, the coach pin-pointed so many mistake i made and have ways to correct it.

 

Hostel assembly. They made sang the song "we have peace at the river" and did the hand slapping thingy. It was the hallmistress who were doing it, and she explained that we should enjoy every moment of our life and make it a happy one. She even changed the lyrics to " I have love for my neighbour" and asked us to smile at our neighbour.

 

Only one voice echoes in my head, "I hate scholars and i hate being one". Dont ask me why, i have no idea where that hatred comes from but it kept echoing in my head. Scary shit.

 

Been studying, playing WoW, doing homework, sufring net, eating, excercizing, sleeping, staying up at night playing, having a great time in school talking crap, ignoring people in my hostel, hanging out with old friends, seggregating myself from scholars in hostel. It sounds funny and childish. I know. I thought of it. I reflect on my self, and i find no reason why i have no right to behave in wahtever way i behaved. I have a reason. I have my personality, i love it, it aint evil. But what you people did was to dampen that spirit of mines, instead of amplifying it, and i grew very very sick of it. So before you calling a childlike person childsih, think again, are you the one behaving that way? Below is what somebody i hated so much told me during secondary school, it was engraved intomy mind, and although it comes out from the mouth of an asshole, but i bear it as if it was like a code.

 

Every action triggers a reaction

 

 

 

 

suicide

Why people commit suicide? one of the reasons are which the reasons to live are removed. That is what i read from one of my GP passage.

 

Desire to live? Yea its true. When studying takes up all their time and they have literally forgone everything except for studying. From the economist print edition, " suicide rates have been rising in India, especially among the young, and over a third of those who kill themselves are under 30 years old"

 

shocking eh? more, " In india the deperation of students has been studied relatively little compared with that of farmers, who have killed themselves in rising numbers in recent years".

 

" Japan, whose suicide rate has long been among the highest of never-communist developed countries. Japan is a confrmist society, and life, it is said, is bleak for those who do not fit in"

 

Cruel eh?

 

Suicide here suicide there. Just some thoughts here, nothing much, and wondering what will happen to the next generation in the future. So people, find a reason to live for. At least you can cling on it and not commiting suicide and hurt those loved ones. Laters all

My world

As mcuh as im hating everyone around me, i realised why sometimes games are such an addiction to some people.

 

In my opinion, they simply created a virtual world which is "perfect", they have justification, they have the space for each individual to do their own things, and like MMORPGs they gave players a sense of security, as your real identity can be anonymous. In comparison with the nowadays REAL world, the game world seemed to be a far better place and a far more wonderful place, so sometimes its suprising that even players found their sanctuary within the game. This is of course what i felt.

 

In additiion to it, they also allows the player to wield all sorts of power over other things, like creatures and so on, which is mostly lacking in nowadays people's capability - control. I lack control, all of us lack control, of the future, of what we are doing now, because they simply promises a thousand poosibilities. Although they are not exactly similiar, however the lack of that can be fulfilled with another in the game.

 

Also, games are actually a place where you could dwell in and enjoy it. At least better than mugging blindly for your examination that im for sure. Like today, my college's reading period gave us an article on acts of commiting suicide, i think those teachers more or less wanted to relieve us from our stress. Great job lol. Korean has in fact the highest suicide rate, followed by Japan. Inside it stated that reasons for suicides are " defieying generalisations", and that they are mostly an impact from the change of the society. True, from my point of view. Look at those countries, students are undergoing a tremendous ammount of stress everyday ( i personally think singapore is catching up ), left alone the high requirements for their academic performances, they also faced the satanic expectations from their parents. Ouch.

 

You know, recently, i am just so sick of socializing with humans. ( this is totally out of the point ). I do not understand why must I always be the one who take a step back and see things through. If for doing it for once or twice would resolve the matter for good, i wouldnt mind, but not occuring on me so frequently and in the end they get all the glory and i suffered. I am so sick of everyone. I am sick of this world infested with people with such a behavious, if God were intending to make a better world, i'd request him to hasten his plans. " Teenagers nowadays dont know how to talk" and the something like calling us senseless people. One Go teacher commented today during my reading periods. Gosh, i couldnt but reply her with a thousand nods. Not forgetting that i am a teenager also, but i find that people are worsening bit by bit after each passing seconds. Weep for Humanity.

 

Commiting suicide? Yea i seriously thought of it a million times, this world aint changing you know, people will keep scoring better results, entering better universities, getting better jobs, earning more money, and then i dont know what they do with their money. Worsening the Earth's situation? really whats really the use of studying so hard while your character sucked so badly? Whats use of a person with great personalities to the society? oh wells so long as you do not get your pass grades or an A, you literally die. Simple, the hunter or the hunted.

 

I am just so sick of this fake world, people play draman and all sorts of stupid tricks on one another. Where was the world that honesty was treasured? Nobody gave a damn to that you know, if you are good at sucking up, good for you, you get tons of friends.Sad enough that nowadays people cannot even identify as one sucking up to you, or maybe they loved it so much they can leave it as it is. People poke fun of you, just on one hand to relieve themselves of their boredom or whatever. Its fairly fine for me. But not doing it for everyday. Mindless peoples. Sometimes i hated some people so much because they just simply take people's gentleness for granted. You thought you could fool around? Right now, i am shutting up from everyone. I mean it, 3 days already and i haven had a proper conversation with anyone except for my classmates, or rather Singaporeans. Call me a betrayal. singaporeans? kia-su? you just made me L------O------L, let nme tell you what, the SCHOLARS are the kia-su ones. In my life those who were down to earth, theyre all sinagporeans. These scholars? Fake. Your attitudes are - such a monstrosity. Horible. Oh yea, i hated being a scholar now relax people. I hate my hostel now, i hate all the limitations caused by the scholarship agreement, i hated my school, i hated scholars that are around me.

 

For you all, i am just a fucktard who made some silly and loud noises all day long, and is so unglamarous, so "face-losing" for you. So nerdy, so fun to be bullied. Go on man, go on thinking like that, i wish to see the all of you dying in front of me and i'll just stare into your face and giggle. Laters.