Period. I dont know what else to say seriously haha. Other than that I think the next thing that comes to my mind that is worth mentioning is probably the bus driver's crazy driving. Oh yeah I did have some disagreements for the trip but oh wells, better than none else wise this thing called "friendship" would seem abnormal.
Thats all folks!
Not really. I lied. I actually wanted to talk about something else but I guess its too risky to just put it outside, but i guess also I dont want to hide my entire blog just because of this one entry. Cool method to use this javascripts to hide it. Also I dont like to show all my emoness and all, yes its cool to express it once in a while, but if you do it all too often it really do says a lot about your personality.
Anyways I have heard people giving up on love in a matter of months. Seriously you could do that? I'd want you to teach me how to do it if you're really liking a person. Today somewhat my friends and I were talking about meaning of our names.
周立恒.
Thats my chinese name. So we were discussing how inaccurate our names are most of the time. The center character means independence, which I've clearly achieved. The last is perseverance, which to some extent I find it conflicting after I said its inaccurate. I dont understand. You call that love? How can you just give up on it just like that? Two months? It took me great effort and yet i cannot shake that feeling off. The same feeling for the same person, since day 1 you met each other. No matter how hard I try shaking it off, the next time the both of you come face to face, all the "Its not worth wasting my time on" and "I already gave up" went right down into the drain I'm tellin ya. All the feelings you think, yes YOU THINK you've buried it 8 feet down immediately surges from the ground and swarm your entire entity.
That is the situation I'm in, for nearly 2 years. Then I'm hearing people that could give up in months. I'm not judging honestly, I just dont understand. I'm not dying to learn the technique to do it, because that fire that resides in your heart just wouldnt die off, and theres always that tiny part of you who would NEVER give up until the very last moment.
Its to a large extent a very excruciating struggle. All the crazy poets and their exaggeration about love, now seemed to all make sense to me now. Well, you'd probably be asking why am I still not making the move, that's because it'd be deflecting my own moral compass to to break up a person's relationship. I'm not saying I'd win over, which is why I am struggle to tell myself to just, gosh, just give up and it just wouldnt die! I wouldnt want to make the confrontation as well because I'd just want things the way they are now, and I really dont want to create an atmosphere of utmost awkwardness the next time we meet each other.
Its a dilemma, a situation that seemingly could only happen in TV drama. However here I am now, with all these difficulties. Its tiring as well, because...I dont know what to call it, my folly or my very soul just will not give in to any obstacle, and it does not know what my mind's limit it and its taking a toll on my mind. Everything evolves around the person. Everyday, almost without fail, the first 5 things that gets to your mind is the person's face. Being the first is just plain lying, because you might really get awaken by something and you'd think about the noise first.
So yes you can say I'm in the world of pain now, at the same time...you cant call this torment really, its really really wonderful at the same time to be able to fall in love with somebody. Read carefully, I did not say "Step into love", i said "Fall". The center of gravity is no longer in your grasp. So yes, call me a lovetard or what, yes I did had only one relationship in the past and its major failure haha, but this is definitely something more. Much much more. Now I think i could understand a little more how some people in the past, during war times could wait for their loved ones for years. All the sacrifices they have made, willingly for their loved ones.
Well, actually I just couldnt find anyone to pour all these feelings out to and I really need an outlet. SAVING THIS AS DRAFT DOES NOT HELP AT ALL! Posting this somewhat in a hidden manner serves A LOT like an outlet to me really, as in I really do feel like i have let it out. I probably wouldnt like anyone reading this except only a FEW ( I guess you know who you are =D ) who knows a GREAT deal of me at the same time, which on the complete opposite I'd want to talk about. Of course, let alone you bringing the topic out loud and interrogating me the details. Phew, i feel so much better now.
umm, my skin actually felt itchy tonight, for some odd reason. I know, its random haha.
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